Was I being unreasonable posting about this on FB?

[fortygin]

long story short, I have finally, after 8 years of separation, bought my ex out of my family home. I have been paying all bills/mortgage myself since then so the split of equity was 70/30 to me.
I posted a ‘proud of myself’ post, just stating I’d bought an ex out and would now see this day as a celebration rather than the worst day of my life (I found out about his affair 8 years to the day the mortgage completed).
Well he is livid, someone sent him a copy of the post and Ive been sent a message calling me a fucking juvenile dickhead and to ‘sort it or he will’
I get that it was maybe silly posting on fb and I have never posted anything personal but was just so delighted with myself being in a position to secure this home on my own.
He has threatened legal action as in divorce matrimonial agreement in June I said I had no plans to co habit but did give him a heads up last week that my partner of 7.5 years would possibly be moving in in November. (After looong discussions with my dc who live here 21,19,17 and 14).
wibu?! I’m not in a great place right now.
fb has been deactivated btw

@2025ismybestyear I find it hard to understand myself and if it was someone else, I would tell them to wise up. I know, physically, he wouldn’t hurt me but he knows how to push my buttons and push me to the point of hurting myself. I’ve had multiple rounds of counselling but I still can’t break the hold he has over my mood/wellbeing.

He sounds like a petulant child.
You have a paper trail showing everything you did was above board.
Let him have his mantrum and get it out of his system. Don't give in to his ridiculous threats.

You did NOTHING wrong. Not a thing. You should very definitely have posted your little victory on Facebook, it was completely appropriiate.

I am truly sorry that you have been so abused by him that he has such a grip on you.

He is messaging you with anger in him .
You do have to be careful what you post on socials as they can be used in court cases most solicitors will tell you to not pist anything at all.
This won't come to anything it's all cut and dry now keep moving on and being happy with your new life new beginnings.

Why the need to post everything on FB.
How did people manage before?

I’m sorry OP but he doesn’t get to control you, what you write on FB or anything else in your life. Block him! Put your Facebook back up and fuck fuck fuck him. Who does he think he is still trying to control you. Nothing unreasonable about what you did. I would personally be adding a post speculating who shared that original post with a domestic abuser and put the safety of you and your kids at risk. Nothing funnier than a man who thinks he can do what he likes and then sulks when his ex-wife moves on.

I literally can't see any way he can do anything to cause you damage. From your earlier posts the financial order is sorted, the kids are sorted and the divorce is all but through. If he goes to the police they'll probably laugh at him for being an idiot, if he claims libel, that'll cost him £000s and if what you said is true, he'll lose a case anyway. He can't do anything to you now - you're free and I really hope you can start to enjoy that feeling!

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for pr explain.

You have every right to be proud of yourself to working yourself up to a position where you can buy him out. I dont know you and I am proud of you @fortygin. Congratulations!!! Shout about it from the roof tops!!!

His issue is that it doesn't gel with his story of events...people will see his lies and start to question things he has said. But that is not your issue.

He is an abusive prick and hopefully the police visit will have given him a wake up call. But every time he makes a threat report it. He wants to continue to control you, dont let him!

Thank you all for your support. Had an urgent call this morning with my amazing solicitor who has said ‘let the bastard try’. I
I will get to move on from this and not let things annoy me. I have been referred for counselling but doc has advised that this is a totally normal reaction to what has happened

There's nothing he can do as long as you have been truthful and not misrepresented the situation.
I would though see if your older kids have any thoughts on what you posted. I assume, they still have a relationship with their dad. So you don't want to create issues with your kids.

He’s being a snot- up to you what you post and go you I say!

I was a bit unwise to post this online but then I’m of an age where I don’t understand the need to share personal things on social media - the people who I want to know can be told in person. But his reaction was way over the top and confirms you made the right decision to leave the dickhead. Good luck with your new life xx

@DadBodAlready unfortunately older kids are well aware due to one of their tablets being connected to their dads phone before the affair came to light ( this only came out in counselling) and they have also felt the wrath of his bullying. I do my utmost to nurture a good positive relationship with him

There are ways of wording these things if you really have to. "Proud of myself - new beginnings" or something is all you needed to put. Actually, on reflection, I wouldn't even have put that. Only your true friends and famiy need to know nitty gritty like that, and they surely would already know anyway. For everyone else it's just fulfilling their nosiness urges.

It's seems like a perfectly normal thing to post about to me - it's an achievement!

It's none of his business what you post on sm!

And he can fuck off with making threats! He's just trying to control you!

He has lost control over everyone, that’s why, he is hitting out like a toddler having a tantrum. He has bullied his way through life, his family and everyone has fled.
I would just grey rock him, concentrate on building yourself up, you bought him out of the family home and that is something to definitely celebrate. ❤️

The doc is wrong, it is a trauma response and it has been 8 years since you separated, so no it's not normal to be so terrified of and terrorised by this man. I wish you luck in therapy, you do need to find ways to deal with the trauma he has caused you.

Nah.

Yep, he can fuck off to the moon, then keep fucking off from there. I truly hope that the OP is one day less terrified of him and can enjoy her life and write whatever she wants on her own Facebook, and keep it or get rid of it based on what she wants, not on terror of an abusive ex.

If your FB settings are friends only and not public then why shouldn't you celebrate your achievement with them.

Congratulations on not only cutting this man from your life but getting yourself financially stable and clearly your children are proud of you and admire what you have achieved.

Well done you

@fortygin I probably wouldn’t have posted but you are well within your rights to do so. Especislly if you just made a statement rather than anything inflammatory. I don’t understand why he thinks he can still control you and also it’s interesting to note he has someone filling him in on what you are doing … why does he care? I’d re-instate FB and lock down my settings to ‘friends only’ not ‘friends of friends’ at least.

Why not? If they are old enough to be on Facebook they are old enough to have an understanding of the situation and their mum saying how proud of herself she is for being able to buy the house is hardly something bad that they should not even know about it

I've already answered another poster upthread.

This
You have reason to be proud and he's simply not relevant any more!

Thank you all