New colleague comment - rude or misunderstanding?

[RunnerDeb]

A new (male) colleague started on my team recently. I interviewed him along with our (male) manager.

Conversation with new colleague yesterday about how he found our companies interview process compared to his previous company. He said that when I came down to collect him from the office reception ahead of the interview he thought I was the Secretary and was surprised when I sat down to interview him!!

Is it me or is that a really rude comment. There’s one thing thinking it, another saying it. It implies I wasn’t suitable to be in that role.

This is what I was going to say.

Not always, but often, it is secretaries or assistants that do the collecting from reception and he may well have thought the same thing had a bloke collected him.

I think you should either leave it, or actually tell him you were offended.

Going straight to HR and complaining about him without clarifying the intent is unfair.

But out of interest, why is it bad to be mistaken for a secretary? Are they not valid team members.

I would have said "Oh that's funny, because when I saw you in Reception I thought you must be from 'Just Eat' delivering some sandwiches!"

Interviewed at a large household name type organisation for a senior management position recently. Was met at reception by a nice but clearly not senior chap, and taken up to meet the extremely senior woman who will be my new boss. Please make sure your colleague knows about this.

But this is where it gets complicated. Why was he "clearly not senior" - is that comment based on appearance? Or is it OK as he was a bloke?

Please say what happened next!

In a place where everyone who interviewed me was in a suit and that would be the norm for managerial staff, he was wearing jeans and a tshirt. He was also very young. Also, I had emails from him before I arrived where his title was something like 'team assistant'. So no, I'm not particularly given to generalising about either gender.

Bloody hell - sexist and rude. I wouldn't let him get away with that.

He was incredibly apologetic, and spent two years grovelling. Once we helped him adjust his prejudices, he was ok, and probably left us a more aware person than he was when he arrived.

Shocking this is STILL happening! He absolutely would not be short listed by me.

It was a stupid comment but everyone saying it's a concern that he said it... I would view this differently... he said it to deliberately undermine you. You said he was coming into your team and interviewed by your boss/team manager meaning he's in a similar position or thinks he is. He's subtly undermining you. He knows what he's doing. He's positioning for promotion/top dog and you're in his path.

Well, he'll be on probation for the next couple of months, surely? If he doesn't behave himself, it'll be bye-bye.

Perhaps he just assumed that as you didn't introduce yourself or your role when you collected him rather than anything else. Maybe just a misunderstanding rather than anything more sinister.

He's either a sexist dinosaur or he was impressed with how friendly/down to earth your company was that a manager came to collect him.

Completely unacceptable. Needs to be pulled up on his sexism and made aware it will not be tolerated. Considering reporting up to HR. How bloody dare he?

Possible every interview he’s ever had, the person introduced themselves at reception,

Hi, I’m X, nice to meet you, please join me ,.,,,

Maybe, the secretaries don’t introduce selves. Or say, Hi, I’m Y, assistant to ABC.

You did neither, leading to assumption you have no role in the hire process … possible secretary.

You should have introduced yourself properly.

You asked, he answered, you didn't like the answer 🤷‍♀️

Similar happened to me once; I collected him from reception and took him to the interview room. I was in a senior position for a multinational.

I checked if he was comfortable in the room, temperature, if he needed water then explained the interview process to him; first round with with me (HR) then meet the sdev manager with a senior developer then a tech test then we would all discuss and have a decision for his recruiter the following day.

He nodded.

I said (starting with the easiest question imaginable to put the interviewee at ease) "can you tell me what you know about the company?"
"Oh don't worry, I've researched."
"Good. So can you tell me what you know about us?"
"Listen it's fine, I'm up to speed"
"Eh... I see. So imagine I don't work here and I ask you about the company. Tell me about it."
"Honestly it's FINE. I know this sector well and all about you guys."
"Can you at least tell me why you applied for a job here?"
"Yeah yeah, when the guy gets in here I'll go through all that."

I thanked him, stood up and walked out. 'The guy' wasn't due in for another 40 mins so I left him in the room. Of course they got on well and 'the guy' wanted to hire him until they heard my feedback. I said I wouldn't approve and why. I remember the stunned look on their faces after I shared the details. "How could we put him in front of a female client?" was demanded.

The recruiter (hoping for commission) was LIVID and tried to talk me around even getting an apology emailed in. Nope.

Absolutely rude, inappropriate, sexist and unprofessional. What a dick.

My point is that he might not have said anything if he had known OP was the person going to interview him.

OP before you take this any further I think you should clarify what he meant. It’s possible it didn’t cross his mind that a manager would come to get him for interview - that it would be a team member or secretary. In which case he didn’t imply anything - much less that you’re not qualified for the role, just that he was surprised a manager involved in the interview process would personally collect an interviewee.

Regardless of what he meant by the comment, he should have the general social awareness to know that it comes across as sexist. If he blurted it out by accident, he should apologise. It also makes him sound kind of sheltered or inexperienced because many, many companies do this; it's hardly significant or remarkable.

He’s new and possibly nervous. He probably assumed the person greeting him and escorting him to the interview room was a PA/Secretary. Especially if it wasn’t made clear as part of the greeting; ‘Hi, I’m Suzie the GM and I’ll be interviewing you today.’ He may have assumed the same thing had a man greeted him to take him to the interview room.

It was clumsy but if he’s a decent man, he will be mortified (and may well be on refection).

I would give him to benefit of the doubt, personally as he’s so new.

If OP didn’t introduce herself as a manager, and his previous experience was that a more junior member of staff came to collect interviewees, then how is it sexist - that could apply whether a man or a woman collected him. OP is going to look ridiculous if she escalates this to HR without finding out what he actually meant.

Absolutely this. Sexist arse. If it's not too late to reconsider hiring him, I would have a rethink.

@Jumpingthruhoops

Playing devil's advocate for a second, secretaries tend to be very well dressed, groomed etc. Could it be that your industry/role doesn't normally require such a 'polished' look and that's his rather clumsy way of saying you looked really smart (for the job)?

Just for the sake of argument, assuming this has nothing to do with outdated ideas about male and female roles in the workplace (and of course it does), why on earth would anyone consider it appropriate, on their first day in a new job, to comment on the appearance of a superior?

At best he's an idiot with absolutely no self awareness and no idea about professional behaviour, at worst he's a cocky little creep who was threatened by the idea of having a female boss and took the first opportunity he found for a bit of "banter" to put her on the defensive. Either way, it needs tackling.

With all these people bending over backwards to accommodate and caveat this blatantly sexist and idiotic behaviour it's not surprising that attitudes like this still persist in the average workplace, FFS.