Sister's wedding and no children invited

[BigSister1991]

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

Will the husband be breast feeding the 6 month old as well?

Unless you have close family, maybe DHs family who can look after the children, I wouldn't go. It's her choice to have a child free wedding and that's fine. It's your choice whether you attend or not. Personally I wouldn't but it's really up to you whether you want to or not. Is leaving the children with DH and attending alone a possibility?

Ii saw my nieces and nephew ruin my sil wedding. We booked a tiny register office,, I said sorry there is no room for kids. Ended up changing the venue and reception 3 times, bending over backwards to accommodate everyone. In the end I hired a bouncy castle,had a respectable adult at my house, 15 minutes away, for baby sitting,these kids were 8/12 .no one used them! Mil insisted they come. I was fully prepared to cancel the wedding by now. Elderly frail relatives ended up standing.duriing the reception,kids sat on the top table each side of DH.he tried very hard to make them move without causing a fuss.i ended up on the very last table.they hated the food. Ruined the photos
I bitterly regret not just eloping
Exactly the same thing happened at my DS wedding, different kids, adults unable to keep them in check.

they can have the wedding they want but they don't get to dictate the conditions of their guests' acceptance. Either you go under the terms they dictate, or you don't.

Personally, if I didn't want to leave my children and it was going to put me to a lot of trouble, inconvenience and expense to attend, I wouldn't.

I didnt know either.

Hopefully this can all be sorted out with an amicable chat.

I wouldn't be going
I wouldn't of had anyone to leave them with

Who would want to leave their 6 month old and 2.5 year old with childcare for three days? I wouldn't.

Plenty of notice or not, it’s absolutely normal to not want to leave your 6 month old, especially is being breastfed.

I don't dislike children, have 4 was a childminder and have 6 gks I look after.

Could you book a family friendly hotel near by and you and your husband stay there ,taking it in turns to go to bits if the weekend
Or if your not breastfeeding
Leave husband at home with kids and you go alone

I wouldn't leave a 6 mo with anyone but a parent. Maybe people do but babies need their primary carers. There's no explaining to a baby.

And I know the zeitgeist is now 'their wedding, their choice' but I can't help my Scottish/Polish genes screaming at me. Weddings are a family, even a community, celebration. They bring everyone together and are a genuinely joyful multi-generational event. Thank goodness my DD has experienced very un-Insta Scottish and Irish weddings and wants hers to be a crazy, dancing, fun, family thing. She said at one, "does everyone just start dancing?" Yes DD, everyone just starts dancing.

Yes, I know it's not what everyone else thinks, but I just think it's better.

Hi Dsis, I’ve been so looking forward to being your MOH and supporting you on your special day, but when I took on the role, I didn’t realise that my kids wouldn’t be able to attend. I’m afraid I can’t leave my 6 month old for longer than [number of hours you are comfortable], so I’ll only be able to attend the ceremony and photos. [(If true) DH’s parents/siblings aren’t able to have 2.5 year old unfortunately, so DH will have to stay home to look after him].

Given I can’t be there the night before or for the reception, I’m thinking it might be best if I step down now as MOH to give you time to choose someone else who can be there to support you for the whole 3 days? Will be really sorry to miss so much of it - just unfortunate timing with the age of the kids. Let me know what you’d like to do.

Did you have children at your wedding @BigSister1991 ?

Neither of you are unreasonable. She and groom want no kids. You don’t want to be away from your.
Just go to the ceremony and meal - 2 hours driving there and 2 hours back is not too bad .

I don’t usually post in these threads but there is no way I would go to a three-day wedding leaving a 6mo. What if you are breastfeeding? Or tbh even if not.

I would ask if you can at least bring the baby. If not then I would maybe attend just the wedding, leaving the dc with in-laws, and go home straight afterwards. Or not go at all.

Yes, we had children at our wedding (my cousin brought his 3 children and my husband's cousin brought her newborn). It was over 6 years ago now so none of our friends / other family members had kids then, but if we got married now we'd absolutely have all family children.

What an utterly selfish attitude. What kind of ‘wonderful’ wedding day is it where you make your only sister anxious and unhappy?

I’d attend alone and leave the DC with DH unless you have reliable, free childcare from DH’s family. i’d also stay at different accommodation unless your sister is paying for the accommodation or you can easily afford the two nights there.

Is there someone who could come with you and watch the children so you aren’t away with them for so long? I realise this could be expensive.

YABU to be cross/sad that she doesn’t want your small DC at her wedding. She’d be U to say anything should your H not attend.

I understand not wanting them there for the ceremony in case of distractions/crying/noisiness but banning from the whole thing ridiculous.

I wouldn’t go, book yourselves a nice weekend away with your lovely family unit.

I would go to the actual ceremony and whatever cocktail or dinner after and be back home, if not doable I simply wouldn´t go. There is no way I would leave my kid overnight. Thousands would, not for me.

They are trying to present you with a fait accompli.

Who booked you into that accommodation?

I would simply decline. If it means that much to the bride to have her sister there, let her come to you. It is, after all, 'her wedding, her choice'.

If she doesn't do this then you know where you stand. But there is no reason why it automatically becomes OP's responsibility to jump through hoops to accommodate her sister's rigidity and its resultant increased expense.

It's up to her. If that's the way some people play it these days, they can take the consequences along with it. That's simply the way it works.

A 2 and a half year old is going to be disruption and change the vibe of an adult only event. I wouldn't want a toddler there either, it's possibly the worst possible age when it comes to getting overwhelmed, and overtired.

Everyone is focusing on not wanting to leave a newborn, completely ignoring the elephant in the room of a toddler at a wedding. This is what the sister wants to avoid- but there is no way she can suggest that they just leave one child at home