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Original poster

What an insult !!!

398 replies

rosesarebeautiful7 · 21/07/2025 14:08

Been with partner 15 years 3 kids between ages of 1m and 8 ( all both of ours ) used to own a house together but he asked me to sign a prenup to make sure I didn’t get his deposit money, when we moved he brought me out ( 7k ) and I didn’t go on the next mortgage, fast forward to 3 kids and many years later I’ve said I’ve got no security, it’s completely his house I’ve mentioned this to him as we have kids together I’ve said to him I don’t feel like it’s my home and no security he could ask me to leave at any time !

I have spoke to him about this he messages me today as he’s been “ thinking “ he will write it down a “ letter “ to say that if anything happens to him then the house Is left to me and the kids !

im really insulted ! And not sure if im being unreasonable, we aren’t married we aren’t getting married either, I had hoped for some togetherness as a couple bringing up our kids together ! Please no comments about going to work my baby is only 5 weeks so that isn’t an option! X

OP posts:
Spinmerightroundbaby · 22/07/2025 20:38

Mumbeach · 22/07/2025 20:03

His behaviour is outrageous! If this ever went to court he would have a stark awakening. Please get yourself some legal advice, most solicitors do a free 30/45 mins.

I wish this were true. Sadly not. He’s been very savvy and OP has no rights to the property.

BrightLeader · 22/07/2025 20:40

Go to see a solicitor immediately !!

ScartlettSole · 22/07/2025 20:48

Gingerbreadman1972 · 21/07/2025 14:38

Yes it's an insult, you are right to be insulted. He needs to write a will ASAP and also put you on the deeds. If he loved you, he would do this for you.

If he doesn't want to do it though, then what? Not sure what you want people to say, you've made it clear working isn't an option, you don't want to be married, and you've got children you'd be responsible for in the event of a break up with no financial set up.

Hopefully he'll do the right thing but you don't have much leverage here and you've stayed for 15 years without marriage, having children, without any security for him, so why would he suddenly change now.

The best thing you can do in this situation would be to marry him. I say that as someone who took 12 years to marry my DP - quite happy not being married, but I was absolutely 50% owner of any property we owned, and always worked in some capacity so knew I'd be ok in event of a break up

Edited

I own my home, it is mine. I paid for it with my money outright, no chance id put my partners name on the deeds, why should i?!

I do have a will which does leave him the house but not putting his name on the deeds does not mean i dont love him 🙄

DearDenimEagle · 22/07/2025 20:49

BooneyBeautiful · 22/07/2025 18:31

Not even a legal document in England, so carries no weight whatsoever.

Show quote history

It’s not automatically enforceable, but a well drafted pre nup will be taken into consideration in the UK. A Law in 2010 says they should be considered unless unfair

HumphreysCorner · 22/07/2025 20:57

When my DH and I got our house he briefly mentioned a pre-nup but that was absolutely not happening. Hope all works out.

Barefootmadre · 22/07/2025 21:07

I think you need to get some behind the scenes advice from a solicitor if he won’t marry you. You have probably essentially signed a prenup which isn’t ideal but they are usually not water tight if you go to the right person to poke at some holes.
I think your options are

  1. stay the way you are, entitled to 0. What if he dies first or wants you to leave?
  2. solicitor’s advice ASAP and get a copy of whatever you have signed!
  3. marry him, if he won’t marry you then you need to build an escape plan. BUT do you want to marry someone like that though?! It might mean you walk away with nothing but in the long run that might be better. He sounds like a selfish man child
BooneyBeautiful · 22/07/2025 21:09

DearDenimEagle · 22/07/2025 20:49

It’s not automatically enforceable, but a well drafted pre nup will be taken into consideration in the UK. A Law in 2010 says they should be considered unless unfair

Edited
Show quote history

Thank you. I thought some consideration might be given to a pre-nup, but wasn't quite sure of the actual legalities.

Cakeandusername · 22/07/2025 21:14

Solicitors can’t work miracles.
Op’s an adult. She’s made her choices.
He has no legal obligation to her.
All suggestions to put her foot down are unrealistic as if she demands and he says no you go she’s homeless.
Op has clarified the ‘prenup’ was a deed of trust which is common if unmarried people are purchasing and each contributing different amounts. It ensures everyone knows where stand.

PinotPony · 22/07/2025 21:15

“He really showed me…”

”I was told I had to sign…”

@rosesarebeautiful7Why did you blindly accept what your DP told you? You need to make an appointment with a Family solicitor to discuss your options.

Even if he won’t agree to marriage or a civil partnership, at the very least you need a cohabitation agreement setting out your intentions regarding the ownership of the property. As a “girlfriend” living in his house, he can chuck you out on a whim.

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 22/07/2025 21:22

Have you paid towards the mortgage or towards repairs or any work in the house? Honestly in most relationships one person minds the kids more which allows the other to have more warning power. If I was you I would start squirrelling away money and plan to be alone some day.

DearDenimEagle · 22/07/2025 21:23

OP , you left it a bit late to feel insulted.

You walked into this with your eyes wide open and you chose to have 3 children with no security.
So many think marriage is just a piece of paper.

It isn’t

It’s a legal protection, conferring rights
And no one should have children without legal protection.

The danger is, if you make waves, or fuss now, he will just kick you out, because he is using you, not loving you.

Ymiryboo · 22/07/2025 21:27

rosesarebeautiful7 · 21/07/2025 14:40

He doesn’t want to marry! I’ve asked several times if we can get married and he’s always made excuses

Sorry but he’s just not that into you, he’s making it so it’s easy to walk away.

BooneyBeautiful · 22/07/2025 21:29

CandidHedgehog · 22/07/2025 18:51

An actual pre-nup that follows the law generally is legally binding in E&W. Since they aren’t married, this isn’t a pre-nup and if it’s a cohabitation agreement (which is also legally binding), it seems to be one in his favour.

Show quote history

Thanks. I gather they are not automatically binding though. As you say, no good to OP though anyway since it seems her partner doesn't want to get married anyway.

Renoonabudget · 22/07/2025 22:03

rosesarebeautiful7 · 21/07/2025 17:18

I Also was told i had to sign a form to say I wouldn’t try and claim any rights to the house he brought - he said this is normal when buying a house if your not on the mortgage xx

He really has got you over a bloody barrel financially. I can't believe anyone who loved their partner would do this to them. Marriage is protection and he won't even write a proper will. What has happened to the money he bought you out with. Have you enough to put a deposit on a renta so you at least have a property to your namel?

Please don't tell me you've had to use it for maternity because he's a tight financially abusive cunt thats left all the financial sacrifices to you whilst he's built himself a nest egg. 😔

Fifthtimelucky · 22/07/2025 22:06

3peassuit · 21/07/2025 18:15

How to protect yourself financially should be taught to young girls at school in PSHE or whatever it’s called.

It is, though I don’t know if it was when the OP was at school.

grumpygrape · 22/07/2025 22:08

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 21/07/2025 14:12

Have you been saving towards your own financial security and independence? The boyfriend is open about prioritising that for himself, so you should be, too.

Wills don't matter for unmarried people, they can be changed at any time.

Do you know everything else you're missing out on by being legally single?

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Edited

This

Came on to say, yet again, that Wills can be changed within hours, marriages can’t.

Chinsupmeloves · 22/07/2025 22:15

Crazymayfly · 22/07/2025 20:05

It’s not as simple as this when there’s a lender involved and the party being added has no job and therefore no way of being able to make repayments …. There are a small number of lenders who may agree to this - I think metro bank offer it - so best get checking lenders as it will cost to remortgage the property

Show quote history

Ah sorry, didn't realise this, so you can't just add someone to mortgage who isn't deed to be able to contribute?

In that case definitely needs a will in place as otherwise a long and expensive process to get house deeds. Xx

Bedlingtonwarrior · 22/07/2025 22:17

This is from a man (sorry) but this man is a dick. He's looking out for his self

Emonade · 22/07/2025 22:52

5YearsLeft · 21/07/2025 17:53

Thread is incidental (I don’t think it’s intentional?) rage bait for pedants in ANY region (someone once tried to claim this mistake as ‘regional’); “brought” instead of “bought” is in 3/5ths of OP’s comments.

I’m actually not trying to be a dick to an OP who is clearly stressed (my best advice, OP? If a man makes varied excuses to not get married, it’s not that he doesn’t want to marry - it’s that he doesn’t want to marry you; pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and you’re worth so much more). You can write however you want on the Internet - who gives a fuck what we think? We’re strangers who don’t matter. It’s just that this isn’t a mistake you’d want to make in an email to your boss.

bought - past tense of “to buy”
brought - past tense of “to bring”

He BOUGHT some beers on offer at Aldi for £5.
He BROUGHT the beers to the picnic.

For work emails:
Natalie BOUGHT lunch on the trip so she needs to be reimbursed.
Alex BROUGHT the presentation to me this morning; I’m attaching it to this email.

So, OP’s ex BOUGHT her out of their house for £7K.

Show quote history

How condescending, fuck right off

TheaBrandt1 · 22/07/2025 23:00

There’s no point seeing a solicitor they will just say what you’ve been told on this thread. You’ve got no rights except possibly a Children’s Act claim but that can’t be guaranteed and you would need to pay to bring the claim. The solicitor would say you need to get married or failing that walk away and support yourself.

Isinglass20 · 22/07/2025 23:11

OP said he bought her out of her own property for £7k and then made her sign a pre-nup to protect the property which he took from her

Why on earth did OP agree to giving away her assets and security and her name on the Deeds. Suggests theft and coercive control to me.

I hope the scales have fallen from her eyes and recognises her vulnerability and those of her
children.

OP needs to wise up and protect herself. The fact that he also refuses to marry her sets out the situation which she needs to address and urgently.

Laurmolonlabe · 22/07/2025 23:27

He needs to write a will giving you the house, better still get him to put it in both your names- you should have insisted on this when you became pregnant with your first child, it is ridiculous, and worrying that you have no protection whatsoever. Obviously you have let this situation go on far too long, TBH for me alarm bells would have been ringing -how do you have a prenup if you are not married BTW?
If he is so keen on keeping his own money, and not getting married (which provides some protection) perhaps you should have thought better having 3 children with him.

Itsabummer · 22/07/2025 23:30

I’ve nothing to say or add except solicitor as soon as possible.
I could weep how this man has taken advantage of the OPs naivety regarding finances. This may not be violent or verbal abuse, but abuse it is.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 22/07/2025 23:32

Itsabummer · 22/07/2025 23:30

I’ve nothing to say or add except solicitor as soon as possible.
I could weep how this man has taken advantage of the OPs naivety regarding finances. This may not be violent or verbal abuse, but abuse it is.

See a solicitor for what purpose?

Itsabummer · 22/07/2025 23:37

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 22/07/2025 23:32

See a solicitor for what purpose?

Show quote history

To get professional, impartial, unemotional and correct legal advice rather than rely on strangers (like you and me) on mumsnet.