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Original poster

Fiance slept with a prostitute

630 replies

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 13:02

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

OP posts:
BUMCHEESE · 20/07/2025 13:23

Have you ever been so drunk you "accidentally" had sex with someone while engaged to someone else, OP?

I doubt it because it's not a thing.

He went along with it willingly, at very best. If he was so pissed he didn't know what was going on he wouldn't have had an erection.

Robinredd · 20/07/2025 13:23

Years ago I'd have been be naive enough to fall for that story because it would be what I wanted to hear, but life has hardened me and now I agree with the others on here - don't marry him.

Don't let your beautiful wedding day be marred by this type of shit.

A similar thing happened to me when I was married for 10 years and had children. My DH was exactly like you describe your man. Our marriage up until that point I'd have described to as close to pefect as you could get. I stayed for another year but things were never the same and of course it all came out in the end, the full story. He'd never been faithful a day since we met. Not properly.

Don't marry him.

I feel so bad for you right now and I understand why you believe him but it'll happen again when the sleepless nights or the doldrums set in.

Poodlelove · 20/07/2025 13:23

How did he get an erection then ? 30 seconds, I don't believe it.

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 13:24

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 13:02

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

Op he would have walked out the door when he realised it was a brothel ....
He didn’t ….
Up to you now what you are going to do with that ..

yellowdress34 · 20/07/2025 13:25

He sounds like a contemptible wimp.

grumpygrape · 20/07/2025 13:25

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 20/07/2025 13:09

Oh come on. He ran out crying? Please.

He's cheated on you AND he treats you like you're a complete idiot.

and it took a couple of weeks to tell you.....

zeibesaffron · 20/07/2025 13:25

They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out

I don’t believe a word he has told you - he’s freaking out yet still goes ahead with the payment! Then they have sex???

He could have used his ‘words’ and said ‘no’ quite simple really.

Please don’t marry this man in 6 months, even if you feel you can forgive this you will need time to process and recover. You really need to think though whether you believe he won’t do this again and you will need to trust that because you forgave him once he won’t see that as a green light to carry on.

Please also get tested and spend time thinking this through. I do agree with many other responses that I could not get past this.

HRTQueen · 20/07/2025 13:25

I understand you are in shock and feeling hurt and feeling scared about life without him

but when someone tells you who they are listen to them

he is a man that buys sex

the circumstances around how it happened (and in time you will see this is a crock of shit and he is trying to make out he was innocent and led astray) is irrelevant

do you want to marry a man who cheats on you and buys sex? I sincerely hope not and I believe you and people who love uou want better for you too

Robin67 · 20/07/2025 13:26

I would not marry him

I would push for the name of the friend and the location of the brothel. Both would be reported to the police.

Blackoutbeans · 20/07/2025 13:26

Morals don't just go out the window when drunk. He put his penis in another woman = he cheated. Let alone a prostitute, putting your health in danger.

If you are forgiving and marrying this man you are just asking for it. Also, what completely plastered man can get an erection so easily without no foreplay no desire no nothing?

Pinkflower100 · 20/07/2025 13:26

Love the way he says he came close to nearly cheating. He did cheat. He had sex for 30 seconds. (Although I doubt it was only 30 seconds!)

Greendress22 · 20/07/2025 13:27

bumblecoach · 20/07/2025 13:23

I would have less issue with him getting drunk and sleeping with a prostitute then I would even quietly booking one on a Tuesday afternoon on his lunch break which is what the psychotic ones do

The bloke that lives downstairs from my Mum does that! She felt he was such a lovely guy and he has a girlfriend but then gets the sex workers over for lunch time delight! Grim!

Zanatdy · 20/07/2025 13:27

Sorry this has happened to you, but I would not be buying that ridiculous story.

krustykittens · 20/07/2025 13:27

My DH had a sleazy ex-friend who tried to get him to go to a strip club. He knew exactly what to do - he walked away. You fiance is lying. He claims he didn't know what to do? Bullshit. He knows what YOU would have wanted him to do. But given the choice he did what HE wanted to do. A grown man who has his own mind doesn't get persuaded into something he thinks is wrong so easily. He might be feeling a bit of regret now, but he was happy enough to go along with things when he was in the situation. Certainly didn't seem to have a problem getting it up!

ThisCantBeRightCanIt · 20/07/2025 13:28

This poor man... a big mean friend tricked him into having sex with a prostitute...

Come on op, get rid. You've had a lucky escape knowing before you got married

IKeepMyToasterInTheCupboard · 20/07/2025 13:29

A couple of weeks is about right for him to have realised he's got an STI.

How on earth can you marry him - it'll be all you - and indeed, half of the guests - are thinking about during the ceremony.

PinkyFlamingo · 20/07/2025 13:29

Cheating is a choice, not a mistake. You would be a complete mug to forgive him.

Charlize43 · 20/07/2025 13:30

This doesn't bode well. I wouldn't be considering marrying this man, after this big red flag.

Nina1013 · 20/07/2025 13:32

Something has happened which means there’s a chance you’re going to find out, so he’s got in there first with this bizarre half story.

Of course it didn’t happen the way he says it, don’t be so naive. You know that deep down, but he’s been very, very clever and manipulative in that he’s presented you the most palatable story possible, while also telling you what he thinks you’re going to discover anyway, in the hope that you’ll believe it because an easier to swallow story is what you want to believe to protect yourself from the worst of the pain.

SociableAtWork · 20/07/2025 13:33

@AdviceneededreweddingFor your own sanity, health and well-being please END THINGS.

Don’t let fear of being single and what the future will look like stop you from ending this ‘relationship’.

We all know how hard it will be to face the truth, but cancelling the wedding, losing your deposits, having to tell people etc etc. will be A LOT easier than being married to this man. He has shown you who he is and if you stay with him you’ll doubt him every single time he goes out. The trust is broken; he isn’t who you thought he was. Staying with him will erode your self-esteem and confidence.

Please take the advice on this thread and walk away now. There are plenty of good men out there and, if you want to, you will meet someone better in the future.

You’ll grieve the future you thought you two were building but that will be a hell of a lot easier than being married to who this person is - he’s as much as a stranger to you now, and not who you thought he was. If he’d told you on an early date/your first date, that he’d done this to a previous girlfriend would you have carried on seeing him, because that is who he is.

SmashingCupOfChar · 20/07/2025 13:33

Gross! Do not marry him and do not have babies with this pathetic little creep! It might (or might not) be the first time he has paid for sex but you can bet your bottom dollar that it won’t be the last! He has crossed a line and only a sad, desperate fool would marry him. Plenty more fish in the sea, you can do better.

His type and his work friend have no respect for women. They do this behind your back and are laughing at you for believing their bullshit stories. Do you really want to be around that for the rest of your life. He confessed and “Broke down crying”. Pathetic!

MorningLarkEchoes · 20/07/2025 13:34

If he’s asked you to be his wife and then sneaks off and sleeps around with a prostitute then he will do it again. Guaranteed - especially if he thinks he can get away with it. This is the occasion you found out. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’s done it before. There’s a certain type of man who pays women for sex. Save yourself a marriage of unhappiness OP and find a man who is worthy of you.

DoYouReally · 20/07/2025 13:34

I'm sorry but this man is either thick as a brick or thinks you are......his story doesn't add up in the slightest.

If this is the best story/explanation he can come up with, the man is seriously deficient.

Don't marry this eejit. He's a liar.

caringcarer · 20/07/2025 13:34

swiveleyedtransphobe · 20/07/2025 13:03

do NOT marry this man🙄

This. If he cheats before you are married he'll always cheat.

Isittimeformynapyet · 20/07/2025 13:35

what completely plastered man can get an erection so easily without no foreplay

This is inaccurate @Blackoutbeans. He claims there wasn't any foreplay!