What an insult !!!

[rosesarebeautiful7]

Been with partner 15 years 3 kids between ages of 1m and 8 ( all both of ours ) used to own a house together but he asked me to sign a prenup to make sure I didn’t get his deposit money, when we moved he brought me out ( 7k ) and I didn’t go on the next mortgage, fast forward to 3 kids and many years later I’ve said I’ve got no security, it’s completely his house I’ve mentioned this to him as we have kids together I’ve said to him I don’t feel like it’s my home and no security he could ask me to leave at any time !

I have spoke to him about this he messages me today as he’s been “ thinking “ he will write it down a “ letter “ to say that if anything happens to him then the house Is left to me and the kids !

im really insulted ! And not sure if im being unreasonable, we aren’t married we aren’t getting married either, I had hoped for some togetherness as a couple bringing up our kids together ! Please no comments about going to work my baby is only 5 weeks so that isn’t an option! X

no @Princess90x not the case. in most instances especially if unmarried and physically able to be employed.

CAB has a decent guide marriage v cohabitation.
He needs a will (but can change it without telling you) and ensure he’s nominated a beneficiary for his pension for a start (but can change it)
It’s a precarious position to be in.
Do you have joint account? If he dies then you have no legal relationship so accessing things like his bank accounts or getting final salary paid to you will be impossible.
I was pleased to see govt has updated guidance for schools to teach difference between marriage/civil partnerships and cohabitation from next year.

This is not correct. They are unmarried, she has no claim on the house and she has no legal right to be there in the event of a split.

The OP's partner will just have to pay CMS

This is slightly out of date as unmarried partners get bereavement support allowance now (widows allowance) but shows types of obstacles you’ll face unless he’s made adequate provision.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7334313/amp/I-never-felt-marriage-important-day-Paolo-died.html
I can understand some people don’t want marriage but if you are living as partners can’t understand why you wouldn’t register civil partnership. You registered your baby at council offices a few weeks ago, it’s same type of process.

I Also was told i had to sign a form to say I wouldn’t try and claim any rights to the house he brought - he said this is normal when buying a house if your not on the mortgage xx

Unfortunately some only do religious ceremony not legal ceremony so end up in same boat as Op despite considering themselves married.

Why on earth did you allow him to buy you out for £7k and then agree not to go onto the deeds and mortgage (but particularly the deeds) for the next property? That really was extremely silly of you and makes me think that you are not at all financially savvy. You literally signed away your own security right there!!

I highly doubt too that £7k would have been anywhere close to a fair deal. Did you even bother to work it out or did you just take his word for it? It might have been different if he'd been giving you hundreds of thousands, but that's not the case.

Why did you sign any prenuptial agreement if there is no chance or intention (at least on his part) of actually getting married? The word actually means pre-marital agreement in case you didn't realise it.

You need to start trying to get back into the job market. Begin building yourself back up again without having to rely on this piece of shit who has shafted you so thoroughly.

You've been very foolish and made yourself extremely vulnerable here.

A letter will not be worth the paper it is written on. It's a properly drawn up legal will that is needed otherwise the laws of intestacy will apply in the event of his death. If you need further explanation of those then I can recommend a Channel 4 documentary called Heir Hunters, which is available on On Demand.

Remember though that wills can be changed. If he did make one he'd be under no obligation to notify you of changes either, and I would bet that he wouldn't. That's why you need to be on the DEEDS of the house and make very sure that you don't sign your share away (which I'm afraid you did).

Honestly, this is at least the second such thread that I have seen in the last couple of days, and they do come along with relentless regularity. Why, why, why are some women (I'm afraid it is nearly always women in these cases) so determined to put themselves so completely at the mercy of shitty men??

Why are you keeping having children with this man, who clearly doesn't see you as his partner at all? Even enough to write a Will for goodness sake? Why are there so many men seeming to think this is ok?

Why would you not get this ironed out before having any children? You need legal advice, OP, and fast.

You've made some poor decisions here and now there is no easy way out. Even if he makes a will, he can change it at any point. In your situation I would definitely go back to work and focus on my career. You have allowed yourself to become extremely vulnerable.

Yes mortgage providers will often require this so any adults living in house they don’t own eg adult children sign to say don’t have any claim on it.
Didn’t him asking you to sign it lead to a conversation with him and alarm bells. Form usually advises to seek independent legal advice.
You have less rights than a lodger. If he asks you to go tonight you need to leave his house, you are a guest.

He has taken you for a fool OP, you have fallen for his lies & BS.

It's not normal at all if you are in a proper family setup, bringing up children together in what should be the secure family home. Stop accepting this bullshit.

Who told you that? Him at a guess. A decent solicitor surely wouldn't have. It might be legally correct, but it wasn't set up with a view to protecting your interests.

This is correct-although the mortgage provider saying that.

The only thing you can do now is think about your situation going forward. He won't marry you - this is harsh but he doesn't love you enough to marry you. You love him more than he loves you. Do you really want to stay in a relationship where you are a second class citizen, not an equal partner. It's a terrible example to set for your daughters too - oh your dad is happy enough to have sex with me, but he won't marry me. You're just a housekeeper who he has sex with really.

I agree with pps you'd be better off leaving him, getting a privte rent, get UC etc.
when your baby is older, look for work, you'll get help with childcare. Think about and start protecting your financial future.
there was an awful thread on here recently about a man who threw his GF out at 36 weeks pregnant. She has no rights. You are the same - he can throw you out at any time

Why have you been so passive throughout this? You need to find your backbone.

For the umpteenth time...it's "bought" not "brought".

This is why every girl should be taught no children before marriage. Non negotiable.

It's old fashioned, it's boring, but it's for a very good reason.

Didn’t your instincts scream out to you?

It’s tragic that there are so many threads about this on MN.

I'm guessing you have no pension provision either? This is just another form of financial abuse in my view. These men are happy to steal your time and your labour and have you bring up their children but they won't share a penny with you when it comes down to it. You need to make a plan to invest for YOUR future OP. Sure as anything this fine specimen of a man you've lumbered yourself with will do a runner when it suits him. You (and the state) will be left to bring up his kids on the crumbs he throws your way while he enjoys the wealth your labour helped provide.
You need to make it clear to him you will be going back to work ASAP and he will be paying for half the childcare. DO NOT listen to the guilt trip when he tries to talk you out of this. Why should he get free childcare while you sacrifice yourself???
I cannot believe in 2025 women are still in these positions. It makes me want to weep. My mother taught me 40 years ago to ALWAYS have your own money. She was left high and dry after a divorce in the early 80s (free school meals, scraping around for uniform, no school trips for us while my 'dad' holidayed abroad etc) and she made sure I got a university education so I would always be able to provide for myself. She would be so disappointed in me if I ever relied on some bloke financially.

Serious question - what will he say to you if you tell him you will leave him if he won't commit to marriage?

My DH would have been quite happy not to marry. But I wanted marriage, for various reasons which I won't go into. Anyway, I said I will not stay if we don't get married. It's not blackmail - it's standing up for yourself and what matters to you.

of all the things to focus on in this thread, this isn’t it. 🙄

He’s waiting to meet ‘the one’

its not you OP

Jeez why do women get into these financial situations? Other MN beware!
You are in a very exposed position, but then you know that - I’m sorry you’ve ended up like this.

Getting married would give you security but you have few bargaining chips to persuade him sadly and he has no incentive to put himself at a financial disadvantage.
If he was honourable he’d marry you or at least make a detailed will with a solicitor, but I suspect he’s not that honourable.
Hope you get a happy solution - fingers crossed.

He is clearly going to screw you over.

He wants the children, the partner at home to do the childcare and all the basic household stuff that he doesn't want to do.

When the kids are out of full time education and he doesn't have to pay towards their upkeep, he will tell you to leave. He will have his house, his career, his wages and his pension. You will have nothing.

This is his plan.

Thread is incidental (I don’t think it’s intentional?) rage bait for pedants in ANY region (someone once tried to claim this mistake as ‘regional’); “brought” instead of “bought” is in 3/5ths of OP’s comments.

I’m actually not trying to be a dick to an OP who is clearly stressed (my best advice, OP? If a man makes varied excuses to not get married, it’s not that he doesn’t want to marry - it’s that he doesn’t want to marry you; pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and you’re worth so much more). You can write however you want on the Internet - who gives a fuck what we think? We’re strangers who don’t matter. It’s just that this isn’t a mistake you’d want to make in an email to your boss.

bought - past tense of “to buy”
brought - past tense of “to bring”

He BOUGHT some beers on offer at Aldi for £5.
He BROUGHT the beers to the picnic.

For work emails:
Natalie BOUGHT lunch on the trip so she needs to be reimbursed.
Alex BROUGHT the presentation to me this morning; I’m attaching it to this email.

So, OP’s ex BOUGHT her out of their house for £7K.