Ever Grieving SIL

[meatsandcheeses]

OK, prepared to be flamed, but my SILs dad died 10 years ago and yet, it's almost daily but definitely weekly, she's posting her grief on Facebook, he much she's missing him, how grief is so silent and misunderstood. And jesus how that escalates for father's day, his birthday, the day he died, the day they found out he was ill, Christmas, Easter, her kids birthdays, her birthday, the neighbour five doors down birthday. At what point is this just attention seeking? It drives me mad, I've gone so far as to silence her because I can't bear the "hope you're OK hun" stuff.

I used to get on with her well, but she's always driven me mad by text and socials.

No it doesn't sound very much like I like her. I did, at one time, but this behaviour has absolutely trashed my opinion of her. She even got in competition with a relative of hers raising money for charity, because she had to be the one seen to be doing it and wouldn't collaborate.

Am I just mean spirited?

True, but as with anything, it's about moderation Vs excessiveness

Which is down to the viewers discomfort not the grieving person's discomfort.

Some people post daily about their kids. Some people post about their meals daily. Some about how far they have run and their times with a little map.

Horses for courses.

OP is probably exaggerating. But even if she's not none of it sounds that outlandish. Of course she is going to post on father's day FFS! I don't myself personally (would rather pretend the day doesn't exist) but everyone else with a dad will be posting and we all have to put up with that on facebook and being reminded so why shouldn't the SIL or anyone who has lost a dad commemorate the day? Same with Christmas etc. And I assume she thinks of him on her and her kids' birthdays too and is upset he isn't here.

OP is just describing stuff that a hell of a lot of people probably do on pretty much ALL those occasions. The rest of the stuff is probably just things she comes across about loss that she finds meaningful enough to post. Again it's not my type of thing but I just can't get worked up about it.

As for the charity thing, yeah sounds weird how OP is telling it but then again we only have her perception of things.

I beg to differ. And you’re just as callous if you think five weeks is enough time to grieve a parent. The fact that they’re elderly and in a care home means nothing. They are still a parent. Mum is 94, advanced dementia. I take care of her in my home with the help of a private carer Some days she doesn’t know who I am. Some days she doesn’t know who she is. But I know who she is and she will always be my mum. When she passes I will grieve for her because she has been with me my whole life, and has always been there for me. Now it’s my turn. Posts like yours make me sick.

I don’t think you got this wrong - grief is a very lonely thing - some people handle it better than others and some people express it differently than others. A very mindful post.

If you are suffering from long term grief, you are stuck in the grief cycle and it’s considered problem grief. The answer is professional help which can be arranged easily via your GP. The fact that you would dismiss this says you know little to nothing about mental health. Your post is ridiculous and unhelpful to those here who may be grieving.

It's actually got a name - 'sadfishing', being the term used for people who grieve on social media for attention. It refers to the act of posting about emotional or vulnerable situations online with the intention of eliciting sympathy or attention from others.