DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

[Sickofmen12]

I have some health problems but I have weeks on end when I manage ok. 3 school age DC. We have a teenage babysitter to help if needed if I have a flare up. DH cannot help - profession where he can’t take time off without lots of notice.

DH and I were talking about a day trip to the beach and he said we will have to take babysitter. I asked why, and he said that I’m not well enough to run around with the DC on the beach (alas, probably true) nor can he (he has a few health issues, but he goes running for fitness).

YABU- DH was just trying to help, bringing in help so you didn’t have to do anything. You’re lucky

YANBU - it would be so awkward, paying a teenage babysitter for hours to be squeezed on the backseat with your kids and then run around on the beach in a cute swimsuit and you look awful due to your illness as your husband thinks you’re incapable of looking after your own kids alonee, even when he’s there.

We have 2x teen sisters who babysit for us through the year (4 kids) and took them on holiday with us to France last year. They got a free holiday, we got to go out for dinner when we wanted to and I never once thought about my husband perving on them.

It sounds more like you are projecting your own insecurities for your lack of a sex life onto him? I dont mean to sound rude but have you considered perhaps seeing a counsellor or having couples therapy?

I think that YANBU but not because of the swimsuit thing people are focussing on but because it seems that your husband doesnt want to step up.

Its coming to me as "Wife cant, I cant be arsed, so lets pay the babysitter".

Why cant he look after his own kids? If he runs then clearly he is fit enough.

Sounds like he expects you to do all the parenting and if you cant he would rather pay another woman to do it than do it himself.

It’s very normal to take an au pair on holiday. My parents did it, I did it. Makes for a much easier holiday.

It making you feel insecure is a different issue.

Teenagers don't destroy marriages, the men do. If you don't trust your husband, tell him. Don't mention the poor teenage child who is helping, running in cute swimsuit. You can be her mother, be protective if your husband is a sleaze, not jealous of a child with some growth

Surely he’s capable of running around after them if he goes running?

Not only this but imagine, in the recent heatwave we went to our closest nice sandy beach and two 20 something ladies with thongs and bikini just bent and twerked. I am sure many men ( including women ) pretended this went unnoticed.

lol, pm if you were at the same time, at the same beach LOOOOOOL

Makes you wonder what his issues are

Why he can’t ?

Depends on age of children though? I'd imagine anyone would struggle to keep a 4month old, an 18 month old and a 4yo all safe on a busy beach by the sea! What happens when one needs the loo, or nappies need changed?

We don't know the ages of the children. We don't know if they have any kind of special needs. We know the husband runs but has health issues, how often does he run? Maybe he only runs when he's able. Maybe he's looking at taking his kids for a day at the beach after working all week and would like some help wrangling them that the OP can't provide. There's not enough information to determine that he's in the wrong.

I'd say it's a perfectly reasonable suggestion. Me and DH are in perfect health (touchwood) and yet we still find it exhausting running around after DC. They each take off in different directions, with steely determination, so we have to have one adult following each child.

That said, YANBU to think it would be awkward and to say no.

It’s in the first post

3 school aged children

so youngest is 4/5 possibly older plus 2 older ones

so not 3 under 4

I think it sounds like a really good idea.

That doesn't really tell you how old they are though does it? It could be three four-year-olds. It could be a 4-year-old a 5-year-old and a 6-year-old. It could be a 14-year-old 15-year-old and a 16-year-old. School age pretty much ranges from 4 to 18.

True tho if go to school and no sen as hasn’t been mentioned then should be capable of listening and obeying esp on busy beaches

Well at one level the help might be useful- but there are several points to make.

1/ Your DC are school age, no one really needs to be running after them, unless they are particularly unruly.
2/ Why is your DH questioning your (and his ) ability to control your DC.
3/ If your DH runs for fitness I don't see why he could not run after the children if it were necessary.
4/ If 1/, 2/ and 3/ are the case why does your DH want to pay to take your babysitter on a private family outing?- it sounds as if there might be an ulterior motive which has been wrapped in concern for you- rather creepy if so.

Has anyone ever wondered how on earth single parents go on outings? Or does everyone think they stay cooped up in the house, for safety reasons?

I'm sure that they do everything on their own but if you had an option to make it easier wouldn't you?

What size car do you have? How will you get four in the back seat?

He’s not saying he can’t buy 3 kids open water and low mobility partner, why not bring an extra pair of hands.

otherwise if he’s off to the toilet with one and one decides to ignore OP and run off or stay paddling it’s an issue.

3 kids and a currently disabled partner most people would bite your hand off for extra help male or female.

Why is slogging it out on your own seen as the best option when you don’t have to and can afford help?

While I have a lot of agreement with this perspective, when it comes to your children if you don't ever slog it out you don't build a decent relationship with them. And it seems like OP has some concern that her DH never slogs it out.

Really? I don't know anyone taking a baby-sitter on vacation. In OPs case it makes sense because she's got health problems and her Dh is a lazy fucker and possibly a perv according to OP.

I wouldn’t even want to go ! I’m stunned at most of the comments too. 4 kids over here and not only have I took them as far as New York on my own, I’ve had them at the beach, parks etc myself on more occasions than I could count.

I honestly think there’s absolutely no need for all this extra help for a day out with school aged children to the beach. As a woman this would utterly kill any confidence I had to know the 19 year old needs to come along be paid and sort the kids while I just sat there. I think it sounds like a horrendous day out. Perhaps think of something that you can all do that won’t need a babysitter.

My gran was one of 16 and her mother managed on her own, people have become crazy with all this needing extra help. I completely understand everyone’s different but I’m possibly just too independent.

Yep really. An au pair or nanny is slightly different to a babysitter as they are live in or long term. But at the end of the day it’s just childcare.

I’ve never taken a babysitter but for a daytrip within the UK but I certainly might have done if I were in OP’s position and they were sensible and responsible.

Manage and get through it safely, yes, but it is stressful constantly monitoring for hazards etc. if another affordable person was free to join me and I had the spare cash I'd be very happy to pay for someone to help so that I could have a little rest myself too- still play with the kids but help changing them all etc while ensuring one doesn't wwander off and helpful if one wants to go in the sea while the other needs the loo and the other wants to collect shells. it's all on DH otherwise.

Op you're clearly feeling shit about your beach body as are most mums of three there. Any beach will have slim pretty teenage girls on it, as well as buff toned young muscly males too. What you really need to clarify is if this is a you issue, or DH has ever made you feel he's comparing you to a teen babysitter?