Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

[tarryawhile2025]

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

Are your DC really happy about the idea of 8 weeks away? I found that last summer before uni a really fun time with friends before we went our separate ways to university, I wouldn't have wanted to miss it personally.

And as it sounds like you work yourself, how are you managing 8 weeks off work? Would you be taking unpaid leave, if so does that not cancel out any notional "savings" from the cheaper flights?

There is a compromise to be made between 2 months and weekends away.

I would certainly have no sympathy with him if he was complaining about them leaving for a 4-6 weeks. Visiting family is important.

But occupying all of the time before they leave for university seems as extreme as insisting that they must stay closer to home.

Why does it need to be 8 weeks
8 days but not 8 weeks

I definitely that you should go @tarryawhile2025, because once they leave for uni, you may easily not have this opportunity again-I would just make it shorter, maybe 4-6 weeks.

My DD (20) decided to stay in her uni city this summer, because she wanted to take more classes and work there. She came home for a break at the end of term and then she was off! So you’re right to do this while they’re both available.

Okay so well what was the point of your post. If you have absolutely no intention of changing your mind and will do what you want to do anyway, despite the fact it will hurt your DH.

You have had some great 'compromise' suggestions on this thread. Which mean you get your chunk of time away with your twins but also keep your DH happy and you are obviously not prepared to do any of those.

How distant are these uni's that your kids are going to? Will it mean that once they have gone in October that you won't see them again until the following year when they finish? No visits home? No home for Christmas? As you seem to be using the fact that they are both off to uni as the reason for this prolonged break away.

Personally I would not do this to my DH. And yes, my DH has also had weeks away from home on work trips abroad without me. But this is NOT a work trip, this is you choosing to be away from him like this and I do think it sucks for him.

There IS a compromise here where everyone can be satisfied but you don't want to take it.

I’m guessing it’s your family who lives abroad - so you’re living very far away from your family and friends, and your husband is British and can see his family and friends all the time? If so, just go.

OP says they have visited for 2-4 weeks every year for the last 15 years. Which means that either DH hasn't gone with them, or he has used most of his AL for the last 15 years visiting her family. Why shouldn't he have a say in how they spend the summer just once, since it is, as people have pointed out, probably the last time the family is likely to holiday together?

I actually can understand that dh is a bit gutted - dc will be heading to uni and he wont get to spend anytime with them before it happens if you go away for 8 weeks

I see both sides, if he wasn't fussed about not seeing his wife and especially his kids for 2 months people would query that, I can see he'd miss you all. I can also see why you all want to go, one of those noone is wrong and noone is right situations.

Where wrong and right comes in is how this is handled, perhaps a compromise or time spent as a family either side of it and plenty of face times with him, keep in touch perhaps more than you usually would as its a very extended holiday.

Yep, this. Visiting family/or our home country during the school hols isn't the same as going on holiday. It's really not. We still have the house to clean, shopping to do, relatives to visit. We're not living it up in a hotel.

We go so my DH can see his family, and my DS can reconnect with his grand-parents, cousins and aunts/uncle. He learns about his other culture, and practices his other language. I might get bored going for so long, but it's important to facilitate this.

I imagine that this might be the last summer the OP's children will want or be able to spend time with their wider family.

Reverse it. Dad lives away, is taking kids away against mum's wishes.

I agree with this. I'd feel very hurt.

The kids are 18. They're not at risk of being snatched. OP has already said they want to go.

I've already said in an earlier post that I do think OP should compromise by going for less time.

It's not about snatching. It's about OP putting her needs above her husband's

What?? This is a joke right? If a man said he was going to take his kids away for TWO months without their mother would you be like yeah that’s fine and she’s being a needy dick? No. You’d say he’s awful. She is awful. It’s not like they’ve not done this trip before many times! I can’t even imagine my husband taking my children and fucking off for two months instead of choosing to spend time with me as a family. And I wouldnt do it to him either.

And this attitude towards fathers is contributing to the idea men can be separated from their kids and it doesn’t matter. Any decent man wouldn’t want to be without his kids for this long

YABU because 8 weeks is so long.

I have holidays without my husband sometimes but for a week or two, not 8 weeks!

If you respect your husband and what he wants, I think you should compromise on a 4 week holiday, say. That is still a long trip to justify the air fare.

Can your children travel on their own to extended family

You go over for shorter weekends

Support your partner with their new job

this. I'd stay home this year....I mean he's your husband and the kids dad!

You and the kids go for 8 weeks.
DH join you for the middle 2/3/4 weeks with a more expensive flight.

A dog can’t eat what’s in the manger but he lies in it so the other animals can’t eat either. Ie. I can’t go so no one else should either.

They're 18! OP is not separating her DH from his kids. They are not children and can spend their holiday where and how they like.

This boils down to does her DH get to A. Decide how and where she spends hers inc. nowhere if he can't, and B. On what she funds for the kids

That's bloody harsh! If the kids are 18, send them on their own.

No, it boils down to her husband having been through a tough time and now she’s off on holiday for two months, meaning he doesn’t see the kids before they go to uni - for six years!

Why should he have to suck it up, presumably family money is paying for it. If DH did that to me and wouldn't compromise, with or without children, I'd be using the 8 weeks to get the divorce under way! He

Let's not beat around the holiday is for you not your twins. Why would 18 year olds want to spend time with older people for 8 weeks like you said they're not 8. They would rather spend it with friends before they go. The pair of you sound boring and out of touch your poor twins you'll bore them to death.

I think I’d feel really bad if my family did this to me.