New colleague comment - rude or misunderstanding?

[RunnerDeb]

A new (male) colleague started on my team recently. I interviewed him along with our (male) manager.

Conversation with new colleague yesterday about how he found our companies interview process compared to his previous company. He said that when I came down to collect him from the office reception ahead of the interview he thought I was the Secretary and was surprised when I sat down to interview him!!

Is it me or is that a really rude comment. There’s one thing thinking it, another saying it. It implies I wasn’t suitable to be in that role.

With all these people bending over backwards to accommodate and caveat this blatantly sexist and idiotic behaviour it's not surprising that attitudes like this still persist in the average workplace, FFS.

Damn it, this. We have come far, yet barely moved at all.

I think all he is saying is that in previous interviews someone other than the interviewer collected him from reception so he was surprised when you interviewed him. It was nothing personal about your ability to the job

@Rosscameasdoody

If OP didn’t introduce herself as a manager, and his previous experience was that a more junior member of staff came to collect interviewees, then how is it sexist - that could apply whether a man or a woman collected him. OP is going to look ridiculous if she escalates this to HR without finding out what he actually meant.

Come off it this is a ridiculous stretch. No way on earth would he have made that comment to a male superior.

Also why would you even feel the need to comment on it? The person who picks you up from reception is the person who picks you up from reception? Whether its the CEO or the cleaner is irrelevant. You're there to do a job, not to ask silly questions about who has collected you from reception.

Not a stretch or twisty at all. It's a perfectly legitimate thought.
As I said, still doesn't justify the comment but, equally, it might provide some evidence that this guy is, at worst, a bit clumsy and not necessarily a sexist pig, who should be frogmarched immediately to HR!

Could you ask him, just going back to when we spoke about our interview process and you said you were surprised I was interviewing you, could you expand on that?

Did you not just ask why?

Without the context of why he thought that you can’t decide if it’s sexist, nerves or just a bit odd.

If one of my employees came running to me to report that I’d find it really petty!

I’ve just read what some have said and I think it’s a fair point that he may not have expected the interviewer to collect him from reception and said that in answer to your question re interview process.

You felt sorry for him?? Really why on earth would you he was a giant sexist prick who assumed your senior highly qualified DD was a tea girl.

He would be on probation.

This! Everyone jumping to these wild conclusions when he may have meant something totally innocent.

OP literally needs to ask this guy what he meant. Depending on his answer, she will then have all the facts she needs to determine whether she go to HR or not.

It is either old fashion sexism, which I thought was extinguished from this Earth, or your appearance. In your role, do you wear office clothing or are you in a high vis/ casual/ sporty wear? And in the role you were advertising for? Smart wear or functional/ high vis wear?

My thought exactly. That remark suggests a power play before he has even started in your organisation. If that is accurate, you can expect more of the same - subtle and then not so subtle sexist put-downs, probably not just to your face either, pushing the boundary of what is tolerated in your workplace and not objected to by you. I would speak to him and tell him that his remark at the interview was inappropriate and unprofessional. Keep your cool so it is not about you being discombobulated, but about him. Inform your HR person you have spoken to him. Anything further, note and keep a record. 🌺

Why make that comment at all except to put you down and try to make himself feel superior. It’s also a very stupid thing to say to a female colleague in this day and age at a job you’ve just started. And very old fashioned. I’ve worked in offices in professional services for a long time and actual secretaries went out in the 1990s with the dawn of MS Word. Let’s turn it round shall we, an older woman starts a new job and says to her younger male colleague who interviewed her “when you came to get me I thought you were the YTS person”, how would that go down?

There's no need to "decide" if its sexist. It couldn't be more sexist if he had "sexist" tattooed on his forehead.

If someone asks a question or makes a comment to a woman about their professional role/competence that they wouldn't make to a man it's sexist. There's no debate here. Why are people falling over themselves to justify this behaviour?

And as for being "petty", who cares what the little squirt thinks?

You should have replied “oh, and why was that?”.

In case you missed it she did introduce herself! And by the time he told her he thought she was the secretary he knew her actual role as she had been on the interview panel so why, just why would he said that unless he wanted to undermine her.
If he thought it was a friendly approachable company because they called in their own candidates rather than asking a PA to do it - then he could have said exactly that!
If his male senior colleague was dressed casually and called him in would he have said “ hey - I thought you were one of the maintenance guys” ? No - of course he wouldn’t!
There are so many male apologists on this forum it’s unbelievable.

A living example of unconscious bias on his part.

You know, this is the only innocent reason it crossed my mind.
Likely, because I worked in an industry where managers used to be in dirty full PPE, with high vis, helmets and a noisy radio stuck to them, continously announcing what was going on on-site. Office, including secretaries, pristine polished looking. Hahaha

I also worked prior to that on an industry where you could clearly see who was in which type of role by their clothing. Casual- lab based. Suit- sales/ office management. You could find your gang just like that. And it was quite a thing to see any of the lab based guys dressing up for an interview with suit and hair done up.

The fact he said it, in this day and age, is really stupid of him. And also a massive cliche. We've all got apocryphal stories about surgeons being mistaken for receptionists or partners being mistaken for secretaries (not that there's anything wrong with those positions of course). I'm afraid I suspect he knows exactly what he was saying unless he's a huge twit in which case why employ him.

she did

No, attitudes like this still exist because behaviour like this isn't challenged the minute it occurs. Allows anyone in the workforce - men and women - to think someone's a pushover.

In OP's position, as soon as he'd made that comment, I'd have replied: 'Oh? what do you mean by that'?

Regardless of what his answer is - and what OP thinks she should do with the subsequent information - it will make him think twice about making those sorts of comments at all in future.

It's really sexist of him to think it at all, it's rude and inappropriate for him to say it to you! Has he not heard of sexism/equality, how is he not aware that this is a really inappropriate thing to say and potentially discriminatory on his first few days/weeks in a new job. In some ways it's refreshingly honest, as I always think some men are having these thoughts and he's confirmed it

Your last sentence is so true.

we've always got reception staff to feedback about candidates arriving for interview. they are heart of organisation and their opinions matter! always interesting observations from them. including interviewee requests for coffee, photocopying, etc!!

If his male senior colleague was dressed casually and called him in would he have said “ hey - I thought you were one of the maintenance guys” ? No - of course he wouldn’t!
As a complete aside. When I was in my early twenties and working in a branch office of a multi branch quite large national company, a man came in with boxes of paper and I told him “thanks just put them down there please” and waited to be presented with the paperwork to sign. I’d not been there long and I thought he was a courier, turns out he was a very very senior director of the company just bringing office supplies from head office as he was visiting us anyway….