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Original poster

Sister's wedding and no children invited

713 replies

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:15

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

OP posts:
Original poster
BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 15:03

The venue won't have children overnight so that isn't an option (it is typically a child free venue - as it's normally a Michelin starred restaurant & hotel). Of course I want to go, she is my only sister and I agreed to be her MOH before she'd planned any wedding events. She was my MOH when I got married.

OP posts:
JoshLymanSwagger · 21/07/2025 15:03

Explain that it won't work for you or your family. Tell them now.

You either attend as a unit, or you and DH attend the ceremony/reception only and will bring the children and childcare with you and they will stay in the room - also you won't be spending the night, so you get around their "no kids" clause.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2025 15:04

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

LOL, no.

And tell her you can't be MoH, for frankly blindingly obvious reasons.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 15:05

I don’t think your sister is being unreasonable in not wanting children there OP - her wedding, her choice.

Having said that, neither are you being unreasonable to tell her, and your wider family that you will be unable to attend. Expecting you to leave a six month old with childcare for three days isn’t on. Is she getting married at a venue ? Is it a hotel ? Is there a possibility of bringing the children and arranging childcare at the hotel ? If not, then the answer from me would be no. It doesn’t matter what their expectation of you is, OP. Your sister has made the rule, and she has to accept that not everyone can comply with it.

Edited to say I’ve just seen your update to say that there are no children allowed at the venue. In that case it’s a no.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 21/07/2025 15:06

We’ve looked at the logistics for your wedding and we just can’t make it work as the 6 month old is far too young to be left alone for that length of time. We’re very sad to miss out on your special day but of course we respect your wishes about the wedding being child free.

Mulledjuice · 21/07/2025 15:07

When i read opinions like @NightPuffins I remember how differently people can be wired!

"But if they were there they wouldn’t be ‘included’ in the day. They would be present but both too young to participate in any wedding activities. They would be bored, tired, likely disruptive because of being bored. Other people would feel the need to entertain and engage with them instead of just celebrating the wedding in an otherwise adult focused way."

It's absolutely not a given that this woild be the case for a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old. The dichotomy you've set up is extreme and, IMHO a bit patronising to the adults.

tinyspiny · 21/07/2025 15:07

You realistically have 3 choices - tell your sister that the no kids arrangement doesn’t work for you and drop out of the wedding , get a member of your husbands family or your husband to stay home with the kids or book two rooms at a hotel near the venue for a friend / in-law and take them with you to have the kids for when you are on wedding duty and you stay there as well . Your sister is entitled to have a child free wedding if she wants and you are entitled to not go or make other arrangements .

LBFseBrom · 21/07/2025 15:07

That is not unusual, it's obviously going to be a 'grown up' wedding and your children will still be very small at the time. Three days is a bit much! The only three day weddings I've come across are with Indian families or similar and they generally do have kids there.

If the wedding is a distance away, could you arrange to rent a small cottage or a flat for a few days and take someone, a reputable nanny-type person, with you to mind the children, Then at least you'd see them while you're away. I do get that it would be hard to be parted from such young children for more than one day and that might solve it, if you can afford it of course.

I think that would put your mind at rest and you'd be able to enjoy the wedding celebrations. It's a one off. Think about it.

Pancakeflipper · 21/07/2025 15:07

I wouldn't go for the 3 days. I'd go for the wedding day, either by myself or have DP and children join me at the hotel (depending on hotel and area) to stay overnight.

I see it this their choice, their wedding. But I'd not enjoy 3 days away from my 6month old. I'd also not want to miss my sister get married. So it's a compromise that leaves a sour taste.

cordelia16 · 21/07/2025 15:08

You really can't compare her being your MOH (when you both had no children) to your being her MOH (when you do have children, who are being excluded).

If she wants you at her wedding, then she has to allow your children to be there. At least that's what I think. How important are you if she's making it this difficult for you? I'd say not very important at all.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 21/07/2025 15:08

Well frankly, it doesn’t matter if you want to or not. Your responsibility to the care of your children precludes it under the current plans. Unlessshe’s prepared to be more flexible, then you can’t attend really, can you?

Vaxtable · 21/07/2025 15:08

I would go to the ceremony and then that’s it. I certainly wouldn’t be doing 3 days

up to you if you stay for the reception so it’s one day and night you are away from your kids

TonTonMacoute · 21/07/2025 15:09

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

Well, what they want, cannot be achieved. Just tell them, the sooner the better

RandomMess · 21/07/2025 15:10

I would resign from the role of MoH and attend for the day of the wedding only. I’m not sure she’s left you with another option. DH and the kids stay somewhere nearby so you can at least attend.

knackredd · 21/07/2025 15:10

irregularegular · 21/07/2025 14:48

I'd ask, in as non-pushy a way as possible, whether she would consider making an exception for her niece and nephew. Are there, however, perhaps more children on the other side that might make it difficult for them?

Otherwise, unless you have a very helpful grandmother/aunt or similar on you partner's side, I would go without your husband. Or possibly he just joins for the Saturday. I went to my cousin's (no children) wedding by myself when my children were very small, leaving them with my husband. I really enjoyed having a weekend away by myself to be honest!

I wouldn't not go to my sister's wedding, and I would try not to cause issues over it.

Are there, however, perhaps more children on the other side that might make it difficult for them?

This might be a factor. I wonder why people dont do dialogue? I think a gentle conversation to a sister who hasnt had a children and might not 'get it' - is worth trying. Also maybe ask your DM if she knows if it has been discussed? Maybe she has already brought it up with your DS?

milveycrohn · 21/07/2025 15:10

I would try and go just for the ceremony and photos, and depending on when the reception starts, maybe for the reception. Getting other people to look after the children for that length of time should be more reasonable.
I would definitely not stay to any evening event.
If childcare is impossible, then as it is the OP's sister, I would get DH to look after the children, and drive home either after the photos, or if they are serving canapes before the recption stay for that, and then leave.

DaisyChain505 · 21/07/2025 15:11

She doesn’t want children at her wedding. This is totally understandable and her decision.

Does your partner not have parents or siblings that could have the children for the weekend?

Pinty · 21/07/2025 15:11

In those circumstances I wouldn't attend the wedding. Your baby will still be tiny and too young to be left for three days especially if you are breastfeeding.
Your sister and parents can expect as much as they want. It doesn't mean you have to do what they expect

pinkdelight · 21/07/2025 15:11

Go to the wedding on the day.
leave your husband at home with kids.
dont drink and drive home in the evening.
If she doesnt like it - tough.

A thousand per cent this.

mamagogo1 · 21/07/2025 15:11

No to the weekend is the answer, say you are not wanting to find childcare but you’ll come on your own to the ceremony and meal leaving at 8pm ish

Oceann · 21/07/2025 15:12

I’d attend the ceremony and the party and leave early the next morning.

Both of you can go if your DH family can step in for an overnight. If not then your DH would have to miss the wedding.

No point in getting annoyed at her choice but your involvement will need to be limited in that case.

Whatsitreallylike · 21/07/2025 15:12

I have very similarly aged children and absolutely would not leave them for more than a few hours given the youngest is only 6 months. You’re entitled to say that you’re unwilling to leave your children, that’s not unreasonable and she’s entitled to want her day a certain way, that’s also not unreasonable.

Unfortunately, it just means you won’t be at her wedding. No need to fall out over it or play the blame game, it’s just the way it is and I would be up front about that as soon as possible with your sister so she’s aware when planning.

DaisyChain505 · 21/07/2025 15:13

LurkyMcLurkinson · 21/07/2025 15:06

We’ve looked at the logistics for your wedding and we just can’t make it work as the 6 month old is far too young to be left alone for that length of time. We’re very sad to miss out on your special day but of course we respect your wishes about the wedding being child free.

Or the husband could stay home with his children whilst OP attends her sisters wedding?

ShesTheAlbatross · 21/07/2025 15:13

Luckyingame · 21/07/2025 14:41

Her wedding, her life, her choice.

Of course it is.

Just like it’s OP’s children. Her choice.

Her sister doesn’t get to demand that she leave a 6 month old for three days.

Have a childfree wedding. Have a destination wedding. Have a week long childfree destination wedding if you want. But you have to accept that some people cannot attend.

Wanttobefree2 · 21/07/2025 15:13

I don’t really understand all the fuss around having a kid-free wedding. My sister did the same, my kids were older teenagers but as “kids” they were not invited. It does now make me see her in a different light as a result.

I’d go to the ceremony and get my husband to take the kids out somewhere locally nearby and then leave. It’s such a mess about for you otherwise.