What an insult !!!

[rosesarebeautiful7]

Been with partner 15 years 3 kids between ages of 1m and 8 ( all both of ours ) used to own a house together but he asked me to sign a prenup to make sure I didn’t get his deposit money, when we moved he brought me out ( 7k ) and I didn’t go on the next mortgage, fast forward to 3 kids and many years later I’ve said I’ve got no security, it’s completely his house I’ve mentioned this to him as we have kids together I’ve said to him I don’t feel like it’s my home and no security he could ask me to leave at any time !

I have spoke to him about this he messages me today as he’s been “ thinking “ he will write it down a “ letter “ to say that if anything happens to him then the house Is left to me and the kids !

im really insulted ! And not sure if im being unreasonable, we aren’t married we aren’t getting married either, I had hoped for some togetherness as a couple bringing up our kids together ! Please no comments about going to work my baby is only 5 weeks so that isn’t an option! X

Unless you are independently wealthy then you’re very vulnerable OP and the only way to get out of that position is to get your own job, money and ideally invest in your own property ASAP.

Yes I hope it’s not true too surely no one is actually this daft.

Then what is the "pre-nup" (pre nuptials/ marriage) for?

Why do women do this? It is utter madness. Honestly OP, I know you are probably feeling tired and emotional atm if you have a 5 week old baby, but this is your 3rd child with this man who will not make a commitment to protect you! That is what marriage is - it is a legal contract between 2 people as well as a public declaration of love and commitment. A letter is not going to cut it (trust me, my family lost out on a 7 figure sum of money because a man in my family did not have the correct paperwork in place to ensure his intentions were acted on in the case of his death.) You’ve had 8 years of shared parenthood to act on protecting you and your children’s future. Not just in the case that he dies, but also if he decides to just leave you. If you have managed to have 3 kids together and he is still not prepared to marry you, then you are in a very precarious situation. Not just the house, but all assets of the joint relationship, and any pension or work benefits either of you have that relate to a spouse. (Eg death in service payment to spouse.) Why the heck does any woman have babies with a man that does not want to commit? At the very least, if he is feeling like he wants to demonstrate a decent level of intent, you need a legally drawn up will. Otherwise, you are entitled to nothing. Nothing at all.

Well he’s a charmer isn’t he? What a selfish prick.
I wouldn’t rely on a will other than very short term where I would expect the legal financial security of marriage to be arranged pdq.
He’s covered his arse in a bell tent and you’ve got a thong.
He doesn’t want you to have the chance of half of any assets if you split up.
Pig.

Really foolish of you to have three children with him, then, I’m afraid.

Presumably he’s been paying the mortgage on the house since it’s in his name. Have you been saving the equivalent amount in your own name?

Then leave. He is a financial abuser. Don’t you see that?

This in bucketloads.

You are a complete and utter fool.
You need to have a very serious think about what the rest of your life is going to be like - he will not marry you.

This is bonkers. Why be bought out of a house then not be on deeds of the next one? If you're not married then if you split, he keeps the lot.

Get yourself sorted.

You know full well. Don't be spiteful.

Then how can you have a prenup? Do you mean you have a declaration of trust? You normally have to own the house with him for that though as tenants in common. Or has he just made you sign a random piece of paper saying you won’t try and claim his house? Because you can’t have a prenup without being married (besides the fact it’s pointless as you have no rights over his house as a non married partner) and you can’t get a declaration of trust if you don’t own the house in part.

Is he Andrew Tate?

You seem to have been really passive. Speak to a solicitor to find out what you're rights are, if any.

And get back to work as soon as possible. This man is out for himself. You need to face that fact.

How can you have a prenup if you are not married?

You need to sit him down and ask why he is comfortable leaving you and your children so terribly vulnerable.

If he dies you could be destitute.

At minimum he needs life insurance and a will.

If he refuses then I’d be seriously planning an exit strategy.

You need to be thinking about getting back to work as soon as possible after mat leave.

I’d question whether someone who left me and his children in such a vulnerable position loved me (or them).

Because he wants to be able to fuck you over with minimum effort and money when the time comes. That is what this is about.

Yes a deed of trust ! He brought me out because we moved to a different area!

Sorry didn’t finish post and I didn’t feel equal to him as he really showed me it was “ his “ house due to how much deposit he had put down

I'm not being spiteful I'm not familiar with the legal system in the UK.

Why did moving to a different area mean he had to buy you out?

But do you own any of the house? A deed of trust is normally used to protect the person putting down the bigger amount. I got one drawn up when I bought a house with my (Now but not then) husband as I put down a HUGE deposit compared to him. So yes I protected it. But he still owns his share.

How did you get to child 3 without sorting you finances out?

Eurgh OP, why did you ever agree to this.

If he isn’t willing to marry you, have a will put in place or put you on the deeds you are in a dead relationship IMO.

Youre meant to be a partnership and working together in life not conspiring and calculating as to who has/would have what. What’s the point in being a family unit if it’s one man for him self and they rest can go fuck themselves.

You’d be better off without him.

I wouldn't be impressed, but then I wouldn't have multiple children with a man who wouldn't offer me the security of marriage. He's not treating you as a full partner. He's not treating you with love and care. That's how I'd feel, and that's what I'd tell him.

I'd expect the man I shared my life with to put my security (and the security of any children we shared) above all else. It's not much to ask.