DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

[Sickofmen12]

I have some health problems but I have weeks on end when I manage ok. 3 school age DC. We have a teenage babysitter to help if needed if I have a flare up. DH cannot help - profession where he can’t take time off without lots of notice.

DH and I were talking about a day trip to the beach and he said we will have to take babysitter. I asked why, and he said that I’m not well enough to run around with the DC on the beach (alas, probably true) nor can he (he has a few health issues, but he goes running for fitness).

YABU- DH was just trying to help, bringing in help so you didn’t have to do anything. You’re lucky

YANBU - it would be so awkward, paying a teenage babysitter for hours to be squeezed on the backseat with your kids and then run around on the beach in a cute swimsuit and you look awful due to your illness as your husband thinks you’re incapable of looking after your own kids alonee, even when he’s there.

My daughter is a PA for several families with children with additional needs and often accompanies them on days out, including to the beach, to help out and be an extra pair of hands.

If I could afford it, I’d hire a permanent babysitter for beach days, weekday mornings wrestling children through breakfast and school run, the witching hour, shoe shopping, all of it.

What’s going to be worse though OP: not bringing her and exhausting yourself into a health setback, or bringing her and feeling unhappy about it because she’s a teenager in a swimsuit?

The teenage boy won’t be wearing a bikini

How reasonable it is depends on a few things:

• The extent of your health issues and what you’re actually able to do. Even if you can’t run around are you still able to walk the kids to the loo/cafe, sit on the sand and play with them, deal with tantrums etc. If you’re able to do everything except run around then you probably don’t need an extra adult to help. If he’ll need to do most of the parenting whilst you sit in a deck chair I can see why it would be safer and more enjoyable to have an extra pair of hands.
• The ages of the children and their behaviour/level of independence. Do they mostly follow instructions and play sensibly? Or are they prone to running off, doing silly things or need a lot of adult supervision? I have a 3 year old who loves danger and there’s no way I could keep him safe if I was also trying to manage other kids at the beach.

I can totally see why he might suggest taking the babysitter just for a bit of extra help and because it might be more enjoyable for them (teenagers have more energy and imagination to play energetic games, and it allows you both to spend some 1:1 time with each child) and you both get a chance to relax a bit during the day. It’s also totally reasonable for you not to want this and I totally understand why you wouldn’t want an extra person on a family day.

The one thing I would mention (like everyone else) is your concerns about her being in a swimsuit. Is this just your own insecurities (because the beach is going to be full of other people in swimsuits and some will inevitably look better than you) or is your husband actually perving on your teenage babysitter?
If he’s genuinely looking at her then that’s massively creepy and disrespectful to both her and you. Obviously you shouldn’t take her to the beach, but I’d also be looking for alternative childcare- it’s not fair on her to have him gawking whilst she’s trying to work.

The op felt conscious about her being in a bikini as the babysitter is a teenage boy.

Teenager is male

Beaches can be full on.

Equipment- are you just bringing towels, or will you be bringing chairs, a cooler, windbreak, bat and ball, buckets and spades etc?

Will your kids like to stick together or is one likely to want to swim whilst another prefers to make sandcastles and another prefers to go rock pooling or looking for shells?

How large is the beach and how long is the trek to the loos/ice cream van?

Will you be up for aforesaid playing/swimming/trekking/carrying equipment or would you be more up for staying in one place, arranging picnic items and applying suncream, possibly having a bit of a swim or joining in making a sandcastle followed by a period of relaxing with a book?

If the latter, then the babysitter suggestion is a good one.

But I do think it's worrying that you are implying your H has some sort of sexual interest in the teenage babysitter.

This.

I misread post - apologies

I think you've misread the post. The OP said she is worried about the teenager running around the beach in a cute swimsuit, whilst the OP by comparison isn't looking her best due to illness

I did! Where did I get male teenager from? Lol

Where does the OP say that?

I misread post - apologies

Well I voted YABU. Children and the beach are hard work ! We live near the beach.hot weather and its packed to the gills.literally .if DC run off an extra pair of eyed is massively helpful.

I misread post - apologies

I misread post - apologies

I misread post - apologies

It’s a great suggestion frankly. Lots of people take their childcare on trips with them for extra support.

if you think it will be intrusive then say no

Your putting to much on the teenager! 2 adults with health issues & 3 kids at the beach! If that was my daughter telling me she had taken this job I’d be ringing you up.

Can't your DH keep an eye on the kids?

I'm a single parent and have never had any problems taking DC to the beach on my own.

Oh, how the other half live! You both sound a bit useless, why not parent your own kids instead of relying on soneone else's teenager.

Lots of shoe bodied people with 3 kids have help on holidays and at home as an extra pair of hands make it easier.

I don’t think there’s a need to take it as any sort of value judgement. Maybe he wants you both to be able to sit back a bit and enjoy and babysitter do the hard bits like toilet runs and snack runs and beach racing

What do you think if you are the one who have to look after 3 school aged kids in a busy beach by yourself? I would say your dh is very thoughtful.

I think he was trying to help, although if he runs for fitness then surely he can run after the kids unless they’re very young. Unless something else has been said that would make you think you DH just wants to see the babysitter in a “cute” swimming costume, I think you’re projecting the ideas that he thinks you can’t look after your kids and also that he wants to see the babysitter in fewer clothes - you have health problems and she’s potentially a child herself

This. Just look after your own kids like everyone else manages to.

Sounds like he is trying to make the day as stress free as can be.

You admit that you cant do the running around.

He possibly wants a bit of a rest himself, and whilst he wants to play with the kids, also wants someone else there who can be hands on with the carrying/ toing and froing from the sea and it is also handy(and feels safer,) to have another older person (ie not young child) if the kids want to play in the sea

I don't think his suggestion is that off.

I do think your comment about her in the swimwear is a bit odd...what are you trying to imply? That he will be ogling the babysitter? Does he have form for that? If he does then you definitely need not invite this poor girl and leave your disgusting husband. If he doesn't, and its just projection on your part, then thats massively uncalled for and unfair to him