Page 11 | DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/07/2025 08:05

MoveOverToTheSea · 19/07/2025 08:31

For those who are saying he just want to make the day as nice as possible, if it was a mother who was taking a babysitter with her because looking after her own 3 dcs is too hard work etc etc would you find it normal?

im pretty sure she’d be judged instead. And people would ask why she had that many kids if she can’t look after them and automatically need support….

My friend is a single mum to three kids one with adhd. She rarely does anything like this without her mum or auntie helping her, and she is a truly competent mum.
When we did a trip together she couldn't go to the mall alone, I had to have one of her kids stay with me and my baby, for her to feel able to go.
No one judged her (well I didn't anyway) - she knows what trips are like and keeping them all under control and not wandering off is really stressful for her- of course she can do it but it's not enjoyable.

ExhaustedElephant · 21/07/2025 08:12

My 19-year-old babysits for a lovely family. If the mother posted something like this here about her in a swimsuit, I would advise her to stop babysitting ASAP. Gross.

ETA I may have got confused about the sex of the babysitter. Will read again!

But OP you need to work out what is best for the whole family, and try and keep your own insecurities out of this.

HevenlyMeS · 21/07/2025 08:17

Yes I believe the problem is she's, immensely understandably, somewhat self conscious due to her health
Therefore she's most likely suspecting her husband might well be attracted to this younger babysitter 🙏

HevenlyMeS · 21/07/2025 08:22

Yes unless she's got good reasons to feel insecure, then the problem lies with the husband being untrustworthy
It's always nice to put ourselves in others shoes & think how we'd feel if our partners gave us cause to feel self conscious
He might not have, but oftentimes men whom have wandering eyes, can make their women feel less than
Can only have compassion for her, if this is the case 🙏

Summerlovin24 · 21/07/2025 09:09

Yanbu
He's being lazy. Sounds like too much work for him without another pair of hands.

OlderMumSendHelp · 21/07/2025 09:15

Summerlovin24 · 21/07/2025 09:09

Yanbu
He's being lazy. Sounds like too much work for him without another pair of hands.

They have three school aged children, and a mother whip can’t run after them. What if (god forbid) something happened and two children went running in different directions? If one got hurt and the husband was busy looking after them? If they want food, who’s going to sit on the beach with them while the husband goes to get food?

Littleredraincoat · 21/07/2025 09:38

I did babysitting for a few families growing up. Id regularly get asked to do days out, kids parties and things to be an extra pair of hands or run around with the kids. Never thought it was anything beyond being an extra set of eyes and hands

CthulusMum · 21/07/2025 12:17

why did I never think of doing this, it is a marvellous idea, thank you so much.

AvidJadeShaker · 21/07/2025 13:01

Littleredraincoat · 21/07/2025 09:38

I did babysitting for a few families growing up. Id regularly get asked to do days out, kids parties and things to be an extra pair of hands or run around with the kids. Never thought it was anything beyond being an extra set of eyes and hands

This is exactly what I did.

steff13 · 21/07/2025 13:26

beAsensible1 · 21/07/2025 03:43

Why is slogging it out on your own seen as the best option when you don’t have to and can afford help?

Right?! You don't have the moral high ground for choosing to struggle when you don't have to.

BrendaSmall · 21/07/2025 14:04

Sickofmen12 · 19/07/2025 09:38

Thank-you everyone for the view points. The issue is more about me wanting intimacy and privacy because we rarely do anything as a family, and feeling like DH doesn’t accept and understand that I feel like this, and DH upping his game in looking after the kids on a leisure day. He’s got his own trips lined up this summer.

Babysitter is 19, paid properly and she herself isn’t the issue and she’s lovely. DH isn’t interested in her romantically. I don’t want to give him ideas with seeing her in a swimsuit though, when I don’t give him any action right now due to being unwell.

You sound very insecure, worried that if your husband sees the babysitter in a costume it will give him ideas!!??
Not everyone who goes to the beach wears swimming costumes 🤣 and I’m sure if she did, she wouldn’t be the only one !!

LillyPJ · 21/07/2025 16:08

Littleredraincoat · 21/07/2025 09:38

I did babysitting for a few families growing up. Id regularly get asked to do days out, kids parties and things to be an extra pair of hands or run around with the kids. Never thought it was anything beyond being an extra set of eyes and hands

Exactly. And very few people have considered that it might be more fun for the DC if the babysitter was there! My mum hated the beach and couldn't be in the sun (she came with us but had to sit in the shade all day) so it was up to Dad to keep us safe and entertained. I'm sure he'd have appreciated an extra pair of hands and a younger person with more energy.

DadBodAlready · 21/07/2025 16:31

Sickofmen12 · 19/07/2025 01:51

I have some health problems but I have weeks on end when I manage ok. 3 school age DC. We have a teenage babysitter to help if needed if I have a flare up. DH cannot help - profession where he can’t take time off without lots of notice.

DH and I were talking about a day trip to the beach and he said we will have to take babysitter. I asked why, and he said that I’m not well enough to run around with the DC on the beach (alas, probably true) nor can he (he has a few health issues, but he goes running for fitness).

YABU- DH was just trying to help, bringing in help so you didn’t have to do anything. You’re lucky

YANBU - it would be so awkward, paying a teenage babysitter for hours to be squeezed on the backseat with your kids and then run around on the beach in a cute swimsuit and you look awful due to your illness as your husband thinks you’re incapable of looking after your own kids alonee, even when he’s there.

So a bit like a glorified au pair then....... And the problem is what exactly?
You say 3 school age kids and you imply you can't cope due to health problems and that the 'babysitter helps when u have a flare-up'.
You imply the babysitter will be 'in a cute swimsuit'. Have either you or your husband told her she has to wear one? What if she decides t-shirt and shorts is that OK?
I think you're husband is being considerate and you are just looking to take potshots

beAsensible1 · 21/07/2025 16:57

Assuming she’ll be wearing bikini to a UK beach is optimistic

TalkToTheHand123 · 22/07/2025 10:54

The amount of insecure comments is a bit unecessary. OP has clearly stated she just wants some quality alone time with her husband and kids which is perfectly understandable. I'd bring her along as it's extra help. Just think of her as family.