New colleague comment - rude or misunderstanding?

[RunnerDeb]

A new (male) colleague started on my team recently. I interviewed him along with our (male) manager.

Conversation with new colleague yesterday about how he found our companies interview process compared to his previous company. He said that when I came down to collect him from the office reception ahead of the interview he thought I was the Secretary and was surprised when I sat down to interview him!!

Is it me or is that a really rude comment. There’s one thing thinking it, another saying it. It implies I wasn’t suitable to be in that role.

I would see it as a sexist comment, he wouldnt have thought that if you were male.

Incredibly inappropriate. Did you pull him up on it? I’d report it immediately.

Is it too late to change your decision to hire him??

Definitely sexist. What a pointless thing to say - does he not have a filter?!

No I didn’t. It was only after I reflected and felt it was unnecessary, so I’m kicking myself for not saying something but I was taken aback.

Says more about him than you

I would have raised eyebrows and asked if a man had come to collect him would he have thought the same.

Perhaps it means you didn't introduce yourself?
Hi, I'm Debbie, I'm the General Manager.

He was perfectly professional in the interview (yes, I know - best behaviour and all that) and hasn’t done anything else albeit very early days.

I certainly did introduce myself!

Don’t enable his sexism by letting a comment like that go unchecked. I’d definitely be talking to him directly and/or to HR.

That’s really unacceptable

I would be reconsidering too if possible. The lack of filter between thinking such a thing and then saying it so early into a new role would leave me worried about how he would be with clients.

Even if he thought it, he shouldn't have said it to you (or anyone else). It's an outdated and sexist comment. I understand that in some industries, they can be more male dominated, but even so, an inappropriate comment. It shows that he perhaps has no awareness or social understanding.

It’s a 100% sexist remark and a real red flag. I’d note it with HR and watch him like a hawk. If he’s happy to say something like this so early in his employment then chances are he’s not going to make his probation… would love to be proved wrong but this is what experience tells me!

Could you retrospectively pull him up or at least make it known to your manager so if he says anything else there is a record/awareness that it's a pattern and not a one off?

It's such a sexust thing to say, and what is worse isn't that he thought that in the privacy of his mind, but that he had the gumption to actually bring it up to you! Suggests he doesn't think you'll do anything about it or was testing the waters perhaps.

It's very sexist and I would be very tempted to still have a conversation with him about why he thought that and why he was willing to say it.

Blimey, where on earth has he been working that he's not used to women managers? Has he been transported from the 70's! Is your industry very male dominated? It really does seem a very strange thing to say or even think in this day and age.

Has he just walked out of a tear in the time continuum from the 1970s?

Incredibly sexist, inappropriate and also breathtakingly lacking in self-awareness. Even if you thought that privately, what on earth would possess you to think it was a good idea to share it with someone who hired you? Leaving the sexism aside, it suggests someone who has no idea what professional behaviour entails.

I would be tempted to pull him aside at an appropriate moment and gently read the riot act: "So you're aware for next time: this is a workplace where people are treated equally regardless of their sex/ethinicity etc. Your comment yesterday about thinking I was the secretary was highly inappropriate. I realise you've just started here [and maybe you're new to the world of work] so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt but you should be aware that remarks like this could in future land you in hot water so you would be well advised to keep anything like that to yourself." And flag to HR.

If he's a bit of a prick he might think he's in the wrong workplace (which might not be a bad thing). If he's sensible and was just anxious then you'll have done him a big favour.

Did you ask him why he thought that?

I don’t think there is a problem with you not saying anything at the time. You can absolutely address this with him. Do you have an HR dept? I would ask them for advice and or action. He needs this to be official.

Depends on the industry/sector really. Where I work the interviewer, whoever it is, fetches the visitor from reception. We have a mix of men and women which is getting better and shouldn't come as any surprise to anyone already in the field. Fortunately newbies, as in graduates, don't have any preconceptions.

Either you're in a very masculine sector or he's a bit of a snot.

So you did introduce yourself, including your job title?
it was rather tactless for him to say what he thought, but my recollection is every time I have gone for an interview it is a secretary or PA who has collected me, and he may well have been too nervous to take in your name and title. But he should never have admitted that!
If he had revealed that to me I would have said something along the lines of ‘well it’s not the 1960s and I hope you are able to work well with female and male authority’ and leave it at that.

No it’s not a masculine sector (can’t be too precise to avoid being outing), our workforce has slightly more females if anything.

There is a HR ‘officer’ as opposed to a department but I think the idea above of mentioning it to my manager is a good one.

Rude and sexist

Rude. I would have my guard up around him.

My daughter is a senior lawyer for a large international law firm in London. She was part of the interview panel for salaried partners who had applied to become equity partners. She had arrived early and was sitting down in a corner making some notes. One of the applicants from a regional office arrived and, seeing her, said 'Make me a cup of tea luv I've had a long journey'. She declined and pointed him in the direction of the kitchen.
She said that when the panel convened and he saw her on it his face was a picture.
I must admit I felt a bit sorry for him.