DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

[Sickofmen12]

I have some health problems but I have weeks on end when I manage ok. 3 school age DC. We have a teenage babysitter to help if needed if I have a flare up. DH cannot help - profession where he can’t take time off without lots of notice.

DH and I were talking about a day trip to the beach and he said we will have to take babysitter. I asked why, and he said that I’m not well enough to run around with the DC on the beach (alas, probably true) nor can he (he has a few health issues, but he goes running for fitness).

YABU- DH was just trying to help, bringing in help so you didn’t have to do anything. You’re lucky

YANBU - it would be so awkward, paying a teenage babysitter for hours to be squeezed on the backseat with your kids and then run around on the beach in a cute swimsuit and you look awful due to your illness as your husband thinks you’re incapable of looking after your own kids alonee, even when he’s there.

Relaxed is maybe not the right word, as I never found holidays particularly relaxing with children (including one with SN that required one of us to be with them at all times), but I wouldn't want to have to moderate what I'm saying, for example, because there's someone else with us.

I get that, it's a factor, but it's only one thing to be weighed up against other practicalities. Again if that's the top priority, then maybe go somewhere other than a beach, where the other factors won't be an issue.

Or maybe there will be!

Thinking about the DC's point of view, when me and my brothers were children we had a few regular babysitters. My dad was great fun on the beach (mum not so much though she provided good sandwiches and was ace at building sand castles) but the babysitters would have been even better. They loved to play with us and had great energy and imaginations.

Glad you enjoyed the joke. Though, reading this thread, I can imagine taking a 19 year old down the beach with you is good baby-sitting money. Most of us can only dream of such things. Lol!

How bad are your health problems. Becuase the beach can be very dangerous if you can't run after your kids if they are running towards the ocean. Our beach days give me panick attacks trying to make sure the kids don't drown.

I would take the babysitter but then give her a few hours to have a break so you could all be alone if you are well enough. Better to have her and not need her than the other way round.

Is it because you think he fancies her?

If not I don't understand why it's such a worrying thing to suggest. Surely it's fine for her to take up one seat in the car if there's still enough space for you, DH and kids?

But ultimately if you don't want her there then just say no. He should respect your wishes if you're adamant.

But I wouldn't take it as some terrible aside against you, or that he's desperate to shag her. It could be very helpful?

It’s quite obvious from your post that this about your insecurities, which I do appreciate must be difficult in your position.

I don’t think he’s thinking to perv on the baby sitter and actually being thoughtful, but I would just decline his offer if it’ll make you feel uncomfortable as you’ll likely end up causing an argument if she comes over things you are over analysing.

Hopefully the kids can entertain themselves l? How old?

Surely the children can do most of the running around? Most parents don't need to chase after them unless they're toddlers or babies?

He goes running for fitness so he can run

I don’t think you’re being oversensitive at all and I would feel exactly the same. When I was 19, older men would always try it on with me on dating apps or when I went out.

I’m mid twenties now but I would not like the thought of a partner of mine suggesting to bring a 19 year old presumedly in a bikini to the beach for a family day out.

Why do you keep saying they are male? Op has said she’s female

Ah, mumsnet you never let me down. 4 posts it took until someone decided the man wanted to sneak off into the sand dunes and shag the babysitter. Honestly.

Same, and what if you run out of drinks or kids want an ice cream? Will dh have to take them with him to keep them safe as how quickly they can run into the water or just off always gives me the absolute fear!

I corrected this a few minutes afterwards and apologised for not reading the post properly

I agree.

Someone’s being really creepy here, and I suspect it may not be the husband.

Unless there’s a back story to this, which I suggest there isn’t as in that case they’d not still be using this babysitter at all.

People with money do this all the time. Paid help is normal.

If your DH can run for fitness why can’t he play with the kids?

Sorry, I’m still scrolling I haven’t seen that bit yet 🙂

Unless your husband has given you reason to think this way, that's a really insulting thing to think and also pretty gross of you to sexualise a teenager. If you don't want her there, then that's fair, but I can understand that your DH doesn't feel overly comfortable having to try to look after 3 small children and you at the same time, especially on the beach where there are quite a lot of dangers.

Beaches are full of hazards for small kids. That trip will be less difficult if you have an extra person with you.

For a family day without extra help, have a think around local ish museums/ National Trust places / maybe theme parks where there isn't water and is some level of shelter from rain / heat.

18 and 21

So this is more about the fact DH drops the ball on engaging with his kids?

You think he'd be fine with the kids at the beach if he could be bothered, that his health issues would not actually stop him keeping them safe and happy? But he always has an excuse not to actually do the grunt work of parenting - his work, he's tired, having to do his work and yours because of the flare up, etc. When you're well it all falls to you and when you're not he generally covers the gaps by sticking them in front of the TV or something?

If this is the case, YANBU if you're correct about his capability, but could you be wrong? And will he step up without the babysitter there, or will the kids just have a miserable time?

I’m assuming he sees said babysitter in normal day clothes? Is he a weird perv who can’t see a very young woman in a swim suit without getting the urge?

People (well, rich people) take Nannie’s / childminders on holiday all the time. Albeit in their case they probably can’t be bothered to put the effort in with the kids.

In your case this is a perfectly sensible idea to make up for your health issues. The kids and you will be benefit from it.

Frankly, you just sound insecure about your ability to be a normal parent kids, which is pointless, you can’t.