Was I being unreasonable posting about this on FB?

[fortygin]

long story short, I have finally, after 8 years of separation, bought my ex out of my family home. I have been paying all bills/mortgage myself since then so the split of equity was 70/30 to me.
I posted a ‘proud of myself’ post, just stating I’d bought an ex out and would now see this day as a celebration rather than the worst day of my life (I found out about his affair 8 years to the day the mortgage completed).
Well he is livid, someone sent him a copy of the post and Ive been sent a message calling me a fucking juvenile dickhead and to ‘sort it or he will’
I get that it was maybe silly posting on fb and I have never posted anything personal but was just so delighted with myself being in a position to secure this home on my own.
He has threatened legal action as in divorce matrimonial agreement in June I said I had no plans to co habit but did give him a heads up last week that my partner of 7.5 years would possibly be moving in in November. (After looong discussions with my dc who live here 21,19,17 and 14).
wibu?! I’m not in a great place right now.
fb has been deactivated btw

@fortygin Aww don’t let him tarnish this achievement.

Repeat after me “Fuck him…Fuck his opinion…Fuck him” oh and “Fuck the negative Nelly’s in this thread”

Now that we’ve taken care of that… get your FB account activated again and post “Great new day…the world is my oyster and Fuck anyone that feels differently”.

Now on this statement “but I can’t see a time where I will get peace” Did you think all of those years ago you’d be in a position to buy him out of your home? You worked damn hard to get to this point, but you did it. It may be more hard work to get him out of your head but you are certainly most capable of doing it. It may take time… it may take effort, it may seem impossible at times, but you can and dare I say will do it.

@saltinesandcoffeecupsthank you for that, I need it atm.

I’m sorry but that was really embarrassing on you to do that. I never understand how people say that they never post and go and do something like this. I always feel like they’re lying. Why would your go to first reaction be to post on FB?
anyway it’s clear to anyone who you meant, so that was very immature of you and probably doesn’t paint you in a very good light too.

@hmmimnotsurewhy are you my ex or his lady? 🤔 He has accused me of ‘lying’ not sure how as the financial disclosure during the divorce prooves I’m not.
Thanks for the kick whilst I’m down though.

I completely disagree. It's been a decade since my ex fucked off with ow and over the years as I have achieved things like a house purchase, a new job, something tough with the kids, things that were a big deal as a SP, I would post on FB and get lots of validation and support..I don't live near most of my friends and see them in RL rarely. I never ever mentioned him or referenced that I was doing these things alone but people knew and supported me.

@fortygin forget FB, too many people looking over your shoulder. If you need a space to vent then do it here or somewhere else where you can be anonymous. It's not the same I expect but it keeps arseholes like your Ex at bay

Congratulations to you firstly OP, you must be very happy 😊
Secondly, whomever sent your ex your post is a shit stirring wanker.

Your ex is probably angry that he cannot control you anymore and that you have a new partner. Sod him. Reactivate your FB and enjoy your life ❤️

Hey op ignore the negative comments on here. you have done well why shouldn’t you be proud of yourself it’s your Facebook page. Well done. I would be more concerned about who sent him it. So called friend? Next time just tell him to go fuck himself how dare he tell you what to do. None of his bloody business.

Post what you like, women are always expected to keep a dignified silence and behave in a way that doesn't make anyone uncomfortable. His behavior turned you and your children's worlds upside down I'm sure. He can suck up a Facebook post or can fuck off you can say what you like about his infidelity and your house purchase, did you get a say in his behavior? I'm sure it was humiliating for you? And now he thinks he has a right to control you? I'd reply saying he has say in your social media and what you choose to say and his message is threatening and you have screenshot it and will report him to police if he does anything further. Good for you, I really admire you achieving this and why the hell should you keep quiet and nice, do what you bloody well like you earned and reclaimed that freedom from this twat

I’d do another post with screenshots of his messages, the dick.

Id also report him to Facebook for threats, and depending on how petty you want to be, also the local police

His infidelity wasn’t mentioned, there was a reference to the worst day of my life.

I too think the problem not lies with FB, but rather who is on your friends list who showed him your post! You need to remove that person or place them on the restricted list, which I do with people I “know” but are not on personal terms with.. then change your posting privacy to only friends.

I will say though as a friend to a (childless) couple who separated last year, and who along with DH has tried to remain supportive to both, it’s been a stretch at times and I don’t see our friendship going the distance.

We have seen a side to one party we hadn’t seen before, and it’s not nice. I suspect there’s someone else lurking in the shadows for the ‘right time’ to come forward.

it didn’t sit well in hindsight to realise the partner who had the property appraised several months before the separation, had done so as part of the process and not to progress together from the information gained. It’s actually felt that the behaviour has been incredibly sly and covert.

I mention this as I think it’s normal for friends to ‘pick a side’ one way or another. You just have to work out who isn’t in your team…

Good! You no longer live under the cat’s paw do you do not have to put up with his shit.

This OP.

the fact you felt strong enough to share that is amazing. Don’t let him force you to deactivate a private personal space. Clear out the shit, and you be you.

sometimes the truth hurts. Hence his reaction.

@fortygin Your ex doesn’t care about you or what you wrote on FB, he only cares about looking like a dickhead in front of your FB community. Congratulations to you on successfully picking yourself up. You should feel incredibly proud, you are an absolute star and I wish you all the very best.

Ps: make like your namesake and have a huge gin!

Why on earth did you tell him about your boyfriend moving in.. why did you feel you had to, needed to?

Legal action about you saying how proud you are to have bought him out of the house?😆 What utter bullshit. Tell him if he doesn't fuck off and treat you with respect you'll post about his affair. The nerve of this bastard.

We have no real friends in common but I’ve a feeling I know how he found it. I had tagged a good friend who has been beside me all along and ,in fact, had to break pass on the news and evidence of the affair to me. She was contacted by his lady friend’s best friend who was able find her as they had a friend in common. After a bit of research it seems anyone who you tag, their friends can see the post.
fuck them, I wouldn’t think to look at any of his socials anymore, last time I did was 7.5 years ago and he had in his bio that he was a ‘single father in training!!’.

He lost her because he was having an affair. He deserves no sympathy whatsoever. Why did you assume he is struggling? Even if he was it would be his own fault.
Also, what do you mean by he is implicated? She said she bought him out. That implicated him in what exactly?

@2025ismybestyear because he went ballistic when I blindsided him with divorce papers. Whe had come to an agreement te divorce financials etc and I thought he deserved to know what the plans would eventually be. I thought he would want to be reassured that our dc were ok with the plan but he was more interested in saying I had lied when I said I had no plans at present to cohabit or remarry (I didn’t at that time but dc had asked why my partner wasn’t living here and after long discussions, we made a plan for the end of the year. His two adult dc also wanted to move out on their own (he’s had full custody of them most of their life) and have decided to stay in their family home and pay a token rent)

Don't let some trollass bullshit get you down. You did nothing wrong.

Its a bit "just me an the kids from now on inbox me hun worlds full of snakes"

But beyond being an ick i dont see the problem

@fortygin I still don't see why you felt you had to tell him. He is meaningless to you now in the eyes of the law and emotionally so stop giving him control.

@TesChique haha defiantly not posted in that tone. My kids would slap me lol. As someone commented ‘I was a testament to those who knew my story and gave hope’. It was I’ll thought out and a moment of madness/pride. I still don’t deserve the mast threats I got though