Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

Well the wedding is off I guess.

By definition, women can't rape men.

Prostitutes aren't doing their job for fun and the chance of her touching him if he hadn't paid is zero. He may well have had a sudden fit of conscience about it, but it did not unfold as he said.

It never says he agreed or changed his mind or did anything to actually have the sex, reads as it being done to him and him saying no.

Sounds as if his ‘friend’ paid. The legal definition of rape in the England focuses on penetration - so under that definition a man can be raped but only by another man. The legal definition is not necessarily correct. If a woman has had sex with a man without his consent surely you’d consider it just as serious as the reverse?

You should be uset, but not for all the reasons people are yodelling about.

Dark horses don't tell. He's not a player or you wouldn't know anything. And yes, men do sometimes end up, led by the drunken nose, by filthy work colleagues who want their actions validated by their peers.

If he was a man, he'd have kept his mouth shut. Taken a trip down to the STD clinic and made a pact with himself not to get so drunk with "friends" with such questionable morals.

Crying to mommy is pretty poor, for any reason.

Yes it does say that, he said that they convinced him to do it, ie he agreed to do it, so she took down his trousers, they had sex for 30 seconds and then he said 'no I can't do this'.
It's right there in the OP, agreed, then changed his mind.

His story just doesn’t really add up, if he was that drunk then how did he get an erection ? There’s quite a bit of information missing where he had decision points where he could have fled , the time between realising it’s a brothel , the time it takes for his colleague to negotiate the sex rates , the time of putting on the condom , he could have just pushed her away before he penetrated her. If he then suddenly realised that it wasn’t what he wanted then that sounds more plausible to me , but hiding behind an excuse of I was drunk is a lie and that’s not acceptable. Go through it in forensic detail with him and you will begin to see how his story has gaps in it and isn’t totally honest . Marry him if you wish but you will need to accept that he thinks lying to himself and to you is ok. Also you now have a free pass to have sex with whoever you want !

Also please bear in mind that "sex" after 15 pints is basically pushing a wet noodle around someone's groin area.

Ain't no babymaking going on.

Wow, forgiveness such a dirty word..You love him and don't want to throw away your r'ship over a drunken mistake. So don't. How many other blokes would have coughed up to this voluntarily?

The scenario he described is more common than you think. Drunken bravado. "Man or a mouse" challenges. He didn't get the "landing gear" down. I promise you that.

If he did this more than this one time. She wouldn't know about it! Obviously!

As for receipts, probably an ATM in the premises and cash only.

My husband absolutely hated cheating too. Called out a colleague on it so many times - and so for ages, when he was cheating and I suspected, I thought I must be going mad. But no. Just the old story. Save yourself the heartache and walk away now. It will feel shit but things will work out for the better.

I'm guessing the words, "Ok, I'll just come for a drink" were used. After hours and wanting to keep drinking. Then in the situation where his mates are smiling and waving as they go upstairs and leave him in the bar with the working girls wanting to transact, left him agreeing and being led by the hand.

If he's never been in this environment before he's a babe in arms surrounded by girls wanting to get paid. Drunken punters are great. All money and no acton.

If he really wasn't too interested in doing the deed, how did he 'manage' to do it...there must of been some attraction and appeal! I would ensure you get yourself checked out for stds and him also should you decide to continue your relationship with him.

Also ..if he was so paralytic...how has he got such a good recollection of events...

Waking up with the booze fear and catching glimpses? Then more comes back and the chat from the lads the next day...

You're all overthinking this. This isn't the Kennedy Assassination. If you think this kind of thing is rare, you need to wake up.

Your relationship will either go two ways:

1. He made a mistake and will never, ever do it again. He’ll look at some help (councilling) for why he could be talked into cheating. It never happens again.
2. He regrets the mistake but realises you forgave him once so will likely to do it again- especially when you are more emotionally and financially tied to leave as easily. He may or may not admit he’s done it again. But that doesn’t matter as you’ll assume he is everytime he goes out with his mates.

Any cheating should end the relationship- even temporarily. I would end things until you’ve had a think about what you want. As someone who was cheated on myself: you never stop thinking they’ll do it again. People make mistakes but sleeping with someone else while in a committed relationship is not one I’d ever forgive. Tried and they just did it again and it ruined my self esteem for ages.

Cheating? Cheating is sleeping with a woman at the office. Getting spannered and being allowed to join in with the "big boys" on some mis-adventure isn't separation material.

The fact he came blubbing to make himself feel better and forgiven is the weak part.

oh and despite what everyone else says, he managed to get it up so mist have been aroused. I think he went for it hammer and tong and is now trying to minimalize it by saying he was coerced by his friend and ‘only did it for 30 seconds’.
Not normal and I wouldn’t marry him!

Go ahead and marry him. Play the game, but toughen up inside. Once you feel strong and able then divorce him and take your half.

The two questions you need to ask yourself (and be brutally honest with yourself about) are:

1. Do you believe him (trust your instincts on this one rather than believing what you want to be true)?
2. Will you ever be able to trust him again?

If the answer to both those questions is yes, only then should you consider forgiving him. I would make him take an std test with you before sleeping with him again and maybe also consider couples therapy for a while. I understand the temptation to bury your head in the sand and pretend it never happened but I definitely wouldn’t do that. Feel free to be angry with him for f’ing things up too, bottling that up will only result in resentment further down the line.

If it’s going to take you longer than six months to resolve trust issues, consider cancelling the wedding plans or rescheduling. Otherwise you might feel pressure to go through with the wedding for the wrong reasons.

Good luck and if you end up breaking it off don’t be too despondent. As others have commented, it would be much worse if you found this out when already married or with children.

Yeah. Marry the guy who swears he would never do such a thing...

He owned up. Straight away. At least this one's honest. Playing away is a national sport amongst office workers. Especially when the Missus is preggers or whilst the kids are young and the hot girl you married is now "mommy". Mommy who rings you at work with "Jimmy's just done this...You need to deal with it." I've known guys who receive these calls and talk to their wives in all sympathy, put the phone down and declare "I'm either working late or going to the pub, who's' with me?" Because all the way home they know that Mrs Miserable will be at the door with a load of problems and upset children.

He showed naive and juvenile loyalty by fessing up. Immediately. Half a point. The bastards do what they like and would deny everything even if caught in bed with the secretary.

It would be over for me, instantly.

I wouldn’t forgive someone who had a drunken one night stand with a colleague, friend, or random, but I can, on some level, understand why someone might consider doing so.

I cannot, on any level, understand why you would forgive him paying a woman for sex. It’s far worse than just infidelity.

I strongly urge you to end this relationship.

The exact opposite of reality.

If he was genuinely looking for sex, in a serious fashion. Getting wankered with a load of boys who could ruin your relatonship/marriage or hold this over you and then confessing straight away, is a really odd way of going about it.

Like seeking to murder someone and letting all your mates know and witness the act.

finding out your partner is having an affair with your actual equal. Possibly for months or years. That's a cruel blow to the heart. Not trying to push your flaccid winky into a skank, out of your mind drunk in a place so seedy you've only seen it before in horror movies.

There is nothing about lack him getting consent. If anything, the lady involved did not get his consent since apparently he was drunk. If the genders had been reversed few would hesitate in naming what took place as 'rape'.

However, I see that he used another human to have sex (is that not normal). And it seems like a betrayal.

This is not easy for you and I wish you the best of luck resolving the situation in a way that you can live with for the indefinite future.

You're the reason we don't date any more and half of women over 30 are childless.

Do you think we're stupid?