Was I being unreasonable posting about this on FB?

[fortygin]

long story short, I have finally, after 8 years of separation, bought my ex out of my family home. I have been paying all bills/mortgage myself since then so the split of equity was 70/30 to me.
I posted a ‘proud of myself’ post, just stating I’d bought an ex out and would now see this day as a celebration rather than the worst day of my life (I found out about his affair 8 years to the day the mortgage completed).
Well he is livid, someone sent him a copy of the post and Ive been sent a message calling me a fucking juvenile dickhead and to ‘sort it or he will’
I get that it was maybe silly posting on fb and I have never posted anything personal but was just so delighted with myself being in a position to secure this home on my own.
He has threatened legal action as in divorce matrimonial agreement in June I said I had no plans to co habit but did give him a heads up last week that my partner of 7.5 years would possibly be moving in in November. (After looong discussions with my dc who live here 21,19,17 and 14).
wibu?! I’m not in a great place right now.
fb has been deactivated btw

Well, he shouldn't have cheated, then he would still be married. If he is struggling, it's entirely his own doing.

Social media causes no end of trouble.

But honestly, I don't see the problem. I put a post on when I bought a house because I was so thrilled and just wanted to share. That's effectively what you've done. It's security for you and your kids (whether grown up or not) for the future. Why shouldn't you?

Reactivate your account and just get rid of the people who are feeding information to your ex.

This is such a non-issue it's unreal.

Well done on buying him out!
As long as the post was factual you've done nothing wrong in posting to your personal page. Sharing it far and wide to humiliate him may be crossing a line but I assume your friends and family already know what he put you through so a post with them celebrating your success is fine.

I'm not personally one for posting about financial stuff, but I'd be tickled pink for a friend or family member who'd bagged themselves some security. Your whole worldview changes when you don't have to worry about the basics so much.

I think it would be a mistake to take your post down. Pandering to bullies encourages them and what's more, this particular bully did a bunk eight years ago. You responded by refusing to sit on your derrière and cry and he's taking that as an affront. Well let him; he ceased to be your concern when he took up with his lady friend. However, in your situation, I'd go through my SM friends list with a ruthless eye and block everyone I thought still had a connection to him. Their sharing of your post was intended to cause you trouble and who needs friends like that?

He's a prick and you can post whatever you like on your FB. Block anyone who is likely to tattle to your ex, you are not a child to be told what to do. And enjoy your home now that it is ALL yours.

He's desperate to try and continue to control your life. You can say what you want on Facebook or anywhere else.

Just block him on everything and tell him if he continues attempting contact you'll get a restraining order against him.

Fuck him. Him and his opinions are nothing to you.

Enjoy your lovely house with your fantastic partner and let him spin.

Fair enough. I realise I see things from a different perspective to most - I’m a SMBC who will never bring a bloke into my DC lives until they are adults .I have unfortunately seen too many mixed households where the kids (often teens) have been emotionally messed around when there has been another break up. But hopefully you will be one of lucky ones - obviously there are always exceptions!

Yes, of course her friends are interested in her news.

What? What would be the point of that? You can't post on your own page with a different name anyway as far as I know. You can post anonymously in groups, but not on your own page.
It's not that personal anyway. Buying a house is normal news for people to share with their friends.

He's angry because your post didn't reflect his narrative Op, he's told people you didn't care he left or you stole his house, that one sentence showed up his lies. Congrats on owning your own home

I wouldn't be bothered by his opinion. It's worthless, as is he. It's a pathetic attempt by him to control the narrative .

Who can see your FB? Friends and family or the public? Someone has obviously not hit your best interests at heart do you may want to review that.
I probably would have posted ‘after 8 years I now fully own my house happy days’ or some such vague thing - those who know would know what I mean. But well done hope you can finally move on.

I think your biggest problem is not your ex. It’s your lack of faith in yourself. You sound like you haven’t yet started to believe that he and his opinions are now completely irrelevant to you, unless they concern your 17 yr old and your 14 yr old.

Well he is livid Well so fucking what? How is that your problem? Why should you care? You aren’t seeking his approval. You don’t need his approval.

someone sent him a copy of the post and Ive been sent a message calling me a fucking juvenile dickhead and to ‘sort it or he will’ He’s threatening the mother of his children over something insignificant to him, and he’s calling you a juvenile dickhead? Who the fuck does he think he is? 😂 He doesn’t get a say in what you can and can’t post! I’m glad you’ve spoken to the police about it. What you also need to do, after years of being convinced that he’s in charge, is start telling yourself that he’s no longer in charge of you. He might still think he is, but he’s wrong. Very, very wrong.

I get that it was maybe silly posting on fb and I have never posted anything personal but was just so delighted with myself being in a position to secure this home on my own Why was it silly? I don’t have fb, but you weren’t airing your dirty laundry, you didn’t name him or tell anyone how abusive he’d been, or what a cheat he was, and it’s not something that would hurt your DC. Fuck him. You’ve achieved something massive. You’re allowed to celebrate that.

He has threatened legal action as in divorce matrimonial agreement in June I said I had no plans to co habit but did give him a heads up last week that my partner of 7.5 years would possibly be moving in in November. (After looong discussions with my dc who live here 21,19,17 and 14) 😂 I can just see it now. ‘Judge, when I left Fortygin after years of subjecting her to abusive behaviour and unfaithfulness, she said that she had no plans to live with anyone, and now she’s just told me she might choose to live with someone in the future. It’s outrageous that she isn’t living alone for the rest of her life and I want compensation as I feel I’ve been deceived. If I thought she was ever going to be happy again, I never would have let her buy me out’ 😂😂 Fuck off you twat! Let him threaten you with whatever he likes. Go and stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that he has no say in what you choose to do. None at all. He’s ridiculous. Laugh at him because he’s pathetic. He doesn’t like that he’s lost control over you. You just need to start believing it.

wibu?! I’m not in a great place right now No, of course you weren’t being unreasonable. You just have to start believing that you’re free of him.

fb has been deactivated btw Why? If you want to have a fb account, that’s your choice. The only other person who has any sort of input in that decision is Mark Zuckerberg. Every other person on the planet can go fuck themselves, including your ex. Barring libellous or slanderous statements, you can post whatever you bloody like. So please reactivate your account. If he contacts you again, then tell him that you have zero interest in communicating with him unless it directly concerns the youngest two children and any threats will be reported to the police. And then grey rock him for anything else other than child related communications.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong- his ego is bruised from you publicly celebrating (and you have every right to be!) it’s been 8 years and you are now free! I would shout it from the rooftops!! Well done!

he also doesn’t get to kick off about your DP moving in- it’s your house and your rules- he gets no say, unless you signed something to that effect?? So he’s basically angry that he didn’t get to control you further and forbid you from moving your partner in as he didn’t know!! Did he think you were never going to live with anyone ever again??

Good. I was going to suggest that.

I’d be posting one for the “spies” with a rude emoji. His message says everything, he is still trying to control and gas light you. Can you block him out of your life? No text or email contact. He can go through his solicitor.

Congratulations on getting through it all. It’s a massive step forward after so long with someone.

I have old friends on Facebook who I very rarely see, and would certainly not expect to receive a message from them in this sort of situation, but I would still be really pleased to see a post like this from them. You absolutely should be so proud of yourself!! I certainly would be in your shoes and would be telling everyone!

Tell him to pound sand - it isn’t his house. And I’m glad you’ve reported him to the police. Hopefully something good comes out of that!

Oh, and if not done so already, change the locks and put up cameras (Aqara, Ring etc.) just in-case his threat comes true.

you could block him,
he is sending you private messages?
do you need any contact with him?

Block him. What an idiot. You had no plans to cohabit 8 years ago! Unless you've entered a convent since then, you're allowed to move on.
Congratulations.

Well done you - I'm not surprised you felt proud of your achievements. Your post will give hope to others out there who are going through the same emotional crap.

As for your ex - he sounds like a complete and utter 🔔 end who thinks he can still control and threaten you after all these years.

You are far better person than he will ever be OP. Sometimes, when you walk the path of life, you tread in a pile of sh!t. You need to wipe it off the sole of your shoes, carry on walking, and leave the sh!t behind in the gutter, where it belongs.

Don’t call her lady!!
Congratulations you should be proud of yourself!
Your husband is obviously a bully and resents your happiness - that’s a win in my opinion, you’ve obviously got under his skin.

You separated eight years ago and he thinks that he can still control you? Fuck that.

Congratulations on achieving your financial independence and on moving on with your life. He had the affair and he's still living with the woman with whom he had it. He lost the high moral high ground a long time ago.

If he doesn't like the end result, perhaps he should have remembered he was married in the first place.

Congratulations OP.
Your Facebook. Post whatever you want.

He's allowed to move in with his affair partner into a house that his parents bought him but you are not allowed to move your partner of 7 years post breakfup into YOUR home or he will "sort it".

He can fxxx off.

However, it would be wise to be more prudent about FB in future. Check out some you tube tutorials on FB privacy controls. then he can't chase you off FB or make you deactivate.
I believe you can set the audience for that post ( I know you can for future posts) so that it excludes anyone suspicious. Boot off the spy and cull your friends list.

Enjoy your achievement and your lovely children.

I'm a bit horrified at how many of you are agreeing with an abusive man that OP separated from eight years ago, and who isn't even on her social media.

She can post what she fucking likes.