If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

[Yunall]

Just wondering as DP is a surgeon (just made consultant). He doesn’t do private work and I would say we have a nice lifestyle but only because my income tops it up. I’m used to a lot of luxury and had a privileged upbringing (don’t mean to sound like a dick I’m just stating a fact) and I wonder if we had kids if I would actually have to continue working to have a decent lifestyle. Not something I talk much to DP about as he came from a less well off background and understandably I would come across ungrateful!!!

That is a very specific question. My husband earns similiar but isn’t even a medical doctor.

Money doesn’t go as far with children.

So you want to be SAHM and ‘continue to have a decent lifestyle’.

you need to have some serious conversations with him. He’ll probably need to pick up private work and all the childcare bollocks will fall to you. Can you work p/t.

sorry if I’m wrong but it sounds very much like you don’t want to work and don’t think you should.

Google suggest 90k as a base salary. We earn a lot
more than that combined , based in the SE. Definitely couldn’t lose a salary.

How much does he earn? Why doesn’t he do private work? Do you enjoy your job? Do you want children?

@boulevardofbrokendreamss hes on 110k. Not sure how much it goes up or how fast. I earn 80. But yes youre right I don’t want to have to work!

@2024onwardsandup he doesn’t agree with private practice

Why do you think you shouldn't have to work? He already earns a lot more than most people do.

No idea but just wanted to say yay for orthopaedic surgeons.

@ilovesooty i don’t think I shouldn’t have to. I just don’t want to!

So you think he should compromise his principles to allow you not to have to work once you start a family?

That sounds rather spoilt.

If you don’t want to work, you need to be able to strategise financially. Right now you sound like you’re more keen to complain instead from a rather privileged position.

I wouldn't want to live on £110k with children. Especially when its earnt by only one person so more tax paid. Can you work part time?

A new consultant does not earn a huge amount and, sadly, in many areas the boom era for private practice is long gone.
Nobody gets rich as an NHS doctor, and it's one of those misunderstandings of the general public that consultants are paid mega bucks.
But, for an orthopod, medico- legal work can be a good way to top up earnings.

Not meaning to sound rude but is there much call for private orthopedic work?

I’d say don’t give up work. The amount he earns won’t ho that far in sustaining a family. School fees out of the question.

Do you have a private income? If not I’d emphasis even more not relying on him. It’s not good to be reliant on one salary. And it gives men ideas about power within the relationship.

Start saving all of your salary and see how it feels? It will allow you to have a comfortable maternity leave (or 3!) too! Remember he is in the worst income bracket for being hit hard with tax.

You’d be fine. But just note the endless posts on here re once loving husbands upping and leaving their wives who’ve stayed at home looking after the kids, losing out on pension and career prospects. Make sure he puts pension aside for you and make smart decisions about what’s in whose name. If you’re from a privileged background anyway you may not have to worry.

It’s probably one of the most lucrative specialties for private!

@ilovesooty no… where have I said that?!

I earn a bit less than your DP but same ballpark. DH does not work and we have 3 children.

We are comfortable but do not have Netflix, take-aways and foreign holidays. If we wanted these things, DH would need to start work again but ours are in primary and we are prioritising having a parent around after school, not using wraparound childcare etc.

However, I have to say I'd run a mile if I heard someone strategising to rely on my salary when we weren't even married or had kids. What are you going to bring to the table if you are not working? Will you fully run the house?

Depends where you live. It would be more than enough where I am.

OP, what would you be doing if you weren't working?

You obviously have a good household income but not enormous. Children are expensive and if you plan on being a sahm his income will feel quite small once tax and the loss of other family related benefits are lost at 100k. I wouldn't imagine you will.be doing private school and lots of fancy holidays. I think you need to sit down and have a really honest think and talk.about what each of your expectations are. When going into having children you really need to be pulling in the same.direction as a team. Best of luck!

What if your husband decided he didn't want to work, or doesn't agree to being the sole earner?

This is very naive thinking.

What if things don't work out in some years time, and you then have no career or funds of your own.

Kind of concerning that you "haven't talked much" to your partner about that. How long have you been together?

Before any talk of children you should let him know that you don't want or expect to work in the future and you want him to support the entire family on his income. That is fine if it's your preference (it would bore me shitless but we're all different!) but you need to see if he wants that. He may well want to work for the NHS and have a partner who either contributes financially or has less expectations of being handed a life of luxury on a plate.

I think even with both their full time incomes school fees for more than one child would be a stretch and require sacrifices