New colleague comment - rude or misunderstanding?

[RunnerDeb]

A new (male) colleague started on my team recently. I interviewed him along with our (male) manager.

Conversation with new colleague yesterday about how he found our companies interview process compared to his previous company. He said that when I came down to collect him from the office reception ahead of the interview he thought I was the Secretary and was surprised when I sat down to interview him!!

Is it me or is that a really rude comment. There’s one thing thinking it, another saying it. It implies I wasn’t suitable to be in that role.

Yes I've experienced being flummoxed by others insensitive comments too
Don't beat yourself up
I'm wondering if this male is either, extremely young, & inexperienced with right & wrong things to say? Or maybe he was immensely nervous & just trying to make conversation to fill any potential awkwardness or silences
Maybe both!? Nerves most surely can make self conscious folks say things they wouldn't normally say
I remember doing so when I was very young
Always lovely, of you, that you hesitated making rash decisions, re going so far's to report someone, when a kind, one to one expression of not wishing someone to repeat statements like this again 💚🌼🙏

I'd email your manager and cc in HR .. hel be on probation for now & they need to be aware . He's definitely rude & sexist , you interviewed him so clearly your his superior & he said he thought you were a secretary.. I'd be absolutely fuming !

That’s ageist isn’t? Senior ladies😂

Good thing I don’t work there (as a secretary) 😂

Yes rude and inappropriate. Would be inclined to tell your manager or HR, but its a difficult one. Sounds to me like powerplay, I would be very wary of him in future. But do not let him undermine you. Is there a probationary period?

What would that have achieved?

Gee, I dunno, maybe OP standing up for herself and showing him, literally, who's boss!? Yes, in that instance, he probably would just try to laugh it off etc - but the fact he'd been swiftly called out on this remark means he's unlikely to make a similar one any time soon.

Not everything needs to become a massive HR issue. To be honest, I find the suggestion that the 'woman' of this scenario can't adequately deal with the guy on her own without involving higher ups, frankly patronising... and sexist!!

People get nervous and say stupid things at interviews.
some people see a behaviour in one place of work and extrapolate that out to be the case everywhere.
I live in house of autistic people and it’s absolutely the kind of thing my sons would think and say. So maybe my perspective is different to yours, that doesn’t make me naive, just different life experiences.
🤷🏼‍♀️

I would say don’t overthink this. If there are no further issues, move on. No one is perfect.

I thought our new male MD was the caretaker when introduced to him as he was wearing a high vis and being shown around by the head of maintenance. It wasn't until he had left the others in the room burst out laughing that I realised.

Did you introduce yourself properly when you collected him from reception? I’d have given my name, job title and said I’d be interviewing him with X (name if manager). That way the interviewee knows where they stand.

Sounds like something out of Mad Men

In my experience it’s usually a more junior team member who collects people at reception. Maybe that’s what he was trying to say but worded it badly.

Massive stretch!

Unless you're him, nothing is obvious.

Quite. Having been a receptionist, I was the one taking candidates in and same when interviewing.

What's wrong with being mistaken for a secretary anyway OP, is it beneath you?

I don't understand why everyone's wondering whether it's too late to change your mind about hiring him.

Surely this is a great opportunity to change his expectations and develop him not only as an employee but as a person.

This is one of the functions of any company, isn't it?

Worked with men for years, I’m confident in my role so no, this would have had no affect on me.

Completely Concur With You
So refreshingly lovely to read an open minded, warmhearted, compassionate comment
God Bless You&Yours
I'm also on the autistic spectrum as are my Beloved Children
We'd all say things without sides without intent to upset especially when nervous, & also especially when younger & more naive
Sometimes the ones whom know exactly the right things to say are the wolves in sheeps clothing
As my Beloved Mum would put it "' The devil is a charming man"'
Those open books are most surely normally, wholesomely harmless 💚🌼
God Bless You&Yours & Thank you again

Yes & it's lovely to read from someone self assured too 💚🌼Some take unnecessary offence & read dark into everything 🙏

Yes absolutely
Nothing wrong with being a secretary whatsoever & nothing to be offended by
I did a secretarial course
All my course mates were highly intelligent
Seems some are so entitled, even taking offence, to a nervous most likely young, potential employee, speaking his anxious mind🙏
Thank you for your compassionate open minded enlightenments 💚🌼
God Bless You&Yours

That's how I read it.

Ironically the posters pulling you up on that are revealing their own prejudices and stereotypes as they clearly subconsciously relate 'senior ladies' to mean 'elderly' rather than 'leadership'

Can I take the opposite view here and say that perhaps he was trying to put himself down. As in “oh silly me for thinking that”. He was being open about the mistake he had made.

It would have been good to ask why he said that straight away, but it’s hard sometimes to say the right thing when you’re surprised in the heat of the moment. I don’t think the OP can bring it up with him again now without coming across a little odd. The moment has passed.

Yes exactly
No sides to him whatsoever
Very open & he's hardly committed a crime God Bless him
Thank you for your compassionate open mindedness
The world would be a much better place if more were empathetic & understanding, like you
God Bless You&Yours
💚🌼

Why would you feel sorry for him? Demanding that anyone make you a cup of tea is so rude! What a dickhead.

Wish it was the 80s the greatest decade🥹