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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister's wedding and no children invited

713 replies

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:15

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

OP posts:
Luckyingame · 21/07/2025 14:41

Her wedding, her life, her choice.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 21/07/2025 14:42

I would be honest and say, with a six month old baby, DH would have to stay home and I could only attend for 1 day/night (driving up on the day and back the following morning).

If she wants your attendance for the full weekend, then she will also need to accommodate the kids in the wedding plans.

BoredZelda · 21/07/2025 14:43

Womblingmerrily · 21/07/2025 14:29

I would drive myself to see my sister wed and then drive back home whilst my other half looked after the children.

I would be attending no more than the ceremony and would not be committing to any role in the wedding. I would make it clear why.

If there were objections to this I would send a card.

I wouldn’t do any of this. If my sister did such a ridiculous thing as to expect her own sister not to bring her kids to her wedding then we aren’t close enough for me to be bothered about missing it. Of it caused a family rift, that’s on them. My ex SIL pulled this shit when she married my brother. My sister couldn’t come because she was heavily pregnant and couldn’t travel. SIL booked the wedding date without my brother’s knowledge, knowing my sister wouldn’t be able to go. Brother decided his hands were tied as the deposit and everything was paid. Her excuse was she wanted a summer wedding and even if she’d booked it for later my sister couldn’t have come as she wasn’t having children at her wedding. Brother reckoned he had no say in it but of course he could have said no. I went under duress, pressure from my parents (I was young and stupid) The older me wishes I’d dug in and said I wasn’t going either.

Of course people can choose what they want for their own weddings, and it’s entirely up to them, but they should also understand actions have consequences and nobody (not even your sister) has to bend over backwards to do your bidding.

BoredZelda · 21/07/2025 14:44

Flossflower · 21/07/2025 14:37

How far away is the wedding? Surely you only have to go for a few hours. Let the children’s Dad look after them.

Why should she?

Original poster
BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:44

I am her Maid of Honour. The venue has accommodation which we are pre-booked into - I am told this is not child friendly (no travel cots, toddler beds, high chairs or changing areas).

OP posts:
Jamesblonde2 · 21/07/2025 14:45

You don’t have to go for the full weekend, just go for ceremony and wedding breakfast. In-laws could handle that day?

cordelia16 · 21/07/2025 14:46

Tbh I wouldn't go. If you're not close enough for her to include your two young children, then you're not close enough to have to see her get married.

I have an older sister and couldn't imagine excluding her children (if she had any when I got married). Surely sisters should be exempt from the child-free rule?!

99bottlesofkombucha · 21/07/2025 14:47

I wouldn’t leave a 6 month old for three days, that’s a hard no, so from me it would be the timing is unfortunate if dc can’t come, I can definitely come for an afternoon, maybe stay over one night, but I won’t leave a 6mo for longer than overnight and that’s only if I’ve got someone I’m confident leaving them with- no one springs to mind except dh and mum (if that’s true).

ALPS100 · 21/07/2025 14:47

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:44

I am her Maid of Honour. The venue has accommodation which we are pre-booked into - I am told this is not child friendly (no travel cots, toddler beds, high chairs or changing areas).

Did you agree to being MOH before or after you knew the no kids decision?

bellamorgan · 21/07/2025 14:47

If you want to still be maid of honour a funny title considering her consideration towards you, At most go in for the actual ceremony and then leave.

There is no need for three days at all once the actual marriage has taken place leave.

Though I wouldn’t even give her that since she shows no concern to you or even your tiny baby.

cordelia16 · 21/07/2025 14:47

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:44

I am her Maid of Honour. The venue has accommodation which we are pre-booked into - I am told this is not child friendly (no travel cots, toddler beds, high chairs or changing areas).

She must have a child-less friend she can choose instead.

jeaux90 · 21/07/2025 14:47

I would not be leaving a 6 month old for that time. If you want to go (and you have trustworthy cover) then I’d just be going for the one night and make it clear why.

she is not unreasonable having the wedding she wants and neither are you for not going at all or just a small part.

99bottlesofkombucha · 21/07/2025 14:48

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:44

I am her Maid of Honour. The venue has accommodation which we are pre-booked into - I am told this is not child friendly (no travel cots, toddler beds, high chairs or changing areas).

Just no- quit as maid of honour, because it’s not possible for you to attend for long. Plus you will struggle to organise a hens etc?

Conniebygaslight · 21/07/2025 14:48

This is awful OP….how can your sister put you in this position? Has she always been so bloody selfish?!
I get people who want childfree weddings but to put your own sister in the position of having to leave her babies for 3 days is appalling.

Gingercar · 21/07/2025 14:48

I wouldn’t go. And I’d tell them that you feel like they mustn’t want you there anyway if they’ve made it as difficult as possible for you to attend.
At a push I would drive there for the ceremony and meal, then drive back home. And if they were angry or snotty with me I’d give it them straight back!

caramac04 · 21/07/2025 14:48

I wouldn’t go.

irregularegular · 21/07/2025 14:48

I'd ask, in as non-pushy a way as possible, whether she would consider making an exception for her niece and nephew. Are there, however, perhaps more children on the other side that might make it difficult for them?

Otherwise, unless you have a very helpful grandmother/aunt or similar on you partner's side, I would go without your husband. Or possibly he just joins for the Saturday. I went to my cousin's (no children) wedding by myself when my children were very small, leaving them with my husband. I really enjoyed having a weekend away by myself to be honest!

I wouldn't not go to my sister's wedding, and I would try not to cause issues over it.

Soontobesingles · 21/07/2025 14:49

I had similar from my cousin and I told
her that there is no one I can leave my children with overnight and so I can’t come. She then changed her mind and included my children in the wedding. I wasn’t being difficult - all my family were attending the wedding and DH parents too frail to take care of small children. I think tell her the truth, that you can’t leave children that little overnight and let the cards fall where they may.

NCJD · 21/07/2025 14:49

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:44

I am her Maid of Honour. The venue has accommodation which we are pre-booked into - I am told this is not child friendly (no travel cots, toddler beds, high chairs or changing areas).

Did you know your kids wouldn’t be invited when you agreed to be MoH?

Is the accommodation being not child friendly the reason kids aren’t invited? Because surely you could just bring a travel cot, fold up high chair and a changing mat? Toddler could just sleep in a normal bed for the weekend?

Clarinet1 · 21/07/2025 14:49

I’m one of those strange people who hangs out on MN but doesn’t have DC. Even I can see that leaving two DC of these ages for three days is going to be very hard, almost impossible for many reasons. Obviously, as PP have mentioned, there is the potential issue of breastfeeding the baby and leaving two children rather than one means that a less- than-ideal sitter may be distracted by one child while the other need attention. Also, if one child is not even born yet, who knows whether he or she may have some kind of medical or special needs which may make more knowledgable care essential (Heaven forbid but it’s possible).
I think this is a job for the old MN classic “That doesn’t work for me.”

Spirallingdownwards · 21/07/2025 14:49

Arrange childcare for the day of the wedding and go for that day only.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 21/07/2025 14:49

Did you know your kids weren't invited when you agreed to be her MOH?

If I was you and you wanted to attend, then your husband needs to stay at home with the kids and you attend on your own for the actual wedding

TimeForABreak4 · 21/07/2025 14:49

I'd go for my sister but my DH would likely only come down the day of the wedding so we only needed childcare for one night, if that's possible for you. Will you be breastfeeding? I had to leave my then 8 month for a weekend for sil hen and was dreading it as was still breastfeeding and I hated it more than I thought I would.

Ponderingwindow · 21/07/2025 14:49

Dd didn’t take a bottle so I didn’t even leave her with DH for a single hour until she was 9 months old.

I would be attending the ceremony with my DH outside with the children. I doubt we would manage anything else.

pizzaHeart · 21/07/2025 14:50

ShesTheAlbatross · 21/07/2025 14:22

A three day wedding without your 6 month old?

I wouldn’t be going. Not in an arsey “how dare you not invite my precious children” kind of way. But just because that wouldn’t be feasible for me.

This^
i think when you are young and don’t have children you don’t understand the realities of life. I certainly didn’t when I was inviting my guests without their children to my wedding 🙈
So I would talk to your sister about it. She also probably came from the point that it’s a tiring event for children ( which is true in a way)