Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

One of the most worrying aspects of his ‘story’ is how his friends are willing to take him to a brothel to be in his ‘words’, raped. I cannot imagine any women taking their friend anywhere where they would be in danger of being assaulted in such a way. Why are some men so awful? OP, does your partner wish for you to believe that his friends essentially were complicit in this assault? If so, he has to obviously never see them again, and also to report this to the police.

Another thread where the OP does not return. 🙄

I’m sorry but I don’t believe this is the true story that he has told you - you don’t just end up in a situation like this. He’s only telling you to relieve his own guilt and now he has laid it at your door - a drunken snog on a night out with a random female is one thing, ending up in a brothel and actually having sex with a prostitute is quite another. Also, do you want to marry a man that associates with people who use sex workers? It’s just so many red flags. Run and don’t look back.

No harm, but as invested as any of us might be in this thread this womans life is unravelling and she's not obligated to provide follow up. It's probably too fucking painful for her/overwhelming. I know when I was in similar shoes I found too many opinions extremely hard to deal with because I was still trying to figure out my own feelings.

I think there's room for more compassion here. You choose to engage with a thread, it doesn't mean you're owed anything. Hopefully op got something positive from it and is doing what is right for her.

No if he cheats and gets away with it he will do it again , also please get an sti check x

He's not claiming that he was raped.

He is not claiming consent from the original post.

I wonder why he told you.

I'm wondering this too.

If i was stupid enough to sleep with a prositute i wouldnt tell my partner and blow up my family.

Maybe some men get overwhelmed with the guilt?

Maybe there's a chance he is going to get outed so he has got in there first!

He's making out he was pressured into it, but he's not claiming or implying that he was raped or assaulted.

They're completely different. They convinced him to do it and it was only then she took his trousers down.

It would be like if I went to a house with my friend and she wanted to have sex with a man and tried to convince me to have sex with another man there 'ah go on, have a bit of fun' and then I agreed to it, not out of fear or thinking I was in danger, I just agreed and then changed my mind.

Even if his story were true (because I know how much everyone wants to believe and not make the wrong decision and throw everything away)...

I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

This is why it's over.

This will not be the truth. It’s really important that you don’t trust men when they talk about prostitutes.

The way he described it is so stupid.

Like he all of a sudden found himself with a condom on. Then he tripped and fell into her. But only for thirty seconds before he came to his senses.

All lies!

At least he has shown his true colours before a wedding, you can cancel it and save the money and future heart ache.

I agree he has told you to try and get ahead of you finding out some other way. I can see you're having difficulty reconciling person that you thought you knew with the person who's done this - at the very, very least do not marry him .

Oh dear. I wouldn't believe a word. "She made me do it" 🙄

But only for thirty seconds before he came to his senses

Op you okay

I’ll be alone for the rest of my life as I’ll have 2 kids to support and no one to look after them if I ever wanted to go out.
WTF? He will have to also support his kids (CMS) and he will be having to look after his kids via shared custody, so
you will have plenty of time to go out and meet someone else (if you can get yourself to trust another man again).
or is he completely incapable of looking after his own kids? Because if that’s the case, you’ve got bigger problems than him accidentally falling over and landing with his d*ck inside a prostitute.

Only you can decide if you remain together. However, make sure he has been tested at the STD clinic and you don't have unprotected sex til they say it's ok if you do stay with him.
I'd personally have to go on track record, people make ridiculous mistakes that are out of character sometimes, and not must be terrible for you, so good luck with your choices

AND some bigger boys as well!

Unfortunately we all know that even seemingly devoted fathers can get very used to leaving all the childcare up to the mothers in the event of a split.
It's not a good reason to stay with him of course, but no one can force him to share custody.

Had to post as surprised no one else has commented about possible sexual assault/rape. She took down the trousers and put the condom on someone paralytic drunk then they were having sex for 30 seconds - ie until he was able to stop her. That’s why he is so distressed and why this is so out of character.

I’m sure plenty of people will think me naive as they see only the worst, and I may not be right in this instance, but men are raped and sexually assaulted too and it really sounds like it could be what happened here. The only person who can judge is OP who should listen to her gut. But if he’s in real distress then she should lead with kindness - she doesn’t need to decide anything now.