If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

[Yunall]

Just wondering as DP is a surgeon (just made consultant). He doesn’t do private work and I would say we have a nice lifestyle but only because my income tops it up. I’m used to a lot of luxury and had a privileged upbringing (don’t mean to sound like a dick I’m just stating a fact) and I wonder if we had kids if I would actually have to continue working to have a decent lifestyle. Not something I talk much to DP about as he came from a less well off background and understandably I would come across ungrateful!!!

Not a clue! Been a povo most of my adult life and went without food to feed my child after being left by my then husband who then managed to evade paying child support, By holding down two jobs at times and working 12 hour shifts when they were older I managed to pay of the mortgage on a tiny terraced house in a rough inner city area. I appreciate that I do not possess the intelligence, the education or skills to do a job like that but i am proud of the fact that I have always paid my way and given my child a sound work ethic. Sometimes I wonder how my life turned out like this but it is my money, earned by me. I may not be intelligent, well off or lead a life of luxury but I don't live off anyone and a man has never provided for me

Orthopaedic surgeons doing private work earn themselves silly. If he builds up his practice he’ll be earning £300/400k you’ll never see him mind….

This thread is wild. I earn about £35k, have a mortgage which I overpay by £500, Netflix, and a holiday a year (mostly in the UK granted). No debt and I save £500 a month towards holidays, Christmas, birthdays etc. I’m pretty frugal and don’t spend much on myself; but I’m on my own with my two kids and I’d say we do ok. Can’t imagine earning £110k and not being able to splash on Netflix.

Didn’t she just!

I can only assume that most of the people saying 'I couldn't live comfortably on under 100K' are people with massive mortgages and children in fee paying schools.

SAHM here and my DH’s salary is closer to yours than your DH’s. I would say that you can’t have it all - if you want to be a SAHM, you have to accept that you are gaining time with your kids but losing out in many other ways. My salary was similar to childcare costs so I am happy to stay home until my kids are both in (state) school. I don’t really buy new things for myself and we have massively cut back on holidays/treats/takeaways. We budget carefully and consistently but I never feel like we have enough. I cope with this sacrifice because it’s worth it to be with my kids short term and I’m adamant that I can work again when it’s time - I will probs be working until I’m almost 70 so I’ve got many years left to ‘play’ with.

When you have kids, even if you do work, you probably won’t feel like you’re rolling in it and I don’t think private school would be within reach (especially with more than one kid). So you have to make it happen all for yourself by finding a more lucrative career (rather than expecting your DH to provide it for you) OR continue working and have more money for ‘fun’ OR change your mindset and see the extra time with your kids as a luxury.

'I couldn't live comfortably on under 100K' are people with massive mortgages and children in fee paying schools.

100k wouldn't cover a massive mortgage & private school though.

This thread in insane.
I have 2 kids on one salary of 36k.
I make it work.

Sorry you'll have to give up champagne and caviar.

Two kids would be half his salary… before tax, student loan and pensions.

After these, two sets of private school fees would be getting on for 100% of his take home pay now.

Absolutely, plus with tax, there probably isn't a big difference between her net pay and his. So she's considering almost halving their joint income

100k after tax and pension would be 64k, private school is close to 30k a year. What counts as a massive mortgage? 3k a month so 36k a year.

This is peak mumsnet. Can't raise a family on 110 k 😆

Absolutely, bonkers!! I'm a teacher and see families living fine on less than £40K , not flashily but making ends meet. £110K should be more than adequate to live very comfortably, unless you are useless with finances!

Takes a considerable amount of time to build up a private practice - it’s been a growth area because of the long wait lists after Covid. Those same wait lists are tumbling down. People are much less willing to part with 5-10k when they only have to wait 20 weeks instead of 2 years for a hip replacement

Anyhoo OP - it doesn’t sound like you’re married yet? Just making plans for the future? Not to burst your bubble but most surgeons I know ( a lot) are married to other surgeons, anaesthetists or GPs (as one delightful one told me “someone has to do the easy job” referencing his GP wife). Even they whinge constantly about not having enough money.

They are also horribly unfaithful as far as stereotypes go - so take the usual MN advice of those who’ve gone before you:

• stay in work
• keep your own income source
• don’t give up your independence

When you say you’re used to a lot of luxury, what does that look like IRL? Designer clothes? Expensive holidays? Top of the range cars?

There is a huge demand, think about all the private hospitals and private insurance schemes, for example, BUPA. Due to NHS waiting lists a lot of people are turning to private healthcare, even going privately I have had to wait 4 months for an appointment but I was told I would wait 3 - 4 years on the NHS.

The OP said she's used to a pretty luxurious lifestyle and people are saying she won't get that in london on 110k a year if they have kids. They are right.

I have a similar HH income to OP's current situation without kids. Big London mortgage (2200k pcm) but few other expenses.

We save and enjoy nice holidays, don't have to count pennies but a kid or two in London nurseries would make things tight for a few years.

It’s always weird to see the comments that are obviously just trying to brag… my husband is a doctor in the USA so he makes about 5x as much as yours.

I'm not married to any sort of surgeon but a lot depends on where you live, whether your family passed on lots of money to help you buy a property and just how high a standard of living you want. You are likely to need to work and should do so to ensure you can support any children you have. If you save now you can afford some time at home with children but few people can keep a family on one income now.

Seriously get a grip on reality…first world problems. If you want to live in luxury then work for it but don't insult the majority of those reading this who don’t have a choice.

"Orthopaedic surgeons rarely do private practice because the demand is lower than other areas of surgery..."

I don't know which part of the UK you live in, but here in the South West there is considerable demand for private orthopaedic surgery.

At the private hospital I chose to have my operation at, there are currently 18 orthopaedic surgeons working at this hospital (some of whom also work in local NHS hospitals and some of whom also work at the Nuffield).

I know single mums on £100k who have less than someone on the basis state pension once they have paid their mortgage/rent, childcare and travel costs.

100k after tax and 5% pension contribution is £5471. £2000 for mortgage (gets you a two bed terrace in my area), £2k for childcare, £495 for monthly train pass. Leaves £976 for all other bills, food and living costs.

That's really not what the OP asked.

Not many people want to work. It sounds like you set great store by having a lot of money. I suspect you married, at least in part, for money. You sound grabby and entitled. Good on your husband for sticking with the NHS.

Either keep working, reduce your expectation re money or divorce and find some millionaire to support you sitting at home.

Depends where you live and what sort of life you want your kids to have, to be honest. At present, his top level of salary is 132k or thereabouts. He could apply for a national award but he'll probably have to do quite a lot of extra work.

His salary won't stretch to your comfortable upbringing, probably. If you want your kids in private school, a nice house and lots of holidays together, you'll need to work or he'll need to take on a pp. His pp will need to earn probably 150 to 200k before tax. That's probably not going to keep you to the way that you're accustomed tbh. You'll need to do everything in the house. He won't lift a finger. He'll resent you if you feel you need help with the childcare, because he'll be working super hard.

Just an aside, why do you want to relinquish your financial independence to a bloke? Have you got any independent wealth? Inherited much?

FWIW, I suspect your husband's views on pp will change when he realises how little he earns.

Good luck!