Page 14 | What an insult !!!

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 22/07/2025 23:57

rosesarebeautiful7 · 21/07/2025 14:08

Been with partner 15 years 3 kids between ages of 1m and 8 ( all both of ours ) used to own a house together but he asked me to sign a prenup to make sure I didn’t get his deposit money, when we moved he brought me out ( 7k ) and I didn’t go on the next mortgage, fast forward to 3 kids and many years later I’ve said I’ve got no security, it’s completely his house I’ve mentioned this to him as we have kids together I’ve said to him I don’t feel like it’s my home and no security he could ask me to leave at any time !

I have spoke to him about this he messages me today as he’s been “ thinking “ he will write it down a “ letter “ to say that if anything happens to him then the house Is left to me and the kids !

im really insulted ! And not sure if im being unreasonable, we aren’t married we aren’t getting married either, I had hoped for some togetherness as a couple bringing up our kids together ! Please no comments about going to work my baby is only 5 weeks so that isn’t an option! X

Bought, not brought!

MyQuirkyTraybake · 22/07/2025 23:58

It's simple.

You need a job. Dump all housework. Hand him the baby. Get volunteering and applying.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 22/07/2025 23:59

HedgehogOnTheBike · 21/07/2025 14:13

You owned a house together but he brought you out of it? Why.

BOUGHT!!!!

BUY = BOUGHT
BRING = BROUGHT

celticnations · 23/07/2025 00:07

You're on thin ice should you break up. A Court might allocate you 50% of the house in that event.

I strongly suggest a discreet chat with a solicitor or family law specialist. And you need to start looking to your own financial security asap.

Lass, you are not in a good situation. Went through this with our unmarried dd when her partner found someone else.

Have you parents? Siblings?

TheaBrandt1 · 23/07/2025 00:12

Stop banging on about solicitors. She has no rights. What’s a solicitor going to do except tell her that? We are not magicians we can’t give her rights she does not have.

LemondrizzleShark · 23/07/2025 00:21

celticnations · 23/07/2025 00:07

You're on thin ice should you break up. A Court might allocate you 50% of the house in that event.

I strongly suggest a discreet chat with a solicitor or family law specialist. And you need to start looking to your own financial security asap.

Lass, you are not in a good situation. Went through this with our unmarried dd when her partner found someone else.

Have you parents? Siblings?

A UK court is not going to allocate 50% of his house to a random girlfriend (which is all OP is to him, legally) who isn’t on the deeds, hasn’t contributed to the mortgage, and who he bought out of the house already, several years ago.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 23/07/2025 00:22

Zov · 21/07/2025 19:06

OP has said several times that her boyfriend owns the house. Check her posts. There's only 4 or 5 o them!

First post... from @rosesarebeautiful7

Been with partner 15 years 3 kids between ages of 1m and 8 (all both of ours) used to own a house together but he asked me to sign a prenup to make sure I didn’t get his deposit money, when we moved he brought me out ( 7k ) and I didn’t go on the next mortgage

And...

Yes a deed of trust ! He brought me out because we moved to a different area!

Also...

I didn’t feel equal to him as he really showed me it was “ his “ house due to how much deposit he had put down

AND

I Also was told i had to sign a form to say I wouldn’t try and claim any rights to the house he brought - he said this is normal when buying a house if your not on the mortgage.

The OP is clearly not entitled to a shred of that house!

I'm still wondering what 'we have 3 kids, all both of ours' means though...

Edited

Show quote history

It quite obviously means that all of the three children are both of theirs (hers and her partners three children)

LemondrizzleShark · 23/07/2025 00:28

I Also was told i had to sign a form to say I wouldn’t try and claim any rights to the house he brought - he said this is normal when buying a house if your not on the mortgage

To be fair, that part is true. DH had to sign something similar when we bought this place (he is self employed and couldn’t prove his income for the requisite number of years, so it’s in my name alone). Mortgage company made him sign a form so if the house is repossessed he can’t claim half of it is actually his, or refuse to leave.

Obviously as we are married, if we split I’d have to give him half the equity either way.

5YearsLeft · 23/07/2025 00:49

Emonade · 22/07/2025 22:52

How condescending, fuck right off

Show quote history

Me: “If you don’t fix this mistake, you will be judged in formal settings. Here is the mistake.”
This thread: Many comments judging and proving my point, and this isn’t even a formal setting where it matters.
You: Condescending. Fuck off.

If you want to tell some total random to fuck off, you do you. I’ll go ahead and cancel our “best m8s” necklaces 😂

ScruffyTrouserMindFlip · 23/07/2025 00:51

What an odd arrangement. Sounds as though your husband doesn't like you much!

I guess you'll either have to work really hard to build up a career when your youngest is a bit older

OR

Just put up with his shit forever, whatever he does, and hope and pray really hard that he doesn't get bored of you one day and just kick you out.

Sorry you are in this situation!

AlexStocks · 23/07/2025 01:09

rosesarebeautiful7 · 21/07/2025 17:18

I Also was told i had to sign a form to say I wouldn’t try and claim any rights to the house he brought - he said this is normal when buying a house if your not on the mortgage xx

And you took his word for it? Look, this is a tough situation. I feel badly for you. If you are paying on any part of that house or upkeep, then you should be on the deed.

I think the insult was actually when he asked for a "prenup"

T1Dmama · 23/07/2025 01:17

rosesarebeautiful7 · 21/07/2025 17:18

I Also was told i had to sign a form to say I wouldn’t try and claim any rights to the house he brought - he said this is normal when buying a house if your not on the mortgage xx

Christ he’s stitched you up good and proper!

RosyDaysAhead · 23/07/2025 01:44

Just to add to this. As well as leaving yourself extremely vulnerable now, it’s sounds like you aren’t future proof protected in terms of pension either. Without any employment are you paying your NI contributions? Does your partner have you named on his pension? Without being married you won’t get automatic claim to his pension if he dies whilst employed (if that is a clause in his pension) and you won’t have anything of your own to live off in your old age - especially without a house to downsize from if you needed to have some financial back up.

you need both financial and legal advice.

Also, if this man is committed enough to live with you and have babies together, you need to ask what he is playing at if he is giving you no financial security if he passes whilst the kids are still under 18?

Tiffypops · 23/07/2025 03:06

I honestly don't think you have much to worry about. In the event of a break up or his passing you will, by right of contribution to the family home and upbringing of children, you are protected.
Go see a good solicitor privately for peace of mind.

celticnations · 23/07/2025 03:48

TheaBrandt1 · 23/07/2025 00:12

Stop banging on about solicitors. She has no rights. What’s a solicitor going to do except tell her that? We are not magicians we can’t give her rights she does not have.

Well, my dd successfully got 50%. Her solicitor "banged on" about demonstrably having contributed & having a child together. That contribution was primarily by paying him a share of the mortgage.

celticnations · 23/07/2025 03:49

T1Dmama · 23/07/2025 01:17

Christ he’s stitched you up good and proper!

Show quote history

Yep.

Topseyt123 · 23/07/2025 03:57

Tiffypops · 23/07/2025 03:06

I honestly don't think you have much to worry about. In the event of a break up or his passing you will, by right of contribution to the family home and upbringing of children, you are protected.
Go see a good solicitor privately for peace of mind.

It doesn't work this way in the UK, especially England and Wales.

celticnations · 23/07/2025 05:03

The Law Society website has advice concerning your situation.

You have no rights unless you have contributed to a deposit or major work on the house, or that you have made a previous agreement. A Will is a must.

IMO you need to build your cash assets up once you can work again. Consider if you broke up in your 50s, say with little to your name. Protect yourself financially.

NB He is liable for Child Support costs if you broke up.

Weald56 · 23/07/2025 05:38

l would seek legal advice.

BoomerBoy · 23/07/2025 06:02

Make it about the kids.

Say, you are not happy that they have no security. You want your name on the deeds so that if anything happens to him ( like you push him under a bus) then your joint kids will have security. Say "You've been thinking".

Bayou2000 · 23/07/2025 06:38

Can I say this type of controlling behaviour will become worse when you split up (and you will…he has been preparing for it since at least the point he bought you out.)
I am in a similar position and this behaviour runs deep. My ex is now hiding money from the CMA and is paying £99 a week for out 3 children. Have a think about what that buys.
At the very least see a lawyer and get an opinion, however my lawyer was horrified at what I had put up with.
Also my ex, despite being together for 25 yrs, was still married to his wife. Another fact that blew my lawyer’s mind.
It’s very liberating to unravel yourself from this situation. As many posters above have said it is financial abuse.

Landlords · 23/07/2025 07:01

If letters worked, people wouldn’t write wills.

IAmTooOldFor · 23/07/2025 07:48

I haven’t read all the thread, just the OPs posts but did you know that it’s £££ to change a mortgaged house from sole to joint ownership?

I’m currently the “sole owner” of our house because DH was between contracts when we moved so we got a better mortgage in my name alone. If we wanted to put his name on the deeds he’d also need to be on the mortgage. To remortgage in both our names we’d have to pay stamp duty again (possibly only 50%) as the govt count it as selling the house!

IAmTooOldFor · 23/07/2025 07:56

LemondrizzleShark · 23/07/2025 00:28

I Also was told i had to sign a form to say I wouldn’t try and claim any rights to the house he brought - he said this is normal when buying a house if your not on the mortgage

To be fair, that part is true. DH had to sign something similar when we bought this place (he is self employed and couldn’t prove his income for the requisite number of years, so it’s in my name alone). Mortgage company made him sign a form so if the house is repossessed he can’t claim half of it is actually his, or refuse to leave.

Obviously as we are married, if we split I’d have to give him half the equity either way.

I wonder if this is specific to certain mtg companies. My DH didn’t sign anything when “I” bought our current house in 2021. We’ve been together 18 years, with 2 children and the sizeable deposit came from the sale of our previous home but had been held in an account in just his name and the bank didn’t bat an eyelid!

ForNoisyCat · 23/07/2025 08:01

You really need some legal advice. Try citizens advice bureau, also private solicitors will give you a free 20-30 minute session. I really wish you well / you have been financially abused - a form of domestic abuse - and this is a criminal offence.