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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fiance slept with a prostitute

630 replies

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 13:02

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

OP posts:
BillyBobbins1 · 26/07/2025 20:53

GulliaumeDuc · 26/07/2025 20:02

It would be over for me, instantly.

I wouldn’t forgive someone who had a drunken one night stand with a colleague, friend, or random, but I can, on some level, understand why someone might consider doing so.

I cannot, on any level, understand why you would forgive him paying a woman for sex. It’s far worse than just infidelity.

I strongly urge you to end this relationship.

Edited

The exact opposite of reality.
If he was genuinely looking for sex, in a serious fashion. Getting wankered with a load of boys who could ruin your relatonship/marriage or hold this over you and then confessing straight away, is a really odd way of going about it.
Like seeking to murder someone and letting all your mates know and witness the act.
finding out your partner is having an affair with your actual equal. Possibly for months or years. That's a cruel blow to the heart. Not trying to push your flaccid winky into a skank, out of your mind drunk in a place so seedy you've only seen it before in horror movies.

BillyBobbins1 · 26/07/2025 20:54

Preachscreen · 26/07/2025 19:25

Also ..if he was so paralytic...how has he got such a good recollection of events...

Waking up with the booze fear and catching glimpses? Then more comes back and the chat from the lads the next day...
You're all overthinking this. This isn't the Kennedy Assassination. If you think this kind of thing is rare, you need to wake up.

Hodgemollar · 26/07/2025 20:55

BillyBobbins1 · 26/07/2025 20:07

The exact opposite of reality.

If he was genuinely looking for sex, in a serious fashion. Getting wankered with a load of boys who could ruin your relatonship/marriage or hold this over you and then confessing straight away, is a really odd way of going about it.

Like seeking to murder someone and letting all your mates know and witness the act.

finding out your partner is having an affair with your actual equal. Possibly for months or years. That's a cruel blow to the heart. Not trying to push your flaccid winky into a skank, out of your mind drunk in a place so seedy you've only seen it before in horror movies.

Why would it matter whether he was looking for sex? It’s still where he ended up.

Hodgemollar · 26/07/2025 21:03

BillyBobbins1 · 26/07/2025 19:34

Cheating? Cheating is sleeping with a woman at the office. Getting spannered and being allowed to join in with the "big boys" on some mis-adventure isn't separation material.

The fact he came blubbing to make himself feel better and forgiven is the weak part.

How many comments do you need to make? You’re just posting drivel over and over and over again. Incessant commenting. It’s quite worrying.

Saffy255 · 26/07/2025 21:07

Erm.... Dump him and go straight to a GUM clinic for a full set of tests.

Gamezup · 26/07/2025 21:09

Do NOT marry this man. Take heed of what many posters on here are saying. The only good thing about this is that you found out before you got married.

Shitwithsugar · 26/07/2025 21:28

Don't you mean EX FIANCE

BillyBobbins1 · 26/07/2025 21:42

Hodgemollar · 26/07/2025 21:03

How many comments do you need to make? You’re just posting drivel over and over and over again. Incessant commenting. It’s quite worrying.

Show quote history

There was exactly nothing constructive in your comment. Zero.

I was bringing a different view from “Kill the pig”.

stop whining.

BillyBobbins1 · 26/07/2025 21:50

Hodgemollar · 26/07/2025 20:55

Why would it matter whether he was looking for sex? It’s still where he ended up.

Show quote history

Yeah, the world’s oldest profession snared another drunk boy.

Preachscreen · 26/07/2025 21:52

Don't think anyone needs to wake up here apart from the guy with a guilty conscience. It is a very detailed account...not just 'glimpses' ...maybe its you that needs to wake up, unless that is you have walked his exact path...

BillyBobbins1 · 26/07/2025 22:01

Preachscreen · 26/07/2025 21:52

Don't think anyone needs to wake up here apart from the guy with a guilty conscience. It is a very detailed account...not just 'glimpses' ...maybe its you that needs to wake up, unless that is you have walked his exact path...

I have. I’m only here by fluke, following a google search for “best door lock brands”, which led me to the best article from a locksmith on Mumsnet.

l’m an over fifty male, fairly successful and single. Made all the mistakes. My five pence is regarded as “drivel” when I’ve actually been exactly here. The towering hatred of men on this thread is absolutely sickening, All the ladies banging the drum to lose this guy fast. He displayed honesty and incredible immaturity.

Good luck dating the players who aren’t so honest and aren’t willing to “share their feelings”.

I’m out. Perma-out. The last relationship was just me apologising and paying. Men aren’t the enemy, We are the other side of the same coin.

MrMan007 · 26/07/2025 22:30

this is borderline, I tripped and I accidentally felt dick first onto a naked woman territory. The 30 seconds line… classic watering down, and in any case, 1 second or 1 day; no difference. You don’t get to shag someone a little bit, you do or you don’t.

kkloo · 26/07/2025 22:48

InterestedReader1 · 26/07/2025 20:09

There is nothing about lack him getting consent. If anything, the lady involved did not get his consent since apparently he was drunk. If the genders had been reversed few would hesitate in naming what took place as 'rape'.

However, I see that he used another human to have sex (is that not normal). And it seems like a betrayal.

This is not easy for you and I wish you the best of luck resolving the situation in a way that you can live with for the indefinite future.

Show quote history

If the genders were reversed everyone would tell her that she cheated. There is no suggestion that he was too drunk to consent, he said he was paralytic, yet he remembers it very well, he walked into the place, remembers the negotiation, remembers agreeing, had an erection, managed to have sex he also managed to run out of there and make his way home. He clearly wasn't too drunk to consent and any woman who told a similar story would be told she cheated.

fateisdestined2025 · 26/07/2025 23:20

30 seconds? That’s too long for him to think no I don’t want to do this. Leave him so he doesn’t do this again.

BillyBobbins1 · 27/07/2025 00:00

kkloo · 26/07/2025 22:48

If the genders were reversed everyone would tell her that she cheated. There is no suggestion that he was too drunk to consent, he said he was paralytic, yet he remembers it very well, he walked into the place, remembers the negotiation, remembers agreeing, had an erection, managed to have sex he also managed to run out of there and make his way home. He clearly wasn't too drunk to consent and any woman who told a similar story would be told she cheated.

Show quote history

If the genders were reversed, she’d stay quiet.

Women don’t confess to infidelity.

kkloo · 27/07/2025 05:07

BillyBobbins1 · 27/07/2025 00:00

If the genders were reversed, she’d stay quiet.

Women don’t confess to infidelity.

Show quote history

There's been many on here who have posted that they did indeed tell their partners.

Ramjam555 · 27/07/2025 07:15

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 15:51

We do have kids, I’m a SAHM. I wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in our house on my own and wouldn’t be able to afford anything even remotely close to the area I’m in.

So annoyed at him for ruining our family. Our kids are so happy and settled where we are. I don’t have any family help so I will be on my own with nothing and no one.

And he will probably get married and have more kids in the future as he’s successful and attractive and still young and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life as I’ll have 2 kids to support and no one to look after them if I ever wanted to go out.

Get a good lawyer.

Laura95167 · 27/07/2025 08:20

TurtleyProudDuck · 26/07/2025 18:04

Had to post as surprised no one else has commented about possible sexual assault/rape. She took down the trousers and put the condom on someone paralytic drunk then they were having sex for 30 seconds - ie until he was able to stop her. That’s why he is so distressed and why this is so out of character.

I’m sure plenty of people will think me naive as they see only the worst, and I may not be right in this instance, but men are raped and sexually assaulted too and it really sounds like it could be what happened here. The only person who can judge is OP who should listen to her gut. But if he’s in real distress then she should lead with kindness - she doesn’t need to decide anything now.

Lots of people (including myself) have said if his version of events is accurate its a SA

However, personally im dubious. Prostitutes have sex for the money. If they were paid and hed said no, I dont see why they wouldnt keep the money and NOT have sex with him. And if hes was "freaking out" how she managed to get this condom on and start sex with him.

But have said if its true he should report the place and his work friends to the police and his colleagues behavoiur to HR.

kkloo · 27/07/2025 08:34

Laura95167 · 27/07/2025 08:20

Lots of people (including myself) have said if his version of events is accurate its a SA

However, personally im dubious. Prostitutes have sex for the money. If they were paid and hed said no, I dont see why they wouldnt keep the money and NOT have sex with him. And if hes was "freaking out" how she managed to get this condom on and start sex with him.

But have said if its true he should report the place and his work friends to the police and his colleagues behavoiur to HR.

Show quote history

It isn't SA even if his version of events is accurate, he said himself that they convinced him to do it.

Going along with 'peer pressure' or giving in to a prostitute trying to sell you sex is absolutely nothing like SA.

lowkey33 · 27/07/2025 09:57

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/07/2025 13:04

He uses other humans to have sex into and doesn’t care about consent.

Quite apart from the disgusting betrayal.

Dump him.

are you dense? he was blind drunk and woman pulled his pants down and put on condom without consent. if it was the other way around you would be irate.

kkloo · 27/07/2025 10:08

lowkey33 · 27/07/2025 09:57

are you dense? he was blind drunk and woman pulled his pants down and put on condom without consent. if it was the other way around you would be irate.

Show quote history

He clearly wasn't blind drunk seeing as he remembers everything and had no issue getting home, and she did have consent, he said they convinced him.
I think it must be you who is dense considering how you're twisting this.

mylovedoesitgood · 27/07/2025 10:34

His story is a load of bollocks, obviously.

I agree with everyone who’s advising you to go ahead with the wedding and play the game to strengthen your position because if you bin him off now you don’t have much on your side. So start planning now - acquire as much money as you can, strengthen your support network, take legal advice, and do online learning to acquire or enhance your skills. Don’t ever become financially dependent on anyone again.

Cautiousgrandad · 27/07/2025 13:15

Wow again to that last post mentality-that's the way to live your life..

Jertzy · 27/07/2025 16:04

I'd be impressed with some of my exes if they lasted 30 seconds. His timing might be accurate but it was probably "post n#t clarity" that made him run!

BillyBobbins1 · 27/07/2025 17:01

thelakeisle · 21/07/2025 04:18

Sticking your penis in a prostitute is not a mistake. It is a choice that only the sleaziest, creepiest scummiest man would make.

And if you actually believe that a man goes from zero to fucking prossies, I have a bridge Id like to sell you. He has DEFINITELY done lots and lots and lots of other shit. If he's admitting using prostitutes, what he's not admitting to must be beyond belief.

Edited
Show quote history

Dangerously misguided.

If he was up to all sorts, he'd not be crying and confessing after the "nth" time he played away.

Would he? As my father used to say, "The problem with common sense, is that it's uncommon."

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