If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

[Yunall]

Just wondering as DP is a surgeon (just made consultant). He doesn’t do private work and I would say we have a nice lifestyle but only because my income tops it up. I’m used to a lot of luxury and had a privileged upbringing (don’t mean to sound like a dick I’m just stating a fact) and I wonder if we had kids if I would actually have to continue working to have a decent lifestyle. Not something I talk much to DP about as he came from a less well off background and understandably I would come across ungrateful!!!

I don't know why school fees have even been brought into it really, as the vast majority of parents don't send their children to private schools, even if they do have a decent family income.

@Gymbunny2025 ah okay. I didn’t realise that. Thank you.

I think the idea a six-figure salary will fund a life of luxury is long behind us.

Most people I know are pretty affluent and in all couples both work - usually full time.

I think to afford the big house, the school fees, the ski holidays etc… you need a lot, a lot of money coming in.

This thread is mind-boggling. People saying that £180k combined is “not an enormous” income, and suggesting they wouldn’t want to live off with £100k with kids…

Of everyone I know who has kids, only one or two have a household income of £100k, and others are more like £40k. They all make it work, and the richest ones are not the happiest.

The answer is simple: if you have less money you have to have a smaller house/less expensive area, prioritise, and generally buy less. If that’s a choice you can make (to sacrifice money to become time-rich instead) you’re very fortunate, but that’s not for everyone.

(edited for typos!)

Well school fees are an absolute luxury now vat is added. It’s a no no really unless there’s family money.

All those private knee and hip replacements would help the finances! Of course there’s private work! Loads of it. He doesn’t want it - so be it. Many do and they have SAH wives. He wants his wife to work. Depends on how child care gets organised doesn’t it? Mum does it all? Works and looks after dc? Man sticks to his guns - that’s a luxury too really. Both parents should do what’s best for dc. Definitely need to talk about it though.

@Melancholyfloweri suppose it was just with the OP saying she’d had a very privileged upbringing. I was thinking about her expectations.

I took 3 years off and we had 110k - his salary. With 2 kids. In London! We managed more than fine

So you earn 80k to his 110k, I'm not clear whether your (really fairly good) salary is full or part time.
Are you a medic too? If I'm not mistaken, there are often quite good openings for part time work for women in that field - I believe there are many more women GPs than these used to be and women are attracted to the job at least partly because there are more PT roles available.
But essentially you need to work out what level of income you will need to finance your lifestyle going forward. If you work full time at the moment are there opportunities to drop to PT if and when you have children? And will that be enough for you to maintain your standard of living.
Do you get decent maternity pay and maternity leave in your job? Only you can answer this, I'm afraid.
In the short to medium term I'd hang on to your job even after having a child/children to see how it goes.
I would think very carefully indeed about giving up work altogether.

Obviously this is a top of the list of first world problems OP and I’m not trying to rain on your parade but, from my personal bitter personal experiences I’d be asking myself the following questions (and there’s no need to answer them on MN:
What would happen if DH died?
What would happen if DH became chronically ill and unable to work?
What would happen if you became disabled or chronically ill?
What would you do if DH became financially controlling?
What would happen if you had a disabled/severely disabled child or children?
Would I be isolated if I left work?
How would I cope if I developed PND?
What would I do if DH left his career (let’s say to start a business)?
What would I do if DH lost his profession (eg misconduct or an error that saw him lose his medical license)?
What would I do if I needed IVF or other expensive medical intervention to have children?
What would I do if my relationship ended?

like I say bitter experience has hit me with a few of these when I was relatively successful and on the up career wise. Now (despite having a PhD) I’m a dinner lady earning around £4500 a year with one deceased DC and one severely disabled DC who has just lost access to the most important services (respite and therapy) and I’m broken by it all.

If you’re thinking of just being a sahm when kids are young, until school age that’s not so unacceptable - and possibly doable on one salary. Needs to be discussed with hubby. But when they start school what are you going to do all day….will DH be resentful about you not working then?

£110k after pension, tax and student loan will be less than £5k a month for a doctor.

Which is the same as two people earning the average salary of £35k.

My DH is not a surgeon but has a similar income. We’ve had 2 DC in pretty quick succession and I’m on mat leave so not earning much.

We have a nice house in an expensive area, but just one car that we bought cash. We don’t have to count the pennies, we go on a couple of holidays each year and manage to save a bit each month. We could afford to maintain our lifestyle and pay private school fees for one child, but not both (even after I return to work).

I know we’re very privileged to be so comfortable, but I wouldn’t say we have a luxurious lifestyle.

Exactly this. We have a lovely lifestyle with kids on a household income similar to the OP’s.

Oh @Cannongoose💐💐

That is so tough. I’m so sorry.
xx

I think there’s a few things going on here. Firstly, the kind of middle class lifestyle that you might have experienced and was, at one time, open to every educated professional, is not so easily obtained today. It was a product of a particular time period and economic climate. School fees, SAHM, a large family home, perhaps a holiday place or a pony? It’s mainly the lawyers, bankers, financiers and entrepreneurs who can afford to live that way, especially in the South East.

The second thing is that there doesn’t have to be absolutes. Work or not work? It doesn’t have to happen like that. You can take a long maternity leave and a career break, then return to work part time. You might even want that balance. Or you could both work part time. Or have children close together so you get a long period with both of them, then go back to work once they are in school. I can tell you that you will change and feel differently about things as the years pass.

Finally, I would suggest that your DH is a man of strong values and that is pretty priceless.

Housing costs and school fees have the biggest impact on disposable income for professional people so comparisons are largely meaningless without them.

Most private hospitals (Circle Group, Spire, Nuffield etc) offer hip replacements, knee replacements and other orthopaedic work.

My surgeon received a £2000 fee for my operation, the anaesthetist received £800 and the private hospital received the rest.

I work in a private hospital and the demand for private orthopaedic surgery has absolutely exploded in recent years due to NHS waiting lists. Our knee & hip surgeons are doing especially well - quite a few have even been able to quit their NHS jobs and switch to solely private work.

Not sure what to write but I am sorry.

@Yunall Pay careful attention to the above OP, life happens and the economic power of having your own pay packet can be hugely important in ways that you might not now anticipate.

OP, just a heads-up, there are people here who might not know what an orthopedic surgeon does, and some who may not realize how lucrative it can be.

If your DH balances private practice alongside the NHS for humanity points, he can do quite well, but it may take some time depending on the circumstances.

don’t mean to sound like a dick

You failed

@Cannongoose so sorry - sounds like you’ve been dealt some really tough cards. Sending you hugs 🥰

@Yunall just speak to your partner about it! Everyone is in different situations and everyone is wants different things. Your idea of a comfortable life will be different to other peoples. When it comes to kids, most people accept that it’s tough and expensive but temporary in the pre school years. If you want to stay at home when you have kids, do that- Ofc you will have to make sacrifices but your life will change dramatically anyway when you have kids. I don’t think you’re going to get the answers you want / need here

You have two choices, when you have children either continue working or lower your standard of living, earn more or spend less. I haven't much patience with some of the comments on this thread. Some people aren't in touch with most people's reality.
I do accept that your husband works hard and has studied hard and that his field of work doesn't bring in as much as some careers with similar levels of qualification and hard work but you are pretty privileged nevertheless.

I don't think you can have a luxury life on that Salary - depending on where you live, it not that much money.

Depending where you live, no you're probably not going to have an amazing lifestyle on one salary of £110K. That's take home pay of about £72Kpa but is the equivalent of a couple earning £45.5K gross each, to get the same total take home pay. Those aren't high salaries at all.

I get you might want to take time out when kids are young, and I'm sure you'll be able to and will just have to cut your cloth accordingly.

But no, of course you can't enjoy a privileged life style and not work, if your dh is earning a good but not exceptional salary 🙄