What an insult !!!

[rosesarebeautiful7]

Been with partner 15 years 3 kids between ages of 1m and 8 ( all both of ours ) used to own a house together but he asked me to sign a prenup to make sure I didn’t get his deposit money, when we moved he brought me out ( 7k ) and I didn’t go on the next mortgage, fast forward to 3 kids and many years later I’ve said I’ve got no security, it’s completely his house I’ve mentioned this to him as we have kids together I’ve said to him I don’t feel like it’s my home and no security he could ask me to leave at any time !

I have spoke to him about this he messages me today as he’s been “ thinking “ he will write it down a “ letter “ to say that if anything happens to him then the house Is left to me and the kids !

im really insulted ! And not sure if im being unreasonable, we aren’t married we aren’t getting married either, I had hoped for some togetherness as a couple bringing up our kids together ! Please no comments about going to work my baby is only 5 weeks so that isn’t an option! X

You need to speak to him , get everything out in the open. Tell him you’ve been thinking too, and you feel you are a victim of financial abuse . He is not just refusing to give you security but his children too. You have given him three children and put your working life on the back burner to do it. You are a partner in as much as you care for the kids and everything else and yet he refuses to acknowledge your contribution. Then, when your youngest is older, get out there and get a job and start building your own future. He sounds a right piece of work - won’t put your name in the house, won’t make a proper will , refuses to marry you knowing it’s what you want . I hope you have given the kids YOUR surname

This man is not your forever. Sorry OP

OP you’ve been taken for a fool. Time and time and time again.

You aren’t married so aren’t easily entitled to half the assets.

You had kids with a man who doesn’t see you as equal and doesn’t want to get married.

You let him buy you out and any ‘right’ to thr house.

You signed legal documents without getting advise (which isn’t normal mortgage documents btw).

You have left yourself very vulnerable if as you say he leaves you.

You aren’t working and have no ability to be indepemdant with the above and no income coming in.

The insult was about five instances ago. Fool me once fool on you, fool me twice fool on me. And you are at at least five times in.

Stop worrying about his attitude and tart worrying in making this situation financially aafwe for you and your children/.

I know the poster isn't married, so there is no prenup but, for other PPs:

Are prenups upheld in England?

Yes, but with conditions. Since the landmark 2010 case Radmacher v Granatino, English courts will give weight to a prenup provided that:

1. Both parties entered into it freely and without pressure or duress.

1. They had full understanding of the implications (usually meaning legal advice and financial disclosure).

1. The terms are fair and meet the needs of both parties and any children.

You could have still been in the deeds with a proviso that he can have his deposit back but then you would have benefitted from the rise in the property price and be entitled to half of the proceeds should you separate

He's not going to marry you or put you on the deeds because there's no benefit for him to do that.

I totally agree with you there!

A good friend had a 30 year relationship like yours. Being "modern, we don't need to put a ring on it, we're together forever"... until they were not.

She left with absolutely nothing, and no legal rights to any more.

Our laws are, archaically, biased in favour of marriage, for religious reasons which politicians refuse to challenge.

A will is no use. It is valid only until he changes it without telling you. At the very least you need the house transferred into joint names.

Surely he should just add you to the mortgage deeds? Otherwise if anything does happen u will have to go through a very long process.

Do you take responsibility for anything in your own life, or do you just wait to be told what's what?

I have no sympathy @rosesarebeautiful7, you have allowed this absolute shit show. He doesn’t want to marry you, he doesn’t want to share assets with you. You don’t matter one bit to him apart from to produce his children and do the donkey work. He saw you coming.

If he won’t marry you, you are best off leaving as soon as your baby is old enough and forging your own life. He can (and probably will) ditch you eventually and leave you high and dry.

I am genuinely baffled how women can be so bloody stupid.

Hey OP, I hope you’re okay and not finding this thread too stressful. Lots of suggestions to LTB isn’t too helpful when you’re sleep deprived with a 1 month baby and two primary aged kids…

You’re making some good conclusions and perhaps some couples counselling with your partner will help guide a constructive discussion, so you can understand what’s truly driving his actions, and he can hear your concerns too. Only then can you really know what your next step should be.

I wish you all the very best xx

His behaviour is outrageous! If this ever went to court he would have a stark awakening. Please get yourself some legal advice, most solicitors do a free 30/45 mins.

It’s not as simple as this when there’s a lender involved and the party being added has no job and therefore no way of being able to make repayments …. There are a small number of lenders who may agree to this - I think metro bank offer it - so best get checking lenders as it will cost to remortgage the property

It isn't just the mortgage to consider. Have you ensured that you have enough NI contributions credited to you when you had the children? I apologise for copying the following from a lawyer's site. I am disabled and sometimes have problems typing.

A lot of cohabitees have to rely on discretion to be awarded part of their partner’s pension and may have to face an uphill battle to prove their relationship and show they are dependent. Unmarried couples don’t have the right to benefit from pensions or life insurance policies, unless stated formally as a beneficiary.
Unmarried couples also have no rights to inherit state pension should one partner pass away

Oh no, sorry to hear that, why you never got married and won’t marry him ? If you plan your life together and have three kids, what was the reason behind not legalising your relationship?

He bought you out!?! Red flags right there!

Thats just plain weird and like he wants an escape plan, he obviously doesnt trust you sadly.
Me and my hubby (before we were married and before kids) when we bought our first house we had an agreement in place because he put more deposit down than me as he had some inheritance from a family member and i had what i managed to save up from working. We had a 60/40 agreement, i was a little heartbroken and felt a bit miffed at the time but i kinda got why he wanted that, Well i ended up earning more because he only worked part time zero hours contract and was a Uni student and i worked full time so it ended up balancing out because when i had our first child he was working full time and i was on maternity. When we got our forever house together we scrapped that idea and it was just 50/50 like normal, at the end of the day i work 20 hours and he works full time but also we now have 3 kids 2-9 years old and weve been together 20 years this week.

I would be extremely concerned if my hubby bought me out of my half of the house!

Problem is that he wouldn’t get a ‘stark awakening’. He’s done nothing legally wrong, just morally by telling OP he’d buy her out and giving her no security which she has now realised.

Legal advice might assist now in the event that OP needs to separate from him. From what I recall he is obliged to make sure the kids have a roof over their head until the end of tertiary education.

OP - you really do need a good talk with your partner. Calm, when the kids are not around, and try not to get upset and you state what you need matter of fact. Ask him for civil partnership for financial protection in the event that something happens to him. If he says no then you need to decide if this relationship is for you. And yes, I know that’s a huge thing given you have a newborn and you’re probably exhausted, and you will likely be feeling the strain especially after all the comments above.

Time to plan your exit if he doesn't give you financial security.

Legal advice might assist now in the event that OP needs to separate from him. From what I recall he is obliged to make sure the kids have a roof over their head until the end of tertiary education

That will come as a great surprise to all the mothers getting a couple of hundred pounds a month at best child support. When did the law change? I’m sure they will all want to rush out and claim full rent for the children’s accommodation. (/s)

This is a myth. Just like ‘common law rights’ which don’t exist either. And claims under the Children Act only work if the non resident parent is a very high earner.

https://www.slatergordon.co.uk/newsroom/is-my-ex-partner-obligated-to-provide-housing-for-our-child-when-going/

Actually he’d probably walk away laughing with all the assets and probably his costs charged to the OP for filing a lawsuit with no hope of success.

You’re right. You have no security and no rights in relation to this property. Please ignore others who tell you that you do or should have an equitable interest in the property. You don’t, assuming that when you co-owned a property, you took the cash back and have not contributed financially to this property (ie no deposit, mortgage payment etc). Look up the case Burns v Burns. There are many simple illustrations of this case online and we have not moved further along 40 years later.

You can either put up with it and maintain the status quo, suggest marriage/CP or leave him and accept you have nothing but your savings.

Schedule 1 of the CA 1989 provides potential to stay in a home until youngest is aged 18 to raise the children. It can be applied for but no guarantee of success, unless he has a second residence he can live in.

I'd be leaving sorry committed for children but to to ensure you have a home anything happened to him and sadly things can accident anything you are not entitled to a roof over you and your children's head marriage or nothing I said to my husband when we had or first son. Take care,

I'd be leaving sorry committed for children but to to ensure you have a home anything happened to him and sadly things can accident anything you are not entitled to a roof over you and your children's head marriage or nothing I said to my husband when we had or first son. Take care,