What an insult !!!

[rosesarebeautiful7]

Been with partner 15 years 3 kids between ages of 1m and 8 ( all both of ours ) used to own a house together but he asked me to sign a prenup to make sure I didn’t get his deposit money, when we moved he brought me out ( 7k ) and I didn’t go on the next mortgage, fast forward to 3 kids and many years later I’ve said I’ve got no security, it’s completely his house I’ve mentioned this to him as we have kids together I’ve said to him I don’t feel like it’s my home and no security he could ask me to leave at any time !

I have spoke to him about this he messages me today as he’s been “ thinking “ he will write it down a “ letter “ to say that if anything happens to him then the house Is left to me and the kids !

im really insulted ! And not sure if im being unreasonable, we aren’t married we aren’t getting married either, I had hoped for some togetherness as a couple bringing up our kids together ! Please no comments about going to work my baby is only 5 weeks so that isn’t an option! X

Have you been paying towards this mortgage? He made you sign a prenup over £7000?
Its not normal to buy someone out, or not put your long term partner on just because you’ve moved or put a measly 7k deposit on a house.
It looks to me as if he’s pulled a fast one with you over this.
He won’t put you on the mortgage, he won’t marry you and hes tricked you as well.

LTB????

Please start getting your ducks in a row, this guy needs to get in the bin

If the letter is legally binding ok but you need to find out
also a good idea for someone else to have a copy you can write a will for free with the ‘planning crowd ‘ several uk charities also offer a free will -writing service
I don’t understand why anyone would not want bereaved family members to have added economic insecurity I would want to die knowing I had treated my family fairly and left them in the best condition to be secure you can easily set up a discretionary trust for family members who are on benefits
as long as the money is not spent on daily expenses
it can be used for cars holidays or anything else
it does not have any impact on means tested benefits

As someone who has just been divorced, trust me I know about all of this from a legal point of view. I'll tell you what the solicitors told me. A prenup is not worth the paper it's written on so don't worry 😂 if you're married everything goes into the pot and is split reasonably usually 50/50 unless there is good enough reason to split it unequally eg you would bring the kids up in your home or had health problems etc etc

Not all traditions. Marriage offers legal protection but everything else related to it has no standing. You can be married without a party, a white dress, rings, name and title changes……..

If he’s anti marriage then why not see if he’ll agree to civil partnership. If he’s anti that you’ll know his true colours.
It’s been around since 2019 for opposite sex couples.
Op will have been at council office a couple of weeks ago to register baby. Would have been ideal time to say to him let’s book appointment to do civil paperwork at same time. No need for any fuss or to tell anyone.

I think that’s rude and unkind.

What a twatty comment!

@rosesarebeautiful7 you have been very trusting and very naive. This man seems to have told you things that you have accepted as the truth without question. Time to take some power back. He's treating you like an appliance and you have gone along with it.

It may be twatty but it's the truth.

https://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/blog/unmarried-couples-owning-property-together-the-law/

Some solictors seem to espouse seeking legal advice - maybe for earnings!

In Scotland the situation is less cut & dried.

Which UK country are you in?

A Court decides up here. Irrespective.

www.thorntons-law.co.uk/knowledge/cohabitation-in-scotland-and-your-rights

And we are specifically talking about legal rights given through marriage. You are the only one clutching at straws talking about parties and dresses etc. In all honesty you have added nothing to this conversation and proven once more that an empty vessel makes the most noise.

Oh sorry. Should we all just hug and say its a great situation OP is in. She has gotten herself in a right pickle and being rather blunt about it she has been naive and quite stupid. Her immature behaviour has let her children now live with very little security and she is upset about it after the fact. If she doesn't want security then she has done a good thing. She's played family and its chill now. But should she have held out for marriage before moving in and having kids?? Well yh she would be in a much stronger position. I. Not here to rub tummies and say its all going to be ok when it isnt. We need to show this for what it is, an example of how things can go wrong so others can learn form it.

Get married. Have rights then have kids

Truth hurts im afraid. Nothing i can. Do about that

It doesn't always protect you to be married. It used to be that way when women were not earning and relied on the husband financially. But to the person spouting off a lot of hate - have some compassion. And for the record, marriage doesn't protect you. Quite the opposite. I found out through marriage that I was financially responsible for all my husbands debts and he was entitled to all of my savings so how is that fair? When I've been responsible all these years and he has got into debt again and again. So no, marriage does not protect you. It harms you sometimes!

Multiple people have said that marriage isn’t always needed or a good idea for every woman. The statement that it is essential applies to the classic ‘husband has full time ‘big job’, wife is SAHM or has part time job or lower paid job to fit around the kids’ model of parenthood. It may be less common today than 50 years ago but it still happens a lot (also, I know at least one couple where the husband has the lower paid, flexible job on a third his wife’s wage so he is available for the children).

You are actually confirming that marriage does protect the partner with less money - your husband was protected by the marriage certificate. It’s just that these days, sometimes the higher earning partner / partner with savings is the wife.

The OP has no savings, no house and no income and is living with a man who could throw her on the street tomorrow. Child support in E&W is derisory and based on the income of the father not the needs of the children so unless the OP’s partner is a high earner (which I assume she would have mentioned), unless she is prepared to leave the children with their father and be the EOW parent, she will get a few hundred pounds a month at best.

Why should I bail out my husband when he repeatedly gets into debt? And by the way he was the higher earner not me. He earned more and I earned less. I paid for more household things than he did. I never got into debt. He always got into debt. Marriage did nothing to protect me. It protected a financial abuser is all it did. I was responsible for all his spending and he was entitled to my inheritance when my family member died. Screw that.

Why are you guys together? Sounds like people sharing a house rather than a family?

And again, you are confirming the point everyone on this thread is making - marriage protected the financially weaker partner, your husband.

The fact you don’t think it was fair and that in your case he acted poorly to get himself in that position (rather than taking a financial hit for the benefit of the family as in the OP’s case) does not alter the underlying argument.

You can be on the deeds but not on the mortgage unless you have an income.

a letter means nothing. Even pre-nups don’t really mean anything in English law.

wills can be contested but if you’re not getting married then a will is your best bet.

he doesn’t have to marry you, he’s allowed to have that choice. Not everyone wants to be married. But he should be providing some
form of security for you and the children.

Or maybe she didn’t want to get married? Or she likes the sound of his surname better with the kids’ first names? Or maybe a woman wants to be able to leave if she wants to without having to be bound by legal contracts? Or maybe she hates her father and would rather not give that name to her kids? It’s so silly. No point in surnames at all really - unless they pass down there’s no need

So who pays the mortgage and all the bills?
Does he pay you to provide the childcare and other services you provide? This is not a healthy set up. IMO. In archaic, puts no value on what you bring to the household and he's basically got one foot out the door all the time.

You should get proper legal advice. I think you can register a non-financial interest in a property. Most importantly, don't do nothing.