DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

[Sickofmen12]

I have some health problems but I have weeks on end when I manage ok. 3 school age DC. We have a teenage babysitter to help if needed if I have a flare up. DH cannot help - profession where he can’t take time off without lots of notice.

DH and I were talking about a day trip to the beach and he said we will have to take babysitter. I asked why, and he said that I’m not well enough to run around with the DC on the beach (alas, probably true) nor can he (he has a few health issues, but he goes running for fitness).

YABU- DH was just trying to help, bringing in help so you didn’t have to do anything. You’re lucky

YANBU - it would be so awkward, paying a teenage babysitter for hours to be squeezed on the backseat with your kids and then run around on the beach in a cute swimsuit and you look awful due to your illness as your husband thinks you’re incapable of looking after your own kids alonee, even when he’s there.

Your YANBU reasoning makes you sounds bonkers and paranoid,l

Sounds like he is capable of it, but doesn't want to put in the work.

His suggestion sounds perfectly reasonable. Why do you think he has an ulterior motive ? It would never have crossed my mind that my husband pervs at teenagers in bikinis.

I take my three DCs to the beach no problem, but it is lovely when I do go with another adult so I get 1-1 time with each of the kids and maybe even the opportunity to stare out to sea.

He's working flat out in a busy job and I'm guessing when he is home he chips in with the kids, house and possibly looking after you if you are having a flare up. He has own health problems. You don't often go out as a family, why not make the day as easy and enjoyable as possible?

If you think your DH is lusting after a teenage girl you have a massive problem on your hands. It sounds more likely your insecurities are getting in the way of having a nice day out.

It sounds like you need to get an unattractive (to your husband) nanny / babysitter.

You don’t need a babysitter if one parent is there let alone both. You have school aged children, not toddlers, so you won’t need to constantly run after them.

Personally I'd take it at face value and appreciate the help. I'm secure in my relationship though.

I'm guessing from (my perception of) your tone @Sickofmen12 that you think he only wants to take her so he can perve at her in a swimsuit? Not for practical reasons as stated? Does he have form for that?

More people breeding children they dont want and cant look after or cant be bothered to look after ,

Given there are a lot of single parents with 3 children who manage a day out on their own with their school age dc I don’t see why 2 adults, even if one isn’t able to do any running around can’t.

Strict instructions about wandering off and no going anywhere near the sea , no talking to strangers etc and discussions on water safety, sea currents and if you as parents can’t see them at all times on a crowded beach it is going to make you panic and worry about their safety. I would pick out a spot, possibly high up on the promenade where if they get lost and cant work out where you are, they make their way to that spot so you can also go to that spot and find them or when you have a place on the beach you can point out buildings and structures that you are in line with so they can attempt to navigate themselves back to you

Get lots of buckets and spades and a big cool box for drinks and a picnic and all should be good

They are all over the age of 5 so there should be some sense in them and they can communicate what they want.

I'd appreciate an extra pair of eyes, if you think your husband is attracted to a teenage babysitter then why on earth are you with him?

I’d have more issues with the idea that your dh can’t look after his own dcs on his own. And nor does he feel it’s his responsibility.

i dint think he is thinking of the cute teenager or you not being a good enough mum able to look after her dcs.
i think he knows you won’t be able to do so he’ll have to. And he can’t be bothered.

And he migut have health issues but if he can go running, he can look after his dcs on the beach. Saying that as a chronically ill mum who struggled to look after her DCs….

I’m in a 5* resort abroad this week, several families are here with one or even two nannies. Nannies are carrying the kids toys/inflatables, taking them to the loo, fetching drinks, etc. The parents still do the nice bits like building sandcastles or playing in the water.
I really don’t see an issue, especially as OP said she is not well enough to run around with the DC on the beach - and unclear how much her DH can do.

We were on a Greek island a few years ago. There was a couple with a teenage daughter and her friend (not nanny).

The daughter and her friend went topless in their bikinis. They then went to play with a ball in the sea. The dad went to join them. It was horrendous to see. The mum sat on the beach watching her husband playing volleyball with her daughter’s teen topless friend. He was loving it, it was so gross that I remember it clearly today.

For those who are saying he just want to make the day as nice as possible, if it was a mother who was taking a babysitter with her because looking after her own 3 dcs is too hard work etc etc would you find it normal?

im pretty sure she’d be judged instead. And people would ask why she had that many kids if she can’t look after them and automatically need support….

I suppose the question is, do you think he is able to look after three children on the beach? Either you do or you don’t. If he is, then you don’t need help.

If he isn’t then either your family can’t go to the beach or someone else has to come to the beach to help out.

Not really ...If she can afford it and wants an extra pair of hands then why not?

If it makes the day more enjoyable and enables kids to have a bit of one on one time with a parent to do a certain activity (eg one wants to build sandcastles and the other two want to play in the sea, or 2 want to play football with their parent and the other wants to go for a walk to look for shells) then its quite a good idea.

Some may feel it makes the day more enjoyable and less stressful and I wouldn't judge anyone for that. Each to their own

I think if the husband were unwell and the wife was working full time with her own health problems, posters would be saying ofc she should take the babysitter!

I thought this was going to be a thread about a creepy husband horning after the babysitter.

That I think, is the question.

He obviously doesn't think you can manage and he doesn't want to.
Is your worry about the babysitter in a 'cute' bathing suit your imagination because you don't like your own body or has your DH said or done something to warrant it?

More worrying for the poor babysitter.

If you think your DH can't keep his eyes off teen girls on the beach leave him at home and go yourself with the babysitter.

Also, how much assistance will you need if you have a flare up OP? Is the beach easily accessible off a prom or will you need help down steps? Will you be able to take one DC to the loo while he plays with the others or will he have to take all three? If he needs to help you in any way, his attention is not on your DCs.

We have no idea if he's interested in the babysitter or not. But OP implies it!

@Sickofmen12 he can’t take time off but can take time of for the beach and babysitter ?
He can’t run after the kids but can go for runs ?

No teenage babysitter at the beach it’s family day simple . Tell him to get his act together and stop taking advantage of your ill health.