Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

I’m truly sorry this awful man has done this to you and then lied and made you feel this way. I hope you take strength from these replies OP. The cold hard truth is…

Absolutely nothing about his story rings true. You don’t meet business leads while paralytic. You don’t accidentally have sex. He didn’t nearly cheat. He knew he was going to a brothel. He knew he was cheating, he knew he was engaging in sex behind your back with a prostituted (and likely trafficked) woman. He knew he was buying consent which does not equal true consent. If it only lasted 30 seconds (which I doubt) it’s because he was so excited to be committing this vile act that he only lastest 30 seconds. He didn’t run out crying. And I am pretty sure he only told you because he’s been found out by someone else - another work colleague or their partner or he paid in a way you will see.

Please do not be naive enough to believe this catalogue of lies. LTB now and please do not marry him.

The only person I know in real life that has slept with a prostitute is also “deeply moral” which does make me wonder if that’s just the guise that men like this put on.

If his story is true he should go to the police. I suspect it isn’t in which case you need to end the relationship, OP. I don’t think he was tricked into sleeping with a prostitute.

It's not just the prostitute I'd be worried about. It's the friends he's choosing to hang out with, the fact he was so drunk he was totally out of control.

My exH aleays made poor friendship choices and it led to him thinking certain things were ok because his mates did it too 🤔...It was not ok.

It reminds me of A&E stories that start with, “Honest doc, I was en route to my usual front pew at church, sober as a judge, when I slipped and fell on a cucumber my friend happened to place on the floor seconds before,” then finish with, “and it got totally rammed up my backside.”

OP, he’s confessed to you because someone else was going to tell you. He got there first. Better for you that you heard it from him and convenient for him to get his questionable ‘version of events’ out there first.

He’s shown you his standards and who he is: The drunk asshole who ends up in a brothel and takes NO responsibility for his actions (“It’s my mate’s fault! Poor little me. I was just there with a hard dick doing NOTHING!”). There’s something terribly unattractive about a man who apportions blame (and visits brothels).

You’ve got some thinking to do and decisions to make. And it’s not my place- some stranger on the internet- to tell you how to live your life but… I’ll just gently remind you that the hills are >>>>>>>> thataway. 💐 Strength and courage. This is tough for you.

Yeah ….no. You can’t put a condom on a flaccid penis and you can’t insert a penis into someone unless it’s hard.

He’s 100% minimising what happened. It’d be a “no” from me.

Sorry you are going through this - he’s a dick.

Dump him and then make an appointment to get checked at a GU clinic, goodness only knows what risk he’s been exposed to.

Who paid? The generous, conniving colleague or Mr I-was-so-shocked-I-couldn't-even-undo-my-own-trousers? Does he plan to report this assault to the police and probably work (as colleague has got him drunk and aided an assault)?

It's pathetic that he tried to minimise it, like he was forced into it.

The silly bastard. The whole speil about his colleague telling him he was going to meet a business contact. How he was 'confused' when it was a fucking whore house?!

He's a lying twat and of course you should dump him. And get tested.

I wouldn't go near a man who sleeps with prossies with someone else's barge pole.

Has he got a stag do planned? Amsterdam by any chance?

Seriously walk away now, the anxiety and heartache staying with him will bring will far out way some upset and awkward conversations right now.

He can spin it anyway he likes, he’s disgusting. Set yourself free.

Get rid, you deserve better.

"Paralytic"... but remembered all of this info and still managed to get an erection and have sex for "30 secs"🤔

Everyone who cheats "have never cheated before" their first time, too.

Don't marry him.

If he genuinely ended up somewhere he didn’t want to be (unlikely,) he could have just walked out.

This, sadly. There is always more.

For a start, he would have had to pay up front. Is he saying he got out his wallet, counted out the money, allowed her to undress him, put a condom on his convenient erection and accidentally had sex but then thought 'oh no, my fiancee won't approve.' ?

I'm sorry but I doubt it.

I highly doubt he was that reluctant, sorry.

Like everyone has already said do not marry this man. Sounds like he wants to tell you first before anyone else will. Good luck OP.

He’s shown you what a weak specimen of a man he is.

Drinking to excess is a repulsive trait and a gateway to excusing himself in future for more misdemeanours! ‘I drank so much I suddenly found my cock in a girls mouth but you know I would never do that, it’s the drink that made me do it!’

‘Broke down crying’ - yuck! What a pathetic wet wipe! He did this to manipulate you into feeling sorry for him so that he can play the victim and blame it on the booze and his friend setting him up.

He is a disgusting, weak willed sorry excuse for a man and if you don’t break off the relationship, then more fool you because the way that lies ahead is more disgusting behaviour and more misery for you.

You’d be an absolute idiot to even think about forgiving this. Decent men don’t behave like this. Ever. Drunkenness is no excuse.

Throw him away and keep your dignity intact.

Why did he even tell you?

Presumably his lady callers all wear very high heels, fishnet tights, shiny black mini skirts, low cut tops, lots of badly applied makeup, a messy up do and are ostentatiously chewing gum?

This is probably more like what really happened.

He went on a work night out, shagged someone and was seen. He’s now worried someone will tell you and has come up with a bullshit story about a brothel to try and convince you it was a mistake.

Don’t be the idiot who falls for it.

He sounds an idiot and was persauded that it was okay to pay to rape a woman. He seems to have repented of this folly. I'd be having words with work colleague who thinks it's okay to pay to rape someone.
Would reconsider marrying him OP, not only for the folly and, more, the broken faith, but also because he's an easily led idiot with no proper moral compass that doesn't stand up to someond saying 'everyone does it' and 'this is normal'. Though standing up against such ideas is difficult, I know.
But paying to rape is about as low as you can get (because paying to rape a woman is what prostitution is).

Please don’t get married. There is a better life out there for you.

The only part of what he said I would believe is that he slept with this one that night. The rest could well be lies, may well have done it before, is just grim, I'd move on.

I am sorry this has happened, OP, but you know what to do. This man is lying to you. His behaviour is revolting. Get him out of your life.

I just read your DP's account of what happened to my DP. He laughed and said "Uh-huh."