If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

[Yunall]

Just wondering as DP is a surgeon (just made consultant). He doesn’t do private work and I would say we have a nice lifestyle but only because my income tops it up. I’m used to a lot of luxury and had a privileged upbringing (don’t mean to sound like a dick I’m just stating a fact) and I wonder if we had kids if I would actually have to continue working to have a decent lifestyle. Not something I talk much to DP about as he came from a less well off background and understandably I would come across ungrateful!!!

I wouldn't want to live on £110k with children. Especially when its earnt by only one person so more tax

Cant believe someone typed that !
wow !

You sound like a spoilt princess. Grow the fuck up before you have children.

That’s quite a lot of money though. Guess depends on where you live, but assume if you’re outside of London and the surrounding counties that £110k is a lot of money and more than adequate to fund a comfortable lifestyle.

I would say that would be a good salary. However if you are from a privileged background. Will you be expect private school.will this be a stretch would your parents help.many women like being SAHM. This isn't for everyone though.if you don't want to work .how would your DP feel about this.women work for respect. Independence and so on .it would need discussing

Fuck me, the arrogant fuvkwits are out in force.

The entitlement on this thread is breathtaking, are some of you actually aware that there are people out there on the minimum wage doing a perfectly good job of raising a family??

Snobby fuckers.

It may well be that things just haven’t come across very well, but I find this post a little sad and depressing to be honest. You don’t want to work and want to rely on your husbands salary but you don’t seem to have spoken to him about it in any meaningful or intimate way. You’re used to luxury and want that to continue and want to work out if your husband can do enough to provide that. You’re supposed to be a partnership and plan your life together, not one person strategise on how they can not work and still have a life of luxury. And your current plan is that the person who’s not had as privileged upbringing as you should work hard to provide it. I appreciate a post cannot tell the whole story but things have not come across the best in what I’ve read so far. Best wishes.

We have a lovely lifestyle on a similar income. Large 4 bed detached house, 2 nice, less than 3 years old cars, multiple holidays and short breaks a year, no money concerns. I guess if people want more than that it would be a
concern.

Who does?Just crack on and contribute like most other women

My husband’s salary is nothing like £45k. I can only dream about that!

So it’s simple maths, to maintain your present standard of living you need to work.
Even if you continue to work your spending power will reduce as you will need to pay childcare fees, we haven’t discussed what other expenses a baby brings.
Should you choose to become a SAHM you will need to alter your lifestyle considerably.

Living on one salary has to be a joint decision - talk about it with your husband. If he agrees that a parent staying at home for the preschool years is a priority, then you are in the fortunate position to be able to put your entire salary into savings for three to five years before trying to start a family, with the agreement that all money is family money and the saved 240k - 400k (or more with pay rises) can be dipped into once the children arrive. It needs to stretch for whatever period you expect to be primarily a stay at home parent, which presumably depends partly on how many children you're hoping for.

Don't forget that once you stop paid work your pension will be decimated unless you keep paying into a private pension from that saved money.

As you emphasise your privileged upbringing, perhaps you're expecting your parents (potential children's grandparents) to pay private school fees if that's something you are expecting to use - don't forget that this will mean you are essentially hostage to said grandparents if they have any interfering tendencies until all children finish school.

Orthopedic surgeon is very specific but you haven't been back since early in the thread and ypur comments were very flippant - is this even real?

😂 lots of us don’t want to work but have to, if your DH had the same view point and didn’t want to work then you’d have nothing and no choice but to work.
I applaud your DH for sticking to his principles and not doing private work if that is something he strongly believes in.
It sounds like he has truly grafted to get where he is.
We have children, I work part time, we could exist on my DH wage fairly comfortably.
I work for several reasons, my main one is I’d never not want to have ‘my’ own money even though we share finances, but also my wages allow the children to do extra curricular activities, clubs and extra tuition if required.

Doesn't it depend on where you live?

£110k goes a long way in my part of the world.

We don't all live in London or the South east.

Good for him. More doctors should be like that. You should be very proud of him.

@SomeOfTheTrouble But it depends where you live.

In the SE, £110K /£190K(or counting the £80K too?) doesn't go far bearing in mind house prices if you're in your 30s and starting out on the property ladder.
A couple on just his income of £110K would struggle.

You can't get a nice 3-bed family home for under £600K where I am and if you want walking distance of the station (25 mins to London) it's closer to £800K.

Compare that to the NE where you can get a nice 4-bed detached for £350K or less.

We have a similar income although I’m the Doctor and husband is corporate.’I also do not want to work, husband is the main earner and I work part time. My husband wished I could stay at home too, but it’s really not possible to maintain a decent standard of living here on 1 salary.

He needs to do private practice to make proper money. Why doesn’t he agree with it ?

The other option is to go abroad. Go to the Middle East for a few years. An amazing standard of living, lots of wives that don’t work and lots of activities geared towards that. Although, that might not sit well with him either given it’s all private?

My orthopaedic surgeon £200 for a 15 minute private consultation when I checked just now.

I think it's £14k for a hip. Which is a very sought after operation with a waiting list privately.

@Yunall you two need to sit down and have a serious conversation about your life plan. Whether you want children, or will need to move house. Do the math. How much it will all cost.

Factor in SAHM or if working nursery, childcare costs.

we have a nice lifestyle but only because my income tops it up.

So you believe that 110K wouldn't give you a nice lifestyle on its own, and your income of 80K (total 190K) allows you a 'nice lifestyle'?

I presume you are fairly young if you don't yet have children and that you have studied hard to earn 80K at a relatively young age. Do you not find your work rewarding?

Anyway, you live in a different world to me so my opinion probably isn't worth much.

You have just described my exact life. Same profession although he does private. We live very comfortably.

The NHS consultant salary is standard is publically accessible. https://www.bma.org.uk/pay-and-contracts/pay/consultants-pay-scales/pay-scales-for-consultants-in-england

The pay will increase, but not shoot up with seniority. It maxes out under £140K after 14 years as a consultant (so 14 years from now for your husband).

I am on the final paypoint, based just outside London. We could live off my salary alone but we couldn’t our lifestyle if my husband didn’t earn similarly (in a different industry). I get the impression that our lifestyle is much more modest than what you are aiming for. We have good holidays and my child can do the extra-curricular activities they want, but our lives are otherwise cheap. We don’t have very little interest in appearances, so we run one small old car, have no hair or beauty treatments, no expensive clothes or hobbies, and we rarely go out-out. We don’t have a cleaner. Also, part of the reason we are financially comfortable is that we only have one child, and they were born when we were both quite old, so the mortgage had been paid off before any childcare costs started.

One can earn more by taking on extra PAs of work in the NHS or doing private work. If he wants to do private work, please note that he would often have to offer his Trust an extra PA first. I have never had an interest in private work, but my understanding from friends and colleagues that do/have done it is that it is not particularly lucrative any more and it seems like you have to go hard at it to make it worth the cost of hiring rooms/secretarial time/imdemnity.

Ask yourself whether you want to be doing the grunt work at home whilst he is getting burnt out on his non-NHS weekends, barely seeing you or your family trying to keep you in the style to which you wish to be accustomed. It would be a miserable existence for him.

From my end of the career, I think he is very wise to protect himself by not taking on a private practice, aside from any principles.

The other option is to emigrate to a country where doctors are indeed paid royally (but still working hard).

A purely NHS doctor spouse in the UK is not the right choice if you wish to be a kept woman.

(This is aside from any consideration of what would happen if life deals some nasty blows in the future, or any sense of satisfaction you may personally get from work).

Lots of references by posters to her DH but she said DP.
If she's thinking about having children and not working, then plan A needs to be to get married first. Assuming this is a genuine post.

SAHMS are on their own with pretty much any partner in a high flying career. It’s the price you pay to be well off.

When my own DH was at his peak earning potential (airline pilot - £120k per year) I was on my own with DD for 3 weeks at a time whilst he worked abroad. I never felt the need to make myself a SAHM and worked part time around school hours to top up our income. It was perfectly manageable. Having money often equals making uncomfortable sacrifices and not being a lazy SAHM…

Assuming everyone has a plan 4 student loan

on 65k per year combined with 2 kids (Assuming 32.5k each) gives you an effective take home of £53,800 with £2250 child benefit on top so £56k per year
You can also access tax free childcare and free hours

A single earner household on 100k takes home £62.5k

With no subsidised childcare

So they have a WHOPPING £6,450 per year £537 per month more but thats before you factor in childcare.

That's just not fair or right and also hopefully explains that households on 100k ca. have very similar quality of life as those on much lower salaries

SAHM’s are lazy?

OP-I think you should really look at your entitled attitude.
You were fortunate enough to have what you describe as a privileged standard of living in your childhood and seem to think that because you are accustomed to that it should automatically continue.
Why do you deserve this any more than people who were brought up in poverty? Should they just be used to it?
I think being a SAHM with very young children is a valid choice, I did it for 3 years but I had to really economise. (Very old car , one camping holiday in 3 years- just days out). I don't regret it.
I don't disagree that many people would like not to work, to stay at home with their children and still to have a high standard of living but they know that isn't going to happen.
You have a choice, work or reduce your standard of living.
Your partner has principles and it shouldn't all be on him anyway. I suspect you would want a cleaner etc even if you weren't working.