Ex signed son up to play for football

[Heyheyhey888]

I’ve got three children with ex partner . My son is a really good football player and has gotten into to playing for the county . He already does football and rugby etc ( as well as my other children so we have a busy schedule of constant training , games , work etc ) among this I also have a baby ( baby’s dad works away so I’m home all week days alone ) anyway HE has signed him up and he’s got though .. I’m so proud of him BUT it now turns out that training is the one day in the week I have the three children ( we share half and half )so I’m expected to take a baby , a 6 year old to training every week that’s half hour away from 8-9pm !! So won’t be home until half 9 ! I have no family to help ( he has lots ) not only this all the games are at least 4-5 hours away ! And I don’t like driving , then there’s the cost , I just can’t afford to do this as I’ll have to stay in hotels etc but not only that I’ll probably have to take the baby sometimes . I know it’s in the interest of my son but I just can’t logically see how I can do it but I feel like he will make out I’m a bad mother if I don’t . This was him signing him up in the first place . Am I being unreasonable and unfair to say no ? I already help him by taking kids to school on his set days and I’m just exhausted with all the other games and things they play every week as it is

It may not be impossible but it's one of those situations where you really have to question whether the sacrifices are worth it.

If the ex feels that they are, maybe he should look into changing jobs to facilitate his son's training.

Well the dad said he can't but he obviously can. You just choose to disbelieve the mum because she should put herself out infinitely for others.

Lol. No it can't. For goodness sake.

Actually yes it can.
if someone reported OP for having children out that late , on a constant basis, it would have to be investigated.
It is actually listed as a cause for investigation.

That is absolute bollocks. You can't possibly beleive that to be true! Nobody is being investigated for taking their kids to football practice at 8pm once a week. Whether or not it's a great idea is a different matter, but it most certainly is not a safeguarding issue. What is wrong with you?

There’s a difference between children being out late on a constant basis, and children going along to their brothers football practice once a week.

They’re hardly roaming the streets alone until 4am every night in the middle of winter.

One who was twisting herself into knots and sending crying emojis constantly over this? Yes, yes I would. It is utterly ridiculous and I’d tell her she was being ridiculous.

As a football mum of 13 seasons I would say talk to your child and see what he wants to do. My son lives and breathes football and still at 17 still pushing to get as far as he can. I gave him every opportunity I possibly could but had to draw the line sometimes. For a couple of seasons football was 6 days a week and my other son had basketball 3 days a week. I was a single mum driving 100 mile plus some days. If your son really wants to play football get your ex to take him if you can't make it work as he signed him up. In my opinion, there is no point committing without going forward. Your ex should be committed to taking him.

she has three kids. the footballer, a six year old daughter and the baby. Footballer age not known

The logistics solution I've not seen mentioned: can your son travel there independently for 8pm and someone go to college him at 9pm? Or can you find another family on the team and share the work - one drops off, the other collects?

One hour = not long enough to leave and come back but I guess more than an hour is too long for training.

I thought she said the footballer is 12.

Are you an old school ma’am?? You sound very authoritarian and quite frankly, as rude as hell. Mumsnet is obviously NOT the place to come for sensible and thoughtful advice.

OP I would start by checking exactly what your son is being offered. Parents cannot sign their children up for district or county trials. For district they have to be nominated by their PE teacher, and for county it’s either their PE teacher or district coach. For most counties the youngest age group is U14, although a few do have U13 teams.

If it is district or county football ( not an exhibition team for example) and your son is serious about football, I really would do everything possible to let him take the opportunity. It’s a big deal for him and will help his football development and confidence. It doesn’t matter a jot whether or not he plays professionally/ semi- professionally/ in a pub team / never again when he’s older, the experience and skills he gets now will be beneficial and if he’s prepared to put in the work he deserves the opportunity.

District / County teams tend to be very competitive so you might find he won’t be selected for every match anyway. Other parents will generally be happy to lift share for training if they are going in your direction.

Sport offers so many benefits and if children want to progress they shouldn’t be limited by logistics imo.

Totally unreasonable to expect you to be out until after 9pm with a baby aswell.
Tell him straight he signed him up he takes him end of xx

Not the only one. I did it and lots of fellow parents did. No dramatics, no screaming babies or freezing cold 6 year olds because of a clubhouse and nearby pubs and cafes.

Ignore the poster. People come on here for a reason. Could you say to your son he will have to give something up if he wants to attend this new thing. Also tell your ex he cannot decide anything that is one of your nights is he doing this on purpose to fuck you around? I’m sure you’re son will understand that this situation hasn’t been communicated properly and op you are not to blame here it’s on your ex so if he can’t change his plans for his own kid why should he expect you to. Say something before you get burnt out and not able to do anything for your kids. Another selfish dad strikes again.

How nice for uou. I was too tired to even drive the distance safely.

Not so nice for you. And your child who missed out.

So he signed him up to something he will have absolutely no involvement in? Cheeky fucker! If you are at all willing to do it, just tell your son that he has to choose one club to cancel - let him decide which one. But ONLY if this is what you want otherwise just say you can't juggle it and leave it at that.

Then he needs to negotiate changing his work schedule to accommodate.

If you were doing paid work would
he expect you to change your work schedule?

Keeping a 6 year old and baby out until 9.30pm once a week is an issue, disrupting his daughter’s already scheduled dance lessons for a new football timetable is a problem. He caused the issue so he needs to sort it out. If he can’t change his work schedule he needs to arrange cover - rope in his family to help out if needed. Whatever the solution it is his issue to sort out - just because it happened to land on ‘your day’ doesn’t mean it is solely your issue.

It is not ‘good parenting’ to sacrifice the wellbeing of 2 other children for the wants of 1. Succeeding in football is rare - yes the son sounds like he is doing well but it is highly unlikely they will pursue a professional football career. Sleep is very important for children to be able to learn and a 6 year old cannot sleep if they are having to sit in a clubhouse/pub/on the side of a pitch/in a car one night a week when they have school the next day.

’Sacrificing’ 😂So ridiculously dramatic. Never heard of a CLUBHOUSE?

Would you sleep well in a clubhouse? Then have to travel home and transfer to bed? A good sleep schedule is very important for children’s development, you can drag children around when they are meant to be asleep, but good luck keeping your sanity when you have an overtired 6 year old the next day on weekly repeat.

Honestly? I think you need to suck it up. Take the kid to practice… sooooo you have a baby and six year old to tag along. That’s very normal where I live. Heavens, I had 7 kids at once, 4 stepkids, a 3 year old and infant twins — and I took all of them to activities, by myself, continuing for many, many years. Get organized. Carpool to those games. It can be done. You’ll live doing practices once a week. Figure out how to make it work or switch custody days with the ex. It isn’t your kid’s fault you two divorced. Don’t make him suffer for it.

He didn’t die in a car crash though so that’s a win. He also wouldn’t have had much of a footy career if he had…