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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fiance slept with a prostitute

630 replies

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 13:02

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 20/07/2025 13:46

This man should already be an Ex Fiance.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 20/07/2025 13:46

He’s treating you like an idiot.

ARE you an idiot?

MissMoneyFairy · 20/07/2025 13:47

He sure remembers a lot considering he was paralytic drunk, where did he go after he walked out, has he bothered getting an sti check.

Sharptonguedwoman · 20/07/2025 13:47

Two quick thoughts, sorry if already said.
has he confessed because his friend will tell her so he’s got in first?
Sexual health clinic check up .

shuggles · 20/07/2025 13:48

@Adviceneededrewedding He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

So he didn't sleep with a prostitute. Sleeping with a prostitute would be very uncommon as that would be overnight.

He had sex with a prostitute for 30 seconds, then left because he felt unhappy about what he was doing.

You would have more to be concerned about if he had no issues with what he had done, and if he had no issues with it, he would not have told you.

Luckyingame · 20/07/2025 13:49

JudgeBread · 20/07/2025 13:08

Oh come the fuck on.

You don't know what to do? You dig your bar up out of hell and raise it over your head.

And get an STD test. I wouldn't believe for a moment this is his first time purchasing a woman's body for his use. The story about accidentally arriving at a brothel and accidentally having sex with the woman for 30 seconds is an absolute crock of shit.

Very good.
I wouldn't stand this POS next to me.

Izz81 · 20/07/2025 13:50

He's confessed probably because there is a lot more to it. Someone saw him. Someone has threatened to say something….or there wasn't a prostitute at all and it was a one night stand with another woman and too many saw them together…Who knows? But hes cheated even if his story is somewhat legit, which it absolutely wont be the part about being forced to have sex (wtaf?!?). Im sorry, OP, this sucks. I can only say what I would do and thats he would already be an ex right now, but you do what you feel you need to do and good luck to you, I hope it works out no matter what avenue you choose.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 20/07/2025 13:50

Yeah, he's lying.

Even completely paralytic you couldn't convince me to pay for sex.

Maybe he did need some convincing, but at the end of the day he chose to do it.

BestZebbie · 20/07/2025 13:51

OP, this man has severely disrespected you twice here - once with his behaviour at the brothel and once with his "explanation".

I'm pretty sure he will happily continue to disrespect you to benefit himself in all sorts of ways in the future, given how big a deal cheating and lying are as offences.

Even if he never so much as looks at another woman ever again, do you really want to be the wife he slags off to friends in the pub to make himself look good, or the wife who sticks to the budget you mutually agreed then finds he has bought himself a very expensive gift, or the wife who is waiting for him to come home on time to give her a break from childcare but he is lingering at work as he can't be arsed, or the wife who becomes a marathon widow with no prior discussion, or the wife......etc etc (please see the rest of Mumsnet for further examples).

Richiewoo · 20/07/2025 13:51

He made a decision to sleep with a sex worker. You've got a down watered version of what happened. Leave him.

HunnyPot · 20/07/2025 13:52

Doesn’t sound like he was in the position to consent. Did she still take hisses money.

He needs to talk to someone about the assault.

Flowers
Thulpelly · 20/07/2025 13:52

OP. This is not a good man.

Thulpelly · 20/07/2025 13:52

HunnyPot · 20/07/2025 13:52

Doesn’t sound like he was in the position to consent. Did she still take hisses money.

He needs to talk to someone about the assault.

Flowers

Hilarious.

MarySueSaidBoo · 20/07/2025 13:53

OP, you know he's lying to you. Next will be the "I tripped over and my penis got stuck in her vagina" line. Come on. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck.... it's a fucking duck.

You've got yourself a cheat. And thankfully you found this out before making a life long commitment to him.

ItsameLuigi · 20/07/2025 13:53

I'm just confused why the title doesn't say ex, not fiance.

Bagseverywhere · 20/07/2025 13:53

I had a friend who married someone like this. I think there will be other lies. It isn't just that he's capable of this, it's the people he hangs out with. Sleazy immoral people.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 20/07/2025 13:55

Blaming everyone and everything and taking absolutely no responsibility for his stupid drunken actions makes him a dick - and an ex fiance.

Mrsbloggz · 20/07/2025 13:55

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 20/07/2025 13:50

Yeah, he's lying.

Even completely paralytic you couldn't convince me to pay for sex.

Maybe he did need some convincing, but at the end of the day he chose to do it.

I would also never pay for sex, but that's because I'm a woman and we don't need to!

Libby567 · 20/07/2025 13:55

Big big leap between arriving at a brothel, to wearing a condom and having sex. Run, OP, as fast as you can.

dimsiaradcymraeg · 20/07/2025 13:55

You are better than this.

  • He’s spent two weeks pulling his story together
  • He’s remembered some parts very clearly and other not so much
  • He wasn’t forced into it, unless he expects you to believe he was almost kidnapped, and then sexually assaulted by the prostitue? In which case, maybe the needs to report to the police?!
  • His seems to be blaming his friend so I would imagine he’s furious with him and never wishes to speak to him again?

Do not let this pathetic man be your future. Do better.

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/07/2025 13:56

I don't believe men have sex accidentally. Don't marry him.

Libby567 · 20/07/2025 13:57

Yes, and the company he keeps tells you everything. My ex husband’s friends were awful - cheaters and serial dumpers of lovely women. My husband pretended to be above it all to me - he was simply better at hiding it, until he wasn’t.

FighterPilotSwifts · 20/07/2025 13:57

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 13:02

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

He had so many chances to walk away from this...
Who in there right mind goes to meet a business lead when they're really drunk??
Could have walked away when he noticed the bed and girls.
Could have walked away when his friend started negotiating prices.
Could have walked away when they started to try to convince him it was normal, but he didn't even though he has strong morals and family values.
Could have stopped the woman pulling his trousers down.
Could have stopped her putting a condom on him.
Could have not had sex with her!

Ignore his words and tears, they don't mean anything, he's just feeling guilty or is about to get found out.
Look at his actions

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 20/07/2025 13:57

chatgptsbestmate · 20/07/2025 13:15

It seems to me very unlikely that what he is saying is true. I mean.....its not even believable

So.....let's pretend that what he is saying IS true. He was coerced and controlled into having sex with a sex worker for 30 seconds and couldn't walk away because he was forced into this situation

We're believing this , right? Then it's rape. He was raped. He should immediately go to the police and report it

Thankfully he managed to escape from the rape situation and ran away after 30 seconds. Phew!

I mean.....its just not true is it? I'm not a rape deny-er but I'll bet a LOT that he wasn't coerced and he's shitting himself because for some reason he thinks you might find out so he's cobbled together some stupid bollox.

He's not smart, is he?

Agree. If its really true then he is a completely spineless walkover who will be unable to ever stand up to anyone for his future family when it matters...

If what he's saying is true the friend could use their influence to persuade him to constantly go out getting drunk, take drugs, or rob someone.

If what he is saying is true, he's a weak pathetic character and by now you should have seen evidence of this?

I'd be thinking about the following,
Does he stand up for you in general? Does his family treat you with respect? Does he strike you as a weak character? How does this episode compare to what you've observed about him in other areas of his life in general?
What was his previous relationship history?
Is he very young and easily influenced in general?

If his story is true, he will be unable to say no to any woman who comes on to him ( as they will clearly be queuing up and he will try to fight them off) . If he's tempted now.. what will he be like five years down the line with a few kids in tow?

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 20/07/2025 13:57

You believe what he has told you and you say you don't know what to do.

Stay with him. If you don't you will only end up with another one exactly like him.

Or stay single and get therapy. Go deep and really explore the reasons why you 'don't know what to do'.