Was I being unreasonable posting about this on FB?

[fortygin]

long story short, I have finally, after 8 years of separation, bought my ex out of my family home. I have been paying all bills/mortgage myself since then so the split of equity was 70/30 to me.
I posted a ‘proud of myself’ post, just stating I’d bought an ex out and would now see this day as a celebration rather than the worst day of my life (I found out about his affair 8 years to the day the mortgage completed).
Well he is livid, someone sent him a copy of the post and Ive been sent a message calling me a fucking juvenile dickhead and to ‘sort it or he will’
I get that it was maybe silly posting on fb and I have never posted anything personal but was just so delighted with myself being in a position to secure this home on my own.
He has threatened legal action as in divorce matrimonial agreement in June I said I had no plans to co habit but did give him a heads up last week that my partner of 7.5 years would possibly be moving in in November. (After looong discussions with my dc who live here 21,19,17 and 14).
wibu?! I’m not in a great place right now.
fb has been deactivated btw

Exactly this. He’s bullshitted his whole family and this post has exposed his lie.

congrats to you OP! Incredible achievement, I’m proud of you and I don’t even know you.

Oh he doesn’t live with his partner. He stays less with her now than he did when they were having the affair (he was staying away from the family home during the week with his aunt as he wanted to ‘find himself’)

Congratulations on owning your own house.
Maybe see a solicitor so claims cannot be made on it in the future. Make sure your house is secure with you and your DC for inheritance.

I think unless you want to faff about with settings to make sure certain posts are only shown to close family and friends, that you should avoid saying anything negative about anyone, I know you didn't directly name him, but still better not to reference it.

Take buying the house out as an opportunity to back away from contact with him. Why are you discussing that your partner may be moving in with you with your ex? Your youngest child is 14 so the amount of discussion you have with him should be minimal and only about the children. Deactivating your Facebook is an overaction. I would re-activate it and fill it with posts showing you looking happy and doing fun things, without ever mentioning you ex of course. Let the mole among your Facebook friends report back to him that your having a great life without him.

@Washingupdone done! Home ringfenced for my wee families future (or my old ages care !)

I would be more interested in which 'friend' had sent screen shots of your Facebook! You can post whatever you like, ignore him. But I'd definitely be scrutinising who has access to your private life

It's got fuck all to do with him what you post on Facebook.

You don't need to deactivate you just need to sniff out the spy.

And I agree with a PP. He's very likely have been telling people you screwed him out of the house and all sorts . Your post shows him up.

Just seen your update. Financials are done. Fuck him sideways. None of his business what you post from here on. There was no mention of him, only your achievement, he’s got nothing to whine about.

Fuck him

It's not your responsibility to manage his emotions. He has no control over what you do, say, post, shout, communicate. Block him, then he wont fucking see it.. Sorted it for you now fk off you cheating rat.

👋

Right. Feel so sorry for the OP, he is still controlling her 8 years later and over a little nothing post. How dare she ever be happy again, or have her own opinions, or be pleased with her progress.

I really really hope she has opened FB, and just deletes any comments and people who harass her about her perfectly acceptable post.

With such a commitment to privacy on social media it must have been a wrench to share such a personal detail about your financial situation on this social media site. What a truly mean-spirited post.

There’s nothing tacky or ‘dirty laundry’ about being proud that you’ve worked hard and achieved the security of a home for yourself and your children after a major upheaval. Good on you OP. I imagine your ex husband has a different narrative he shares about this and is annoyed for that reason. Don’t let his attitude or desperately unpleasant comments like the above take the shine off your achievement.

Thanks for all the comments, positive and negative, I’ve been trying to step away from things for my own sanity but the new day has had me waking up extremely anxious and panicky. Realistically I know he can do nothing to me but, still, I get extremely nervous when he does things like this. The last two times I got abusive messages like this were 1) when I filed for divorce without forewarning him and 2) when I asked for £10 per week over the holidays to buy extra snack for the kids as they were all off and even when they stayed at his (2 stayed 3 nights per week and 2 stayed 1 night a week) they are dropped back by 9am, he said no so I contact cms for maintenance.

He's an arse Op, he still thinks you should defer to him and let him control you even after 8 years. In six weeks you'll be divorced, have a lovely day out to celebrate

Continue to log everything with the police. Stress you are afraid for your safety.
Ask to make a statement.
You would be amazed how a visit from the police can put bullys like him back in their box.
Bullys do not like to be exposed.
Shine a light on his behaviour so that he knows he will be held accountable for it.

Police have spoken to him as it was seen as a domestic

It will take awhile not to be affected by his threats or manipulation. I used find the intro song from Malcolm in the middle series, ‘You’re not the boss of me now’, on YouTube, and sing it 😊

@SpryCat thank you. I’m not sure how he has the control over me that he has and I wish I could release myself. It sounds dramatic and maybe it’s just part of who I am but I can’t see a time where I will get peace and the only thing keeping me here are my children because I know they love and need me.

Bless you @fortygin You’ve done nothing wrong and everything right. You are a great example of strength and have shown your children what an Adult looks like. Think about asking your GP for a referral to counselling to help you overcome those feelings he has left you with. He has no control over you now, you just need to believe it. Nothing he can do or say need affect you. Live your life how you want. Share it with who you want on FB or anywhere you choose. You deserve it.

Posting this kind of personal
stuff on SM is definitely not the sort of thing I would ever do…anyone who needed to know would already know! What is point of posts of posts saying ‘well done!?’ I can’t imagine who would care tbh…but then, I have needed validation from others 🤷🏼‍♀️ how sincere is a quick ‘good luck/well done…and a few emojis?

@tuvamoodyson spot on. My mistake posting an update, not mentioning him
nor what he done. Lesson learned. Unfortunately a LOT of people have helped me or seen me at my lowest and on my knees during the last decade and a half dealing with his treatment of me and YES, I wanted to shout from the roof tops about how well I’ve done to get here.
leason learned, Facebook is deactivated and I’ve no plans to reactivate it other than to download the 20 years of photos.
That being said, this is the most recent in a long line of perceived wrongdoings and threats of retribution and promising to make me pay. (Filing for child maintenance - cancelled because it wasn’t worth the abuse, asking him why my kids told me he made them get out of bed to clean up a mess and asking him why one of our dc told school she was scared to tell him she had failed an exam to name a few).

Then I’m glad you’re shot of him! However, personally, I wouldn’t have posted my private info on SM regardless! People post stuff like ‘go girl’ and ‘💪’ and swiftly move on and don’t really care…

You've clearly been through an awful time. But if you are currently feeling that the only thing keeping you here is your children, it does sound like you really really need some supportive therapy to help you work through this... Please talk to your GP and get some help. Your children do love and need you, but you also need to take care of your self, both for your own benefit and theirs. Claim back the whole of your freedom.

Your children will soon be old enough to decide whether to have as much contact as they currently do. It doesn't sound good that your DD is scared to tell him she has failed an exam. People are allowed to fail. That's how they learn. Exams can be re taken. She shouldnt be afraid.

And do claim CMS... its fab for him 8 years on to be so abusive that you are afraid to claim, isn't it. Its a ploy that works. A real get out clause. Gather your evidence. Speak to CMS and see what can be done. Report him if necessary.

ps. Don't deactivate your FB account because of this bully. Just adjust the privacy settings and ditch the non "mutual" friends. Its easy to find full instructions on how to do this on You Tube.. just pick the most recent one.

You can post whatever you like on your Facebook but you clearly have a snake in the grass on your friends list.

You should feel proud and your long term ex should keep his mouth shut.