Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

[Allcrisisnocalm]

Fuck fuck fuck
my partners mum won’t last the night (totally unexpected)
i want to be with him - he’s 3 hours away
but I’m due to fly tomorrow morning to America with my three kids - first time they’ve been out to see my family there in 9 years - I have no family here other than my kids. Literally due to leave for the airport at 7am tomorrow

I don’t live with my partner so his mum my kids have only met once.

DP was due to join us a week later with his kids

I’ve checked the travel insurance policy with a fine tooth comb (am a lawyer) and defo won’t cover the mum of my partner as we’ve got separate insurance policies
my policy is just for me and my kids rather than a joint policy with partner

I don’t know what to do

I could maybe see if I can push the flights back 24 hours but it looks like it will be another £3k (same cost as original)

or send my 2 youngest with my 18 yr old and join in 24 hours? A huge responsibility for the eldest and im not sure im comfortable with it but could speak to eldest to see what she feels about it
youngest two are 11 and 15 so not babies
they’d be met by family

can’t work out the extra flight cost just for me but I think it will be around £1k , that’s not great but better than £3k but I don’t know if I can send my kids alone

fuck fuck fuck

Can people not be bothered to read the full thread? Or at least the OP's posts?!

She said she and her children are going on this trip, and she said it last night!

They're probably in America now!

I think you've done the right thing to go
If you feel bad later try not to ans remember it's not like you had much time to make a decision

From Canada - don't let your kids fly into the US alone. Canadians aren't even going into the US now because it's not safe. People are being detained, held, deported, it's really really bad. I live a few hours from the border and my kids and I would drive down, shop for a few hours, drive back, no big deal, but now none of us go near that border, it's too dangerous.

Talk to your BF and ask what he would prefer. My mother was killed in an accident last year and honestly, if my BF were in your position I would have told him to take his kids and go, to not worry. Emotional support from a distance would have been fine because there wouldn't be anything that he could do.

Good luck and my condolences to your BF

I’m sorry you found yourself in such a hard situation. I think you did the right thing and put your children first. I hope he can still fly out to meet you. Please ignore those judging your relationship title which was completely irrelevant.

Chill. I missed it. DP’s mother has met her kids once. Weird!

He is her boyfriend. She hasn’t seen her family for almost a decade. I encouraged her to take the flight. Her boyfriend encouraged her to take the flight and I understand she made the decision to travel.

I don’t understand why you thought it necessary to swear.

Hey OP, I hope you have a lovely trip and you sound like a lovely caring person who has had to weather a lot in the past. You and your partner are probably very lucky to have each other and I'm sure he knows it and also wants the best for you, as you do him.

To he absolutely clear, he isn’t her partner - he’s her boyfriend. A partner is a person you live with in a defacto relationship. A boyfriend is a person who lives in other accommodations.

I merely encouraged the OP to make her flight - which she has done now.

That’s my point. They aren’t partners they are boyfriend and girlfriend and live very separate lives. I encouraged the OP to take the flight and go and see her family.

@Muffinmam , OP says: "We are absolutely committed life partners but we haven’t blended families as it wouldn’t be best for our kids as one set would need uprooting.
We spend most our time together but move between our respective houses depending on when we have our kids, and ensure we also get alone time with our kids."

They essentially live together and do not live separate lives. But regardless of that, it's not for you to define their relationship.

Could you drop your kids off with your family in the US and fly back for a few days at least/ for the funeral?

It'll cost a couple of grand but it's kind of a once in a lifetime situation... Sounds like you're financially able to do that, so I'd do that in your shoes.

Your kids sounds old enough to be with your family at least for a few days.

They are partners you know. You don’t get to define peoples relationships based on your bizarre criteria.

How completely bizarre to unilaterally decide that two other people, who you’ve never met, aren’t partners when they consider themselves to be, let alone after almost a decade together. Very odd!

Exactly. Utterly strange.

For the OP’s kids to have this massive holiday with just their mum…. They’ll likely be sad for DP’s loss of a woman they’ve never met but - very happy to have just a family holiday too

Try to have a good time...your dp knows you have done all you can xx

If I’d have been this partner, I’d have actively wanted the OP to go. Why? Because MY kids barely know the OP and they will be grieving and probably just want me rather than my girlfriend they don’t know around the place too

They aren’t partners! Partner’s live together in a defacto relationship. They are boyfriend and girlfriend. They haven’t committed to each other. They live separately.

My sister is still my sister despite us not living together

My child is still my child despite us not living together

Partners live together. The OP and her boyfriend live with their own families in separate houses. If they move in together then they will be in a defacto relationship and can use the term “partner” because they are in a partnership in living in a house.

You can’t call a person your partner if you aren’t actually partnered with them. If you don’t live with them they are either your boyfriend or girlfriend.

This is important in my country because genuine partners who cohabit can make a claim for certain assets in the event of a breakdown of relationship. A boyfriend or girlfriend could not make a claim on the others assets because they aren’t partnered. They don’t share an address.

Important in your country for financial reasons

You live with your “partner” @Muffinmam

but are you happy?

It is completely different wirh relationships. Bf/gf is the norm until living together then you are 'partners'.

It's fine, the op has gone but the fact she was even considering disrupting her kids holiday because of her bf's bereavement is crazy. She'd met the dm once in 9yrs. That is not a relationship that you ruin holidays for especially as the bf had plenty of support. It's all a bit me me me tbh.

Oh I agree

Also insane that the op even thought that it would be appropriate to rock up to support her dp when he was with his kids she’s barely knows!

I’m so, so sorry for your loss, @Allcrisisnocalm