If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

[Yunall]

Just wondering as DP is a surgeon (just made consultant). He doesn’t do private work and I would say we have a nice lifestyle but only because my income tops it up. I’m used to a lot of luxury and had a privileged upbringing (don’t mean to sound like a dick I’m just stating a fact) and I wonder if we had kids if I would actually have to continue working to have a decent lifestyle. Not something I talk much to DP about as he came from a less well off background and understandably I would come across ungrateful!!!

He has good principles. Plenty of us having our finances utterly ruined as we sit on NHS waiting lists unable to work and private wealthy customers coming along taking up spaces.

I think in a very basic level most people don't want to work. I wouldn't go to work if I didn't have too 🤣

@Yunalli absolutely would not consider giving up my job at a DP and not a DW. And I’m saying this as someone who did just that.. in my experience, I had to go back to work because my relationship was fractious. My mum friends looked down on me because I was the working mum.. but I had the last laugh as not one, to a woman, has been able to reach their previous earning potential after taking those years off.

if you want to do this - and it is your choice - you should get married and perhaps start a side hustle to keep money coming in, and you could scale it if necessary. Not only about earning potential, but about being trapped by having no independent money and nowhere to go. I hear you when you said you had a very privileged upbringing. It is one thing to think that family would always help, it’s another to actually reach out and ask for this help at the time.

set yourself up for success, not for disaster. Every woman on here did not think they would get married/be in a relationship to just break up. But life does happen, and it is wiser to always be that one step ahead

I earn about that and DH hasn't worked for 5 years. We managed just fine - but if you want luxury you won't get it.

A nice life? Yes! All the trimmings? No. Not if you don't use savings/family money.

The days of a consultant having a nice home and children in private schools are long gone.

@Yunall where do you live and what do you mean luxury

but realistically reducing your income by 40% whilst introducing children who are frankly bloody expensive is going to mean cut backs.

we are a family of four on around 110k in South east London and yes we do have holidays abroad etc but we do have to watch what we spend (and we have the luxury of a paid off mortgage and savings from inheritance)

also mine are 16 and 12 and I would never want to be a SAHM - part time reduced hours yes nothing no

Wtaf?
(Person who felt rich on 60k joint income with a kid)

If you want to stay at home and bring up your children and your husband is happy with that then that’s fine. Personally I would choose that and have a bit less luxury. As others have said, start cutting back now and save some money. Enjoy those very precious years with little children!

Christ, this thread is making me feel like a pauper! DH and I both work full time and take home 65k a year between us. We have two kids and live very comfortably. Only on MN could someone say they couldn't live on 110k.

How the other half live.

@clamshell24 when was that though?

5 years ago. With netflix.

Tell me you've never earned 100k without telling me you've never earned 100k....

fully funding your own lifestyle without subsidised childcare and working tax credits and whatever else and come back and say you should be living like a king with 3 kids on 110k

I understand how it sounds but the rate of taxation and inflation, plus current house prices, especially in SE, means that many couples that have only just got onto the property ladder won’t be feeling remotely well off.

To give an example; my uncle was an ENT surgeon, my aunt worked part time as a teacher in a state school. My uncle worked 4 days NHS and 1.5 days private. On this income my uncle & aunt were able to send all 4 of my cousins to public school, 2 boarded (my oldest cousin is aged 62, youngest is 52 years old). Family home was recently valued at £2.2 million. This standard of living would be impossible today if couples worked these jobs. The schooling alone would be in excess of £140k for the 3 years when all 4 children are in school (with 2 as boarders).

Look at net income them add in all the government benefits which you DO receive and the delta vs a single 100/110k salary isnt what you think

Tell me you've never earned 100k without telling me you've never earned 100k....

fully funding your own lifestyle without subsidised childcare and working tax credits and whatever else and come back and say you should be living like a king with 3 kids on 110k

Netflix is £6 a month, I wouldn't say that was living like a king...

We have a low 6 fig income and can afford Netflix...

Its because the more money you earn, the higher expectations you have and the more luxuries you want. OP said she grew up privileged and in luxury lifestyle, she wants that and isn't happy her husband doesn't earn to provide that for her. She wants to be a SAHM.

@clamshell24 because of inflation that's about 76k today.

Oh come on!! 🤣🤣🤣

I think it important that the OP is asking is 110k enough to have a luxurious lifestyle and it isn’t not with kids. It isn’t enough for private schooling and depending on mortgage and location isn’t enough for lots of holidays.

it is more than enough to have children on not just the lifestyle the OP wants

so sacrifices will have to be made

My advice: be very careful about giving up work. Everyone has a boss, and your boss is whoever you get money from!

I agree with this advice, but OP said herself she grew up privileged and her parents gave her a life of luxury. Assuming she will get inheritance, she will be absolutely fine. Plus, 50% off everything if divorced happened. Maybe more..

Depending on what she trained in, she can easily walk back into job.

Not all people having private surgery are wealthy.

I recently had cataract surgery at a private hospital by a private surgeon.
When my optician referred me the NHS waiting time was 3 years. I had it done privately with two weeks wait. I was one less joining the NHS queue. My eyesight was starting to affect my ability to drive and work.
I am a carer for two adult family members and have a mortgage to pay.
Principles are laudable, but sometimes we have to be realistic.

Mad! You like a luxurious lifestyle but are considering dropping your income by 80k if you have kids - 😆😆 good luck with that !

if your husbands money goes up in future you won’t notice the increase because everything will be more expensive then

if he leaves you - then your absolutely fucked

We get child benefit but that's it? Tax credits aren't a thing anymore and we don't claim UC as we don't need it and I doubt we'd be entitled anyway.

110k is a very very good salary no matter how you look at it. Easily in the top 5% of the population. Claiming you'd struggle to live on it is an insult to people who actually do live in poverty.

I do see why people are so militant about this but I don't think it applies to everyone.

I work because I genuinely love what I do, but DH has been home with the kids / finishing his degree and he's loved that too. I was a SAHM for the first 3 years and I can't tell you how invaluable that was to me. If I had gone back to work during that time because I heeded the cautious 'don't give up work' I would have missed out and been less happy (I can't say miserable). Our children have benefitted, we both have benefitted - sometimes it's worth it.

i understand the sentiment but it's not always a blanket rule.