Page 8 | Ex signed son up to play for football

Heyheyhey888 · 2025-07-20T23:57:26+00:00

I’ve got three children with ex partner . My son is a really good football player and has gotten into to playing for the county . He already does football and rugby etc ( as well as my other children so we have a busy schedule of constant training , games , work etc ) among this I also have a baby ( baby’s dad works away so I’m home all week days alone ) anyway HE has signed him up and he’s got though .. I’m so proud of him BUT it now turns out that training is the one day in the week I have the three children ( we share half and half )so I’m expected to take a baby , a 6 year old to training every week that’s half hour away from 8-9pm !! So won’t be home until half 9 ! I have no family to help ( he has lots ) not only this all the games are at least 4-5 hours away ! And I don’t like driving , then there’s the cost , I just can’t afford to do this as I’ll have to stay in hotels etc but not only that I’ll probably have to take the baby sometimes . I know it’s in the interest of my son but I just can’t logically see how I can do it but I feel like he will make out I’m a bad mother if I don’t . This was him signing him up in the first place . Am I being unreasonable and unfair to say no ? I already help him by taking kids to school on his set days and I’m just exhausted with all the other games and things they play every week as it is

pinkdelight · 21/07/2025 13:56

sweeneytoddsrazor · 21/07/2025 13:47

Funny how that happens, and will continue to happen as the next generation of boys gets shown their needs come above everyone else's instead of having to compromise like we do.

Nothing to do with him being a boy. It is a major opportunity. Exactly the same would apply if he were a girl

You're missing my broader point, but anyway, I long for the day when this problem arises because the dad's signed the DD up to play for the county and everyone's running around to facilitate that come what may, but funnily enough this example where the two adult guys facilitate fuck all except extra hassle and it's all on the mum and younger siblings to suck it up so the DS lives his dreams feels more standard.

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 14:00

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 13:55

The OP might not be at work but she cannot drag a 6yo out to his brother's football training until 9pm on a school night on a weekly basis. It is just not a reasonable ask.

If the ex pays for a babysitter for the 6yo and baby, maybe. I am in no way a stickler for early bedtimes and my own children stay up later than most, but getting back at 9.30pm when the kids have school the next day is ridiculous. The 6yo needs sleep, the older one only wants to do this. Unfortunately, in family hierarchies "needs" come before "wants". Any solution cannot involve the younger child being dragged from pillar to post. I don't mention the baby as babies can be portable, but soon that baby will be a toddler and toddlers aren't.

My kids did this, to me it's not a massive deal one night per week. My kids aren't set on having a bath every night and lying down with them or anything. It's not the end of the world dinner etc before you go..snack in tha car pyjamas on straight to bed/ transfer to bed . This is a big opportunity for the child, people are acting like the ex did it out of spite. The training night changed. I wouldn't want my child to be deprived of a big opportunity because we all refused to think outside the box. Where is the other dad? Could he change schedules for work? Could one do a drop and a pick up? Could a babysitter be used? There are options if people want to make it work. If her son is planning on playing to a high level then it takes commitment and flexibility from everyone

pinkdelight · 21/07/2025 14:01

Digdongdoo · 21/07/2025 13:53

Well yeah. The men are at work at that time and OP isn't. That isn't misogyny. It's just scheduling.
I wouldn't have had a 4th with a man who isn't around for exactly this reason, but there you go.

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Let's not pretend that men working and women looking after children is some quirk of scheduling specific to this case. But I agree with your final point, and that's why DS1 doesn't get to do what he wants - when you have more DC, there are compromises.

Digdongdoo · 21/07/2025 14:02

pinkdelight · 21/07/2025 14:01

Let's not pretend that men working and women looking after children is some quirk of scheduling specific to this case. But I agree with your final point, and that's why DS1 doesn't get to do what he wants - when you have more DC, there are compromises.

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It's not compromise though is it? It's just unfair. The younger ones can tag along once a week. They'll be fine.

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 14:05

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 14:00

My kids did this, to me it's not a massive deal one night per week. My kids aren't set on having a bath every night and lying down with them or anything. It's not the end of the world dinner etc before you go..snack in tha car pyjamas on straight to bed/ transfer to bed . This is a big opportunity for the child, people are acting like the ex did it out of spite. The training night changed. I wouldn't want my child to be deprived of a big opportunity because we all refused to think outside the box. Where is the other dad? Could he change schedules for work? Could one do a drop and a pick up? Could a babysitter be used? There are options if people want to make it work. If her son is planning on playing to a high level then it takes commitment and flexibility from everyone

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There are options. For example - the ex can pay for someone to take his son, or offer to pay for a babysitter for the other children.
Why doesn't the ex have a chat to the parents of some of the other kids attending and see if anyone could give his kids a lift for some cash?

Lots of ways that the ex can try to make this work. Since it's his scheduling problem.

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 14:07

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 14:05

There are options. For example - the ex can pay for someone to take his son, or offer to pay for a babysitter for the other children.
Why doesn't the ex have a chat to the parents of some of the other kids attending and see if anyone could give his kids a lift for some cash?

Lots of ways that the ex can try to make this work. Since it's his scheduling problem.

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Did you even read my post? I literally said they all need to think outside the box to come with a solution. They ALL should because it will benefit their son. It's not tit for tat

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 14:32

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 14:07

Did you even read my post? I literally said they all need to think outside the box to come with a solution. They ALL should because it will benefit their son. It's not tit for tat

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Why? It's the ex who planned the activity. He needs to try to sort this in the first instance, not just unload it onto his ex.

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 14:35

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 14:32

Why? It's the ex who planned the activity. He needs to try to sort this in the first instance, not just unload it onto his ex.

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For God's sake. He did arrange it.they changed the night of the training it was on his night originally. So thought there would be no issue. It's unfortunate the club changed the night. He didn't do it to piss off his ex.

JollyLilacBee · 21/07/2025 14:36

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 14:32

Why? It's the ex who planned the activity. He needs to try to sort this in the first instance, not just unload it onto his ex.

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It isn’t a planned activity though, he’s been scouted for his county team. I could never deny my son the opportunity to do something like that, the other kids would just have to compromise, it’s one night per week…

99bottlesofkombucha · 21/07/2025 14:36

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 14:00

My kids did this, to me it's not a massive deal one night per week. My kids aren't set on having a bath every night and lying down with them or anything. It's not the end of the world dinner etc before you go..snack in tha car pyjamas on straight to bed/ transfer to bed . This is a big opportunity for the child, people are acting like the ex did it out of spite. The training night changed. I wouldn't want my child to be deprived of a big opportunity because we all refused to think outside the box. Where is the other dad? Could he change schedules for work? Could one do a drop and a pick up? Could a babysitter be used? There are options if people want to make it work. If her son is planning on playing to a high level then it takes commitment and flexibility from everyone

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did you get to the other kids dad should flex his work and step in to help BEFORE you considered the actual boys dad should flex his work and take him?? Yes you did…
i think the op should immediately stop doing the school run for the dad on the dads days and say she will resume if he does the training. Otherwise if he wants his days (and not to pay his ex to have their child more days) he has to find a solution to get them to school, like every other parent. Hes been a very facilitated single dad.

SpinachSpinachMoreSpinach · 21/07/2025 14:36

Heyheyhey888 · 21/07/2025 08:31

The training was originally meant to be on his day but it’s been moved to my day 🤦‍♀️😭

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My issue is the Ex works late on this particular day so he can’t do it anyway !!

His working late that day is HIS issue. He will have to rearrange his working hours to accommodate his son’s training.

In your shoes I would take a huge step back.

99bottlesofkombucha · 21/07/2025 14:38

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 14:07

Did you even read my post? I literally said they all need to think outside the box to come with a solution. They ALL should because it will benefit their son. It's not tit for tat

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It’s not tit for tat, she’s already feeling flexed to the max doing the run around for their son on his dad’s days. It’s a maxxed out woman saying I can’t. It’s 100% up to dad to step up here if he wants this for his son, women can’t give and give and then when they’ve got nothing left give some more.

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 14:39

99bottlesofkombucha · 21/07/2025 14:36

did you get to the other kids dad should flex his work and step in to help BEFORE you considered the actual boys dad should flex his work and take him?? Yes you did…
i think the op should immediately stop doing the school run for the dad on the dads days and say she will resume if he does the training. Otherwise if he wants his days (and not to pay his ex to have their child more days) he has to find a solution to get them to school, like every other parent. Hes been a very facilitated single dad.

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Nope, those are just some example of some options that all of the adults could potentially discuss to give this boy an opportunity that I am sure he would love to do amd obviously has the talent for. Not in any way ordered (if that's ok by you?)
All of the adults need to find a solution.
Personally. I would just do it I don't even see the big deal but obviously op does.

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 14:41

Personally. I would just do it I don't even see the big deal but obviously op does.

If you can't see the issue with dragging an overtired 6yo and a screaming baby to stand at the side of a freezing cold pitch for an hour late on a school night, then you must be the only one.

Namechangerage · 21/07/2025 14:42

Well your ex has to change his late working day if he wants your son to go. You can’t drag a 6 year old and baby out, end of.

Namechangerage · 21/07/2025 14:43

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 14:41

Personally. I would just do it I don't even see the big deal but obviously op does.

If you can't see the issue with dragging an overtired 6yo and a screaming baby to stand at the side of a freezing cold pitch for an hour late on a school night, then you must be the only one.

Right? Would some people seriously drag a baby and 6 year old to stand at a football pitch after 8pm 🤣

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 14:45

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 14:41

Personally. I would just do it I don't even see the big deal but obviously op does.

If you can't see the issue with dragging an overtired 6yo and a screaming baby to stand at the side of a freezing cold pitch for an hour late on a school night, then you must be the only one.

I already said up thread. My husband worked shifts and I had big age gaps. Yes I did do it. No need to stand at the side a pitch.. you will see from other posts I'm not the only one who thinks the same.
I also suggested that they they pay a local 16 year old to babysit six year old. Like I say I personally would just do it. Op doesn't want to so all of the adults should try their hardest to think of a solution.. changing work hours if possible, asking for help, paying for help, a car pool etc etc etc

Bollindger · 21/07/2025 14:56

Why are people trying to shame the OP?
Dragging a baby a primary and possible a 3rd child just so one child can do an event that is 30 mins from home is wrong, that is after 10 to put the children to bed? How on earth can anyone justify that?
The step dad works away from home.
So if matches are 4 hours each way plus the match that is 10 hours , to yet again drag young children around, to sit in the cold… wake up people.
Hand it all back to the Dad.

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 15:00

Bollindger · 21/07/2025 14:56

Why are people trying to shame the OP?
Dragging a baby a primary and possible a 3rd child just so one child can do an event that is 30 mins from home is wrong, that is after 10 to put the children to bed? How on earth can anyone justify that?
The step dad works away from home.
So if matches are 4 hours each way plus the match that is 10 hours , to yet again drag young children around, to sit in the cold… wake up people.
Hand it all back to the Dad.

Absolutely. It's not a reasonable ask. The impact on the OP and the other children is just too much. What about when the 6yo has school parties and stuff that clash with the matches? Is 6yo just supposed to suck up that older brother's training is more important? I bet the 12yo got to go to his friends' parties at the weekend in primary school.

When you have multiple children, you have to balance their needs fairly.

Redruby2020 · 21/07/2025 15:03

Ex booked it, without checking with you first. He can take your son! The cheek of some of these men i can’t believe it. You have enough to deal with already.

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 15:04

Namechangerage · 21/07/2025 14:43

Right? Would some people seriously drag a baby and 6 year old to stand at a football pitch after 8pm 🤣

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The baby will become a boisterous, active toddler all too soon and then the whole thing will be a complete nightmare. Toddler will be overtired, unmanageable and probably keep trying to run onto the pitch and disrupt training.

pinkdelight · 21/07/2025 15:05

Digdongdoo · 21/07/2025 14:02

It's not compromise though is it? It's just unfair. The younger ones can tag along once a week. They'll be fine.

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Well, you know what they say about life's unfair... But unfair on him or unfair on everyone else. That's the compromise. You favour him, I favour the majority. Besides, she said it's impossible so it's not a matter of them tagging along and being fine, any more than it's a matter of the dad changing his work shift and being fine.

Digdongdoo · 21/07/2025 15:05

pinkdelight · 21/07/2025 15:05

Well, you know what they say about life's unfair... But unfair on him or unfair on everyone else. That's the compromise. You favour him, I favour the majority. Besides, she said it's impossible so it's not a matter of them tagging along and being fine, any more than it's a matter of the dad changing his work shift and being fine.

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It's not impossible. She may have used that word, but it obviously isn't.

Bollindger · 21/07/2025 15:10

Diddongdoo, you do know that it could be classed as child abuse to have young children out so late?
let alone how dangerous it is for a newborns to be in a car seat for 4 hours plus the cost and depriving the family of weekends regardless of which parent is having the children.

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 15:13

Bollindger · 21/07/2025 15:10

Diddongdoo, you do know that it could be classed as child abuse to have young children out so late?
let alone how dangerous it is for a newborns to be in a car seat for 4 hours plus the cost and depriving the family of weekends regardless of which parent is having the children.

🤣🤣🤣

Is that a joke? It has to be a joke?