DH being cruel to small fish

[linaplatelover]

DH is part of a team sport - has been for years no issues usually with it.

he has brought home a small ‘goldfish’ in a tiny tank. This small fish has been passed around different team members. Apparently if it dies on your watch you have to pay a fine.

the fish clearly isn’t being cared for properly, the water is cloudy it has no filter or air stone.

Ive looked up the type of fish and it’s not even a goldfish - it’s a small orange tropical fish that requires a heater.

I'm absolutely furious! I hate any cruelty to animals and think this type of lads game from a 40 yr old man is ridiculous.

first off mumsnetters AIBU? And if you think no what should I do?

worst part is that DH agrees that it’s cruel but for some reason ‘doesn’t want to cause a fuss’

Rehome the fish and the DH

WTF even thinks up stuff like this?

Here's our tropical fish , this post has made my blood boil. If you ignore this cruelty you are part of it !

I honestly couldn't be with someone who treats a living creature this way for the sake of fitting in! If I were you I'd go full vigilante and take the fish away to a rehomer or a rescue immediately, if its tropical there'll be loads of enthusiasts who would rescue it. And let him know if his team keep doing it then you're reporting them for cruelty. If it makes him or you unpopular, meh who gives a shit about being popular to those kinds of idiots.

Edited to add I'm a vegetarian but even if I ate fish, this isn't for sustenance it's for entertainment, a "laugh"

curious about the current 2% who say OP is being unreasonable. Post from @TashaG is tactical and it’ll save the fish’s life.this is a shining example of tribal peer pressure toxic masculinity.

Men not wanting to "make a fuss" ie grow a fucking backbone and stand up to their friends' shit behaviour is a huge issue, that is largely ignored.

@TryingAgainAgainAgain this 😔

That's so unbelievably nasty. Jesus.

This would have me questioning my relationship, and I’d be telling him so.

The pathetic ‘ not wanting to make a fuss’ is almost as much of a turn off as the outright cruelty.

I couldn’t let this pass with him thinking I merely disapprove ( not saying this applies to the OP). I would need him to know how it affects how I see him as a person.

Bloody hell, what is going on with these men. Earlier in the week we had the DH who thought it hilarious to be tied to a little person on a stag do; now this. So depressing.

That is abhorrent- what a horrible bunch of men and frankly I'd be furious if my DH wasn't able to stand up for the right thing and say its cruel and he's not doing it. I would think less of him.

As someone said above re-home fish. Poor thing

Totally agree. This is disgraceful.

Your husband is a pathetic little coward. They’re inflicting endless and prolonged suffering on a tiny little living being. It’s vile. What will they pass around next when this fish game gets normalised to the point they get bored: a mouse, a hamster, a rabbit or maybe they’ll start joining in those baby monkey torture groups online. You need to nip this in the bud OP, what have you married…

What a shame you were burgled and the only thing they took was little Tiddles.

Good grief, what have I just read? Vile and cruel.

That’s absolutely disgusting. All of them are awful.

So basically he’s being a big baby

If he can’t be an adult and tell them all they are being cruel he can tell them it died, pay the fine and you either look after it properly or get someone who can

and you tell dh he takes no part is any such ‘game’ again

Completely agree with you, OP

I cannot stand cruelty in any guise.

Also agree that rehoming the poor thing and making DH pay the fine is a good way of dealing with it.

Why are sone men such massive pricks when they get together?!

Sorry @2025ismybestyear your husband is weak or lacking in any morals if he can't stand up to that.

You're just as bad for not taking the fish to a pet shop/someone who can look after it properly. You should be ashamed of yourself. To stand by and let cruelty happen is just as bad. Also, I would leave this disgusting excuse of a man. This is the same mentality we see in gang rapes. A few men round the edges who don't want cause a fuss.

If this is an ongoing "game" of put the fish in an environment that will kill it and see who's got it when it dies, re-homing this fish won't help, they'll just get a new one for the next round.

Your DH is going to have to make at least a bit of fuss. Would it be possible for you to upgrade it to a suitable tank, and ask for it live at the team meeting place as a mascot? Then he's not taking it away from the team, but redirecting to something appropriate. (I realise that depending on sport/place this may not be possible)

Take the fish to a pet shop and tell the others partners what they are doing! This would turn me from 0 to 100

No way, should she let it live with the team. What will the next game be, how much beer can we pour in the tank before it dies? You think they’ll actually suddenly gain a caring attitude about it?

Your husband is an arsehole - and his team are worse. HTH. And please - stop passing this fish around - it's not a bladdy toy. Are they 12 ffs. What are his good points - does he have a backbone?

Oooo yes, telling the other partners, that’ll stop it. Excellent suggestion