Sister's wedding and no children invited

[BigSister1991]

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

She's not unreasonable to not have children at her wedding, and you're not unreasonable to say you won't be able to attend.

They can expect
yoy can say no thank you

it will likely be a difficult time for your young family - toddler and new born I wouldn’t want to commit to leaving them

I wouldn’t be going family clearly isn’t that important to your sister if out of four biological family members 2 are refused entry and one’s only 6 months old a baby in arms.

Do you really have to go for 3 days? I'd make an effort to go to the ceremony/reception and then go home after that, you don't even have to leave your children overnight if it's only 2 hours drive away.

Her wedding = her rules. Her and the groom are paying for it and organising so they are allowed to have it their way. If you don't go because of lack of childcare then that's the risk they take but l assume they've given plenty of notice?

There's no chance I would have left a six month old baby with anyone else for a whole weekend, even a few hours would be a big ask. It's not a reasonable expectation and it's totally legitimate for you to explain that unfortunately you're not able to attend in that case.

They are free to have their own expectations, and a childfree wedding, it's fine.
You can choose if you want to obey their expectations, or decline the invitation. Do what suits you.

I would just say no sorry I won’t be able to attend. It’s a big ask of anyone to look after such a young baby and a toddler for 3 days. She doesn’t want kids there, fine. But she has to accept that means their parents won’t be there either

Could you and your husband take the children and tag team with them for the weekend?

This. Sorry dearest sister but I don't have childcare I feel comfortable leaving my DC with. I hope you have a lovely day.

Go to the actual wedding yourself for the day, drive home after the meal.
Leave husband with the children.

The cheek of both of them to expect anything of the sort.

DH’s sister got married a couple of years ago and said no children. We had 2 x 3 year olds and a baby at the time. None of us went to the wedding.

I don’t know what’s happened to weddings these days - I understand not inviting general guests children as it can bump the numbers
significantly but why does she not regard her niece and nephew as family that would automatically be invited?

I’d be tempted to stand my ground, esp as your kids are so young and the wedding is so long. Maybe you could go to the ceremony itself and dh can amuse the kids for an hour, then you all go by and do something nice together?

A three day wedding without your 6 month old?

I wouldn’t be going. Not in an arsey “how dare you not invite my precious children” kind of way. But just because that wouldn’t be feasible for me.

I would be asking my sister to seriously reconsider.

My brother (his terrible wife) didn’t want my girls at his wedding so my parents said “Ok, if you don’t want your nieces there, you can pay for it all, but don’t expect any money for the wedding from us. If you’d like family money for the wedding, then you have to invite family. “. They changed their minds quite quickly.

Sorry this is a tricky one. If your kids are the only kids I can kinda see her decision. It would be nice if she accepted ‘babes in arms’ which is relatively common at kids free weddings but then that doesn’t help you with the 2.5 year old and they can be pretty disruptive at weddings so it’s her decision.

As a compromise I would book a room in the wedding area for all 4 of you and hubby misses wedding to look after the kids whilst you’re there. But when there’s no wedding stuff going on then you at least get time with your family. I think your kids are too young especially the 6 month old to be left with babysitters all weekend so your sisters request for your husband is negated by her request for no kids and you should explain that to her.

i don’t think it’s remotely acceptable to leave a 6 month old baby for 3 days.
At best, going for the day might be possible (you only,leaving hubbie to mind the kids) but you are totally fair to just say no, sorry we can’t make it

She's your sister. You go up on Friday. DH follows with the kids on Saturday morning. You either bring a trusted sitter from home to look after them during the reception, or use Sitters or whoever the hotel recommends. You and DH pop up after the speeches to settle them to bed and give the sitter a break and then you could either tag team for the evening or DH stays in the room. You all leave Sunday morning.

Push back.

Make a bit of a fuss

Tell them if the kids can't go then unfortunately you won't be going.

Make it clear that if the kids start crying during the ceremony that you'll take them out so as not to spoilt it.

But push back, this one time.

Erm... I am very much a love em and leave em mummy and i was off out getting drunk on days out when baby was 3-4m but even i think this is fucking nonsense

THREE days? The cost of childcare alone will be eye-watering and that's assuming you can even find someone the children will settle with especially the toddler.

I'd ask her to reconsider...

if she wont...

Go to the wedding on the day.
leave your husband at home with kids.
dont drink and drive home in the evening.
If she doesnt like it - tough.

It's her day and her choice.
And she can make all the shitty thoughtless selfish choices she wants but she cant make you facilitate those choices and go for 3 ddaysat the expense of your children and if her and your mum want to fall out with you over it.. let them.

Could you bring someone with you to help out with the kids the day of the wedding?
As a teen I had many weekends away looking after children of my parents friends and some relatives for child free weddings.
Normally they either booked me a room or sometimes the hotels had little cottages.

I might make an effort to go up for 1 day and leave husband with kids, would absolutely not be going for 3!

Would it be possible to arrange childcare for one day, e.g with In-laws? Or someone else your Dc know well?

In which case just go for the day of the ceremony and reception up until the time you need to leave to get back.

If not well, you will have to decline the invitation.

But I think it is very ‘un family like’ for your DSis to exclude her close relatives like this. And amazed your Mum has not said something. I bet she will think differently about family ties when she wants to visit your newborn.

The vast majority of people I know wouldn't have had people to leave their children with for that length of time, and I simply wouldn't leave them anyway.

I would drive myself to see my sister wed and then drive back home whilst my other half looked after the children.

I would be attending no more than the ceremony and would not be committing to any role in the wedding. I would make it clear why.

If there were objections to this I would send a card.