Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

[Allcrisisnocalm]

Fuck fuck fuck
my partners mum won’t last the night (totally unexpected)
i want to be with him - he’s 3 hours away
but I’m due to fly tomorrow morning to America with my three kids - first time they’ve been out to see my family there in 9 years - I have no family here other than my kids. Literally due to leave for the airport at 7am tomorrow

I don’t live with my partner so his mum my kids have only met once.

DP was due to join us a week later with his kids

I’ve checked the travel insurance policy with a fine tooth comb (am a lawyer) and defo won’t cover the mum of my partner as we’ve got separate insurance policies
my policy is just for me and my kids rather than a joint policy with partner

I don’t know what to do

I could maybe see if I can push the flights back 24 hours but it looks like it will be another £3k (same cost as original)

or send my 2 youngest with my 18 yr old and join in 24 hours? A huge responsibility for the eldest and im not sure im comfortable with it but could speak to eldest to see what she feels about it
youngest two are 11 and 15 so not babies
they’d be met by family

can’t work out the extra flight cost just for me but I think it will be around £1k , that’s not great but better than £3k but I don’t know if I can send my kids alone

fuck fuck fuck

Jesus, there is a lot of cherry picking on here in order to work up some outrage. The OP’s iterated plenty they’re very committed life partners who don’t live together. Of course she was flustered and upset when she heard, she loves her partner who loved his mother, a woman she had met many times and was very fond of. OP was trying to be as supportive to him as he had been to her when she lost her best friend but the timing was absolutely lousy. Her partner sensibly encouraged her to keep her plans, as he should’ve, but it’s hard to know the person you love is going through one of the worst times of his life and you’re effectively about to go no contact for the best part of a day. Totally understandably why she was waivering about the best thing to do initially.

OP, I’m glad he was kind enough to encourage you guys to stick to your plans. He sounds lovely, as do you, and looks like you have a great set up relationship-wise imo. In practical terms, maybe you could send them a e-gift card for Uber Eats or whatever food service is local to them, so they don’t have to worry about lunch or dinner today or tomorrow. I hope you have a lovely time with your relatives despite the sadness you’re also feeling. I’m sure she’d want you to too as well

Honestly your not married your not living
together. He has not made the commitment. So if it me I would be goi g to see my family. If he can’t make it due to his mother’s health then that’s understandable to. Making wifey choices when you are not the wife is silly

@Muffinmam. 😂

FFS splitting hairs

Is the poster trying to say they are friends with benefits? I do worry about some people's interpretation of what a relationship is after the stories I have heard. The woman or man will say yes we are in a relationship and the other person will look clueless and say no we are just friends. I am not saying that is the ops situation it's what I have heard over the years. There is a lot of emotionally challenging people out there.

You’ve done the right thing. Your children need you. You had your partner’s blessing to go.

Bear in mind that it may actually be easier for your partner to get with the practicalities of the sad situation without having to consider the wellbeing of you and your children.

OH MY GOD. OP has said several times they consider themselves to be in a serious, committed relationship and are each other’s life partners, albeit not living together right now in order to prioritise her children’s wellbeing and home life. Such things exist even if you are skeptical, I know of plenty.

OP didn’t ask for a sense check of her realationship status, presumably she’s well aware of how they feel about each other. So for the love of god, can we just take her word for it and knock it off. It’s boring, derailing and of no use to the OP whatsoever

You absolutely can be 'partners' and not live together @Muffinmam What the defacto are you banging on about?

I found what a poster said amusing and it reminded me of the stories I have heard. I did say and you can reference my post "I am not saying that is the ops situation it's what I have heard over the years" I guess you didn't read that part and got excited. You don't need to get serious. Don't worry what I posted had nothing to do with the op and she doesn't have to read.

The op is in America @StellaLaBella she won't care about this thread in a couple of days. Once she has a proper conversation with her partner she will be happy. Don't give to much of yourself you don't know anyone on these threads. As I have been told many times on here a lot of what is posted on Mumsnet is made up.

Right. It really does matter, he is not family, her kids are. It's good that the OP has decided to do the right thing, and take her children on such an important trip to see the rest of her family.

Being married holds far greater significance than being someone's boyfriend, partner or even just living together. It has legal protections, shared property benefits, it offers financial security and - though mumsnetters really hate to admit this - it absolutely does signify a deeper commitment.

Getting married is a formal and public declaration that you intend to make a lifelong commitment to someone. It matters a lot. It carries, amongst many, greater social recognition and it offers more structure and expectations of mutual responsiblity.

So yeah, you're right. It is very sad for her boyfriend that his mum died, such situations are always difficult and she's obviously a caring person. But it's good OP didn't try to play the wifey role, as she is not his wife.

From what I have read on Mumsnet over the years they are selective over the advice they give. I asked for advice once and never again it was unhelpful and didn't help or improve my situation. I will never ask again I would rather read a book or an article on real life experiences I get more from real people. It's a box of frogs on here.

I am weary of the advice I do give in case the story is true. No one on here has to deal with the aftermath of a family breakup or breakdown if it all goes wrong. I try to make sure my advice is on doing the right thing especially when there is children involved.

I completely agree with this. You've worded it well.

I always want to make this point on marriage but can predict all the responses so never dare 🤭. But you are right. Marriage definitely holds more significance on a societal level.

Sure. Although I suspect you’re projecting quite a bit with the ‘beware of giving too much of yourself’ bollocks. Fret not, I can assure you I’m perfectly aware I’ve no skin in this game, and I’ll have forgotten about this thread well before the OP. I acknowledged in a previous post it seemed to have been resolved as well as she could in the circumstances IMO. Presumably you think I got “excited” - take quite a bit more than inane musings on Mumsnet tbf - because I’m waiting here with bated breath for OP to respond. Lol. Actually, I quoted your post because it perfectly demonstrated my point that this needless banging on about whether they’re really a proper couple, what a committed couple should and shouldn’t expect of each other, et ire, had, and still has, fuck all to do with the OPs dilemma. Despite it “amusing” you enough to feel to compelled to share your thoughts on the many naive people you know being deceived by their love interests, it’s still off tangent, therefore derailing, and therefore boring the arse of me to have to wade through. HTH

You wasted your precious time and I really don't care. Like I said above it's a box of frogs on here and you proved my point with your pointless post. Get a life

Ok. You should do whatever makes you comfortable, and I will too.

You should probably just not read threads if they trigger and aggravate you so badly. People will just keep doing whatever they want to, regardless. Your choice, of course if you want to waste your time.

I am pretty nonchalant about being berated on here to be honest, as they rarely actually address anything I have said, and prefer to try to silence people by means of personal attacks and logical fallacies, but those don't work on me :)

But I get it, it's not notice to post something reasonable and rational and have a swarm of angry bees surround you in a cloud.

It's an observation of social media or the internet. It's a false sense of reality.

I was agreeing with you

Ok. But I can genuinely say I have never given advice to anyone, online or off, that I do not believe is correct. And to my way of thinking, nobody should ask for advice if they do not expect to receive it. That in itself is a learning curve that so few seem prepared to actually learn from - posting a thread asking for advice means you will get a lot of different perspectives, some will troll you, some will flame you, some wil actually try to tell the truth, and you have to try to decide if the words are wise or unwise.

Mumsnet is also full of people trying not to hurt one another's feelings - which is really quite usless and does not prepare them for the true feelings and opinions of the average person.

Ultimately, I think most people post on mumsnet because they want to someone to tell them they are right, and occasionally they want a nudge to do the right thing. It's a good lesson that you shouldn't do that unless you have a thick skin and know how to cope with an influx of thoughts from strangers.

What you are seeing is people's true thoughts, whether they would say them or not in real life is quite a different story. I would, I suspect many wouldn't.

Anyway, I just don't see the point in torturing yourself if it bothers you so greatly, and though I was dismissive before I am sincere in that comment.

I'd stay away from commentaries on the internet altogether if it angered, distressed or upset me to any great exent. It's why I don't watch the news, or documentaries on certain subject, or true crime podcasts, those things can trigger me.

I apologise for having misconstrued your comment.

The advice I received was unwise I would have been better off putting my pride aside and airing my dirty laundry. I did that recently and it felt liberating and I got the answers I needed. A lot of people are worried about how they will look so they come here. Op got the answers she needed from her partner not on here. It does feel like a toxic environment most of the time. Maybe I am growing up and outgrowing Mumsnet.

No worries I get that all the time something I need to work on.

@thelakeisle we watch the news twice a day and sometimes sky news. I know the theme tune to bad boys and I watch 48hrs. I am into politics. This forum doesn't trigger me or upset me it's a weird place. I am still not used to social media and I don't think I ever will be.