If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

[Yunall]

Just wondering as DP is a surgeon (just made consultant). He doesn’t do private work and I would say we have a nice lifestyle but only because my income tops it up. I’m used to a lot of luxury and had a privileged upbringing (don’t mean to sound like a dick I’m just stating a fact) and I wonder if we had kids if I would actually have to continue working to have a decent lifestyle. Not something I talk much to DP about as he came from a less well off background and understandably I would come across ungrateful!!!

All OP has to do, is put her salary away each month and see how they get on. Oh and have a serious conversation with her partner, about how he feels about keeping her financially. Has she been back yet?

we make half of what your husband makes combined and live a comfortable life, holidays twice a year, two cars and 3 bed detached house with 3 kids. what planet are you on??? move out of london fgs.

It depends on the kind of lifestyle you want and whereabouts in the country you live. You say you’re used to luxury which gives us a clue as to the desired lifestyle. £110k single income to raise a family comfortably in London? Not a chance. I’m not familiar with how much an orthopaedic surgeon can earn in private practice, but if he can get his earnings up to £300-400k then you’d have a nice life in London: house in a nice area, multiple children in private school, several holidays a year. So I would research earning potential for his speciality and go from there.

Op is not in London.

@PoppyFleur Not if you were contracted out. It’s less.

I think for your situation, £110k is not enough for you to give up work. But wouldn't your family money (as in your parents money) be used to fund any children's private schools and fancy holidays? Isn't that what usually happens?

It would be ok maybe for a few years, but you wouldn't manage school fees for 2 kids on that.

I don’t think they’ve said anything about paying school fees?

I assumed (wrongly I know) that a person who was raised wealthy, married to a surgeon would choose private schooling.

So, anyone earning more than 35k is 'earning a fortune '??
Btw I am not complaining about my income, I work in the NHS, I earn a decent amount and don't want to be doing private cosmetic dental treatment which is where there is a lot more money to be made.
But I just refuted the fact that the MAJORITY of dentists will be earning hundreds of thousands,AS THIS IS JUST NOT TRUE

There are definitely a lot of private dentists earning a fortune but this does not apply to the majority of dentists.
The majority will be earning nowhere near hundreds of thousands a year.

Oh fair, no hate from me whatsoever as mentioned - just what I saw on social media!

I'm saying that dentists earn considerably over the average and that to most people, a dentist's wage is a fortune. The fact you think that only hundreds of thousands is very well off shows that you are in an extremely privileged financial situation.

@MrsSunshine2b It shows nothing of the kind. Median household disposable income in Uk is £37,600. That’s after tax. It doesn’t mean those who earn more don’t understand this and many will have come from lowly backgrounds. We did. However we have earned what we have by a combination of intelligence, running a business employing people, very hard work. I’m sick of being told I’m privileged which suggests people have done nothing to help themselves and it’s all been handed to them on a plate. Dentists are highly skilled. If everyone could do it, they would. But they cannot. Not everyone can run a successful company and pay a lot of tax. Yes, I’ve checked my privileged tax position that pays for what others don’t pay for but receive. We really need to stop accusing higher earners of having privilege. They pay for what others want but don’t pay for!

@TizerorFizz many higher earners do pay for what others need, and some of those"others" don't pay. But many, many of those 'others' work just as hard, and are just as intelligent, as the high earners, and pay proportionately at least as much.
Not everyone who could be a dentist would be - we all have different strengths, interests, ambitions. Neither your job nor your income is a measure of your intelligence or work ethic compared to anyone else. (While you need both to be a dentist, not being a dentist/doctor/ other high earner doesn't mean you automatically have lower intelligence or less work ethic).

You've progressed from "I don't earn a lot of money" to "OK, I do earn a lot of money but I deserve it more than other people." Maybe one day you'll have the self-awareness to say that you've got where you are from not just your hard work and intelligence but also through luck and the right opportunities coming your way.

While some pensioners qualify for free dental care based on their financial situation, it's not a universal benefit. Not all pensioners are owner occupiers , I live in a poor area and many are in rented accommodation and while they may get some help towards their rent it won't be all of them. The problem with MN is that is sees old people as a homogenous group who all own expensive property, go on endless cruises and never help with childcare. I am a poor pensioner because I was a poor single mum, when you pay for everything you rarely catch up financially. Some people are well off, some are not, this applies to all age groups and demographics . I have the state pension and a small NHS pension and the cost of living has wiped me out and because I am old I cannot increase my income. The cost of everything is breaking me these days, but I know that this affects parents too and is one of the reasons that I donate baby stuff (nappies and baby toiletries) to our local food bank because I have been cold, hungry and skint as young parent. When I read about people "struggling" on 6 figure salaries I want to say "come down and spend a day where i live, see the poverty, the increasing squalor because all the services are broken, see the crumbling schools in my area, the filthy streets"

I'd be reluctant to give up a job paying £80k if your DH is on £110k. Losing £55k a year net is a lot when your husband makes just over £72k net.

'I wonder if we had kids if I would actually have to continue working to have a decent lifestyle.' That would depend on the circumstances, you'd need to provide more information to give us an idea. Are you mortgage free? Do you live somewhere expensive like London? Would your DH be ok with you being a SAHM?

I get the sentiment about not wanting to work though. I never really enjoyed work, it was a means to an end for me. I quit about a year after moving in with my husband as I had got fed up with the hour long commute in traffic every morning and evening. I was initially looking for work closer to my new home but we came to the conclusion there wasn't much point me working long hours and then both spending the weekend catching up on housework, when we were comfortable enough without my financial contributions.

My DH now makes more in day than I ever could in a month. We both prefer traditional gender roles so his business boom has worked out perfect for us.

@MrsSunshine2b Yes. It’s called ambition. It’s how we got a middle class. The workers managed to improve themselves. As the vast majority of doctors are state educated, they are trying to improve themselves. What luck? Why do you have to continually put people down? You make your own luck! You could start a business and be good at it. You could risk everything to make it a success. You could pay yourself virtually nothing in the financial crash so your 100 staff got paid! You have no idea of risk and award and you make opportunities happen by grasping them. Many people get opportunities via educating but millions are not interested in running a company or even working. I’m never going to apologize for success. Plus you need our taxes! Everyone needs the better off to pay for the state.

@TizerorFizz Please stop it!

Your posts reveal what an utter snob you are, and the implication that people on lower salaries in "lesser" job roles (in your view) are lazy and unambitious says a lot about you.

Not everyone can or wants to be a lawyer/banker/stockbroker/other professional not known for their integrity or become a doctor or dentist or work in London. That doesn't make them a failure.

@RampantIvy Why is it snobbish to say what higher earning people provide via taxation? Why is it snobbish to say we need more of them? We want successful people paying taxes! It’s a fundamental economic need. It’s important to learn about risk and return. You have no idea about running a business and what it takes to do it successfully. Where did I say you had to do any of the jobs you list? So childish.

Frankly I care little about being called a snob. I know where I came from but it’s never snobbish to have ambition and stop trolling me! Pretty below the belt!

Perhaps try to be less condescending. The implication that people not on 6 figure salaries haven't worked hard has been picked up by several posters, not just me.

A good friend of mine is on 6 figures (In Rotherham - go figure), but she doesn't imply that everyone else is lazy or hasn't worked hard enough.

74% of pensioners own their homes outright. As an age demographic, they are the least likely to be paying rent. That is a fact. My DF is on a low pension amount - about £12.5k income in total but he manages because he doesn’t have a mortgage/rent, childcare or commuting costs. In fact, he has more income than many of the single mums I know (including those on £100k) once those three big ticket items have been deducted.

Anyone who should about making your own luck doesn’t understand structural and societal barriers faced by many people.
Acknowledging the role of luck or chance in career development doesn’t ignore the need for hard work.

Me either but, like most people, I have to! Maybe I should have married N orthopaedic surgeon 🤷🏼‍♀️