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Original poster

Sister's wedding and no children invited

713 replies

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:15

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

OP posts:
spotddog · 21/07/2025 14:50

Why would you take such young children in a 2 hour journey? And why would you go to the trouble and expense just for the ceremony for someone so inconsiderate? Bridezilla again.

Flossflower · 21/07/2025 14:50

I don’t really understand why you are debating this. Tell your sister you are unable to fill your MOH duties.

CharlieTooth · 21/07/2025 14:51

Maid of Honour? Sadly you are going to have to decline that.
She clearly wants a MoH who can offer undistracted attention to the wedding, that ain't happening with anyone with kids.
Even say you did go and juggled childcare with DH, parents, in-laws and a Norland Nanny, the moment you step away to say hello or take a.call you will have let her down in her eyes.
I think better to resign now and give her time to have fun with someone else.
You are at a different stage in life and it doesn't sound like you sister is the easy going, compromise type.

CurbsideProphet · 21/07/2025 14:51

I breastfed my DC so I couldn't have left him at 6 months. It's a shame, but if she doesn't want all of her family to be there it's her decision.

toomuchfaff · 21/07/2025 14:52

sweetpickle2 · 21/07/2025 14:17

She's not unreasonable to not have children at her wedding, and you're not unreasonable to say you won't be able to attend.

First post nails it.

She can invite you, but you can decline.

If she doesn't like it, its because of her "child free" status. She can amend it if she wants you there, or accept you wont be there.

Anxioustealady · 21/07/2025 14:52

They can have the wedding they want, but you don't have to go.

So they're not even allowed to go to where you're staying? I thought you could go just to the ceremony if you wanted but I think it's too long from your children if they can't come to the accommodation either.

I personally wouldn't say anything about this though - "I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there)." If she doesn't want to include children in the day, I think it's sad but it is her choice and I wouldn't push on that.

Does she not want/dislike kids?

Screamingabdabz · 21/07/2025 14:52

“This is your sister’s wedding. It’s entirely about her and her partner, it’s entirely her choice to have the day exactly how she wants it to be.”

I hate this attitude towards weddings. It’s so selfish.

Yes it’s her day, but to treat her close family just as background rentacrowd with no consideration for their comfort is just vile bridezilla behaviour.

She’s the sort of person who gives no thought to her sister’s children but I bet when she has her own precious bundles it’ll be a totally different story.

My own question to the op about this scenario is why is your mother not speaking up for you? Surely she’d understand the dilemma? Have you told her your concerns?

MyDeftDuck · 21/07/2025 14:53

Spirallingdownwards · 21/07/2025 14:49

Arrange childcare for the day of the wedding and go for that day only.

This.
Surely your sister must have told you it was a non-child event when she asked you to be MOH?? If not, then as a family you do need to communicate better.

Babies and very young children do not understand or appreciate weddings and you have plenty of time to arrange childcare with your own in-laws and to get the children used to being with them.

pizzaHeart · 21/07/2025 14:54

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:44

I am her Maid of Honour. The venue has accommodation which we are pre-booked into - I am told this is not child friendly (no travel cots, toddler beds, high chairs or changing areas).

I think you need to reconsider the whole situation realistically.
it won’t work.

Cutleryclaire · 21/07/2025 14:55

I’d just go on my own and DH stays with the kids.

Aavalon57 · 21/07/2025 14:55

I wouldn’t go. Is your sister the golden child? How long has she been planning the wedding?

ArsenicAlice · 21/07/2025 14:55

Octonaut4Life · 21/07/2025 14:18

There's no chance I would have left a six month old baby with anyone else for a whole weekend, even a few hours would be a big ask. It's not a reasonable expectation and it's totally legitimate for you to explain that unfortunately you're not able to attend in that case.

My neighbours left their baby with me while they went to a Christmas dinner dance. He was only 4 months old. He grizzled the whole time.

ZoomingSusan · 21/07/2025 14:56

You can’t go. It’s a shame.

NCJD · 21/07/2025 14:56

Does she not want/dislike kids?

It won’t be this. She just won’t have a clue how unreasonable it is to expect someone to leave a 6 month old baby for a weekend, especially if the baby is breastfed. To be fair, before I had kids I wouldn’t have realised what a total ballache it would be for parents.

Kinneddar · 21/07/2025 14:56

Shes absolutely perfectly entitled to have a child free wedding so long as she realises shes probably going to need a new. MOH

Id tell her now its going to be impossible for you and see if she changes her mind

CherryYellowCouch · 21/07/2025 14:58

Well they can pre-book you into accommodation but you don’t have to take them up on it.

And if it isn’t possible to fulfil MOH duties in a single day then I’d politely decline.

I’m with a pp, I’m astonished your Mum isn’t speaking up for you.

Scottishgirl85 · 21/07/2025 14:59

Just go to the wedding yourself? Or have kids in hotel room and tag team with husband? It's annoying but not insurmountable.

becausewecancan · 21/07/2025 14:59

I wouldn't do that. Either you're close enough that she cares if you're there (kids and all, imho, possibly excluding the ceremony itself, if she's worried they'll be noisy) or you're not close enough that it matters.

I know people say that the bride and groom get to have 'their day' the way they want it, but that doesn't change the fact that what some brides and grooms want is unreasonable and has the potential to damage relationships for years to come. Expecting your own sister or brother to spend a full weekend away from their very young child and infant if they want to attend your wedding is selfish, any way you cut it.

thepariscrimefiles · 21/07/2025 14:59

There is no way that I would leave a 6 month old baby for three days to attend a wedding. It's fine to have a child-free wedding, but don't expect people with babies and small children to attend.

I assume that they will throw their toys out of the pram if you decline the invitation?

Scottishgirl85 · 21/07/2025 15:01

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:44

I am her Maid of Honour. The venue has accommodation which we are pre-booked into - I am told this is not child friendly (no travel cots, toddler beds, high chairs or changing areas).

You can take a travel cot, and don't need all the other things. You sound like you don't want to go though, despite there being options ie go yourself, or tag team from hotel room with husband.

AvidJadeShaker · 21/07/2025 15:01

Would you consider going just for the day?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 21/07/2025 15:02

Does your sister have lots of friends with babies and small children, and she's perhaps worried that if she allows yours to come, then she's going to be inundated with 'special case' pleas from her friends? That's the only reason I can think of for excluding her own family's children.

But I'd just go for the actual ceremony. All travel there, you attend the ceremony and then leave them to it and you and your family have a lovely day out somewhere in the vicinity. That way you can't have it held over you that you didn't attend (which might get spun as 'couldn't be bothered to come'), you've shown up for the important bit and for the photos, and then you have a nice day out with your DH and children on the way home.

millymoo1202 · 21/07/2025 15:02

What is wrong with people not wanting close children at their wedding? I find it really sad and would be hurt. It’s completely unreasonable to expect you to leave your kids for 3 days

Dearg · 21/07/2025 15:03

I think you need to talk to your sister, calmly. Tell her you love her and would love to be her MOH , but you cannot do this with two young dc. As pp suggested, she’s probably clueless as to what it would mean for you.
The separation, the inevitable worry that you will have ( completely natural), the cost to you or the burden to other people ( guessing she’s thinking your DH family will step in?)

It’s very very selfish of her. If, after you talk to her, it’s still what she wants and there’s no compromise , then you don’t go.

Can’t say your DM is much of a gran though.

Digdongdoo · 21/07/2025 15:03

I wouldn't be attending all 3 days without my DH and DC. That's ridiculous. I'd work out a way to attend the ceremony and reception (babysitter or without DH) but that's it.