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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fiance slept with a prostitute

630 replies

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 13:02

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

OP posts:
Olika · 20/07/2025 13:58

He seems to remember all the details very well though being completely wasted… just end it. I actually felt disgusted when reading.

PreciousTatas · 20/07/2025 13:58

Cheaters only tell you the bare minimum of what they did, and only if they think you are about to find in some other way.

I hope he is now your ex fiance. Unless you want to be worrying that he has harmed your future unborn baby in the womb because of his STD's.

SallyD00lally · 20/07/2025 13:58

Mrsbloggz · 20/07/2025 13:55

I would also never pay for sex, but that's because I'm a woman and we don't need to!

Show quote history

That would depend on who you want sex with.

Anyway, the OP's Fiancé didn't need to either.

MumWifeOther · 20/07/2025 13:59

95% of his story is bullshit. The only thing that is true is that he had sex with a prositute. Get yourself to the clinic to be tested and DO NOT MARRY HIM.

Luckyingame · 20/07/2025 14:00

I just read the post (bits about him) to my husband (75).
He said "Yep... really?"
Sorry about the situation, but please don't marry him.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 20/07/2025 14:00

Mrsbloggz · 20/07/2025 13:55

I would also never pay for sex, but that's because I'm a woman and we don't need to!

Show quote history

I'm male, and there have been lots of times in my life where I'd quite like a shag but not had anyone willing to.

It's not even crossed my mind to pay for it, even when I've been steaming and others have suggested it.

Summerartwitch · 20/07/2025 14:00

Dump him OP.

He is a cheat and has no respect for women.

He is also a weasel for not taking any responsibility for his actions and suggesting it was all his friend and the prostitutes' fault.

See it as a lucky escape and end the relationship.

Catwalking · 20/07/2025 14:01

You haven’t suggested how long you’ve known DF?
But…. you’ll have to be getting some extra sections added to those prenups if you decide to continue with the relationship.

BonfireToffee · 20/07/2025 14:01

Charabanc · 20/07/2025 13:08

You don't actually believe his version do you, OP? That the mean lady made him have sex with her?

This, this, this. Not only is your fiancé someone who will use women for sex, he’ll pretend he was the victim. Absolutely disgusting, and you deserve infinitely better. So sorry this has happened to you, please get rid of this awful man.

pinkyredrose · 20/07/2025 14:02

Do you really want to marry someone who can be 'persuaded' to cheat on you?

savethatkitty · 20/07/2025 14:02

Sorry OP but I feel you are being naive if you believe this bollocks. I would not marry this man. My guess is this isn't his first time cheating & if you accept this, it won't be his last time.

BestZebbie · 20/07/2025 14:04

Also, if you do still think you might want to marry him - please understand that the rest of your lives is (god willing) going to be a very long time, probably much longer than either of you have currently been alive in total.

I'd suggest that bearing in mind you are both planning on spending all this time together, you could reasonably agree to postpone the wedding by a year (that might not even lose you all the money and you could still keep your dress etc).

In that year he can demonstrate to you that he is the man you hoped to marry instead of the man he has shown himself to be this week, and you can have the time to decide if you can move forward after the initial shock wears off and if you can actually bring yourself to ever have sex with him again.

He will also then understand that this was a really serious issue and had an actual consequence, rather than an awkward conversation and reproachful girlfriend for a week followed by carrying on as normal.

I strongly suspect that if you do that you won't actually get married next year and that you will feel that was the best thing to do, glad you made a lucky escape, rather than either going through with it now then it all immediately falling apart or breaking up now but always feeling regretful.

Toodles89 · 20/07/2025 14:04

I don't even need to read past the first line.

You mean ex-fiance.

Do not throw your life away on this man.

I dont think it's clear how to vote so ignore that.

Bananalanacake · 20/07/2025 14:05

If he was that paralytic how does he remember it so well. And I thought men that pissed can't get it up very quickly, if at all.

EggnogNoggin · 20/07/2025 14:06

In order for me to even remotely entertain his story I'd expect him to make a rape allegation with the police.

Otherwise, into the bin you go.

Orange3344 · 20/07/2025 14:06

I'm so sorry OP. I can only imagine your pain. It's very easy for everyone to say to leave him but you're still in shock. People do make horrific drunken mistakes but I think is is unlikely, but not impossible. Let's assume his version of events is at all believable i.e. he got so out of control he lost all control/rational but was still able to have sex for 30 seconds and make his own way home then he should be recognising he has a drinking (or drugs) problem and seeking help immediately via counselling (individual and couples) and quitting booze/drugs for good. He should be proving you what he's doing to make this right. If all you're getting is apologies then I fear he is not being entirely truthful and I'd recommend counselling for yourself to give you some strength to call off the wedding and move on.

Sending love, it's easy for strangers to say leave the lying b*stard but not easy when it happening to you.

Snowdrop219 · 20/07/2025 14:07

Jeez I never realised Mumsnet was so full of perfect people who have never made a mistake or done anything wrong in their lives. He fucked up, yes it’s disgusting but it’s forgivable. You can work through this op if you love him and you want to. Good luck xx

Isittimeformynapyet · 20/07/2025 14:07

Richiewoo · 20/07/2025 13:51

He made a decision to sleep with a sex worker. You've got a down watered version of what happened. Leave him.

The expression is "watered down."

It's a perfectly good expression and does not need to be modernised.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 20/07/2025 14:08

OP you must be reeling, this will have been a terrible shock for you. Of course you want to give him the benefit of the doubt and try to believe his silly story. You do know what to do, you just can't accept it right now so it's easier to say you don't know what to do. Your plans for your future have basically just been wiped out for you. You know deep down that this is a bullshit story. More than likely he has a STD or someone else is about to tell you what happened. Get yourself an STD test as soon as possible.

Calling off a wedding is not the end of the world. Right now deposits and other people just don't matter. What matters is you doing what's best for yourself. What's best for you is not marrying a lying, cheating man who visits prostitutes. You deserve far better, In the 6 months time it will all have blown over.

Tell him the relationship is over. Tell your family and friends the wedding won't be going ahead and why. It will keep you strong because so many people will try guilt you into going ahead. Start making phone calls Monday, then take time out for yourself to recover. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, don't spend it with a man who would disrespect you so much.

IdaGlossop · 20/07/2025 14:10

Please do not get married to this man. There is a scar on your relationship before you've even reached the altar. I am sorry you have this awful situation to deal with.

CrackSpackle · 20/07/2025 14:10

He was so distraught he got a big honkin' hard-on? Poor lad. Dragged there by a mate, the prostitute pulled his pants down, and despite the fact that he was paralytic he miraculously had an immediate woody ready for a condom . . . . the only question I'd have is why is he suddenly confessing. Sorry you are going through this OP. Make wise decisions Grasshopper 💐

Richiewoo · 20/07/2025 14:10

Isittimeformynapyet · 20/07/2025 14:07

The expression is "watered down."

It's a perfectly good expression and does not need to be modernised.

Show quote history

Get a life weirdo.

hmmimnotsurewhy · 20/07/2025 14:11

I think if you go ahead and marry him then you will unfortunately deserve it when he does it again. You have had the full blown reality of who he is and if you of your own free will, choose him then that will be on you. He will do it again.

Ginmonkeyagain · 20/07/2025 14:11

I mean that story is a massive crock of bullshit isn't it? Clearly they both willingly and deliberately arranged to do this.

What sort of colleagues does he have that this was even an option? The worst thing Mr Monkey has ever done after drinking too much at after work drinks is fall asleep on the train home and miss our station, resulting on an unexpected and hefty taxi fare.

EggnogNoggin · 20/07/2025 14:12

And imo unless he makes a rape allegation, this is a boundary test to make sure you'll forgive dodgy behaviour before committing.

If youre forgiving him because you believe he had capacity to consent and therefore wasn't raped, then at the very least I'd punish him by getting him to cancel, reschedule and fully re-organise the wedding, bearing the full cost himself, and have him tell people himself that it's because he let you down and knows he doesn't deserve you yet.

I expect after a week of laying it on thick woth apologies he will show his true colours and guilt you into forgiving him woth no actual action from him.