To cancel my wedding

[OrangeCrushes]

I don't really want to get married, but that's another story. My fiancé is my life partner and it's important to him.

We are planning a large-ish wedding and have put down deposits for a number of things. I have been married before and I am embarrassed by the whole thing. It's also very expensive and time-consuming.

We have told many people that they will be invited. It is scheduled for the next Easter holiday period. No doubt these people will have made plans and shifted their schedules.

Things are strange at work (I work FT) and I wanted to study for a major exam to take place in January which would contribute to my job security. Realistically, I can't have a wedding and take the exam. My child also requires loads of extra support

WIBU to cancel the whole thing? I don't feel I can handle the extra stress of this wedding on top of everything else. But I committed to my partner and loads of people are already planning to attend.

If scheduling with overseas parents and ex for custody prevent changing the date, then keep it but delegate. Given the size of the wedding, it may be inferred there is a large-ish budget?

Hire a wedding planner, brief them very clearly on your style preferences and let them handle all the wedding prep.

So this is your 3rd marriage

partner isn’t the father of your child

etx is abusive

partner wants to get married - his first time

I do get why you don’t want to get married

I’m getting divorced. First husband died

I don’t think I will get married again due to hassle of if doesn’t work out , so I get where you are coming from

I think you need to talk to partner and say to him. If he loves you. He will understand

fwiw there is no reason why can’t do an exam in jan and marry in April - if it is what you want - but it’s not

so cancel wedding

doesn’t matter about guests etc

Can you hire a wedding planner and just say I want x y z and let them sort it?

Or do you have a friend who’s very wedding minded who can pull all the strings.

You don't bow down to it. You make a decision based on what YOU want. Why is he so desparate to get married? Is it your house in your name? What and why?

OP, you need to do what suits you, regardless of your ex.

Also, I’m confused as I thought you said he was abusive, why would he be having your daughter? Sorry if you’re talking about somebody else.

Derick

The wedding is huge and out of control and I don’t want it. I have an exam in January and I need to focus on that and my daughter.

I will marry you at the local town hall in jeans and a t shirt and have a big party in August 2026 will you if you want but not a wedding. Marriage yes, wedding no.

Hahahaha family courts enable abusive dads. If I tried to withhold my daughter from him, I would be done for supposed parental alienation. (Ex claimed that he didn't abuse our daughter - it was all lies perpetrated by me)

That’s horrendous, I’m really sorry.

@OrangeCrushes it has only been a couple of months since your last thread about the appalling abuse being perpetrated by your ex, and only ten months since your first about him, when he was being forcibly reintroduced to your daughter after the courts found your reports of child ahuse to be evidence of ‘parental alienation’.

All this is ongoing. You, and your poor, poor daughter must be utterly fried.

How on earth can you even contemplate involving another man? How long can you have been together?

Please, please cancel this. If this man is any good at all, he’ll wait until you’ve both healed. I really think you’re rushing this and what is most worrying of all, is you’re putting this supposedly good man and his ‘hurt feelings’ (boo-fucking-hoo) above the needs and feelings of both your daughter and yourself.

Please don’t do that.

Do it at the registry, you can wear normal clothes, take 2 witnesses with you, you don't have to have a party after. It's quicker than going for a coffee.

If you don't want to BE married to your partner then that's another issue if they're super keen. But if it's just the stress of the wedding that's getting to you, you absolutely don't need to do that!

It sounds like you should reschedule the wedding.
Find a suitable time to speak to you partner, regarding your concerns, that you have mentioned on here!
It's vital that you & your partner feel the same way, it should be a joyful occasion.
If you have doubts regarding the dates, not really working for you! I think it would be best for you, partner, family & friends to be honest. They are not going to think any less of you!

How long have you been with your fiancé @OrangeCrushes

yes, i've read a great deal of such fare. far less opportunities for women, indeed, but a 'choice' nonetheless.

With this additional information, I think that this is good advice. You don't want to get married, you're not in the right place.
Don't.

Just do small registry office and have a big party if you want to get married. No need to bankrupt yourself financially and mentally for an event that people will forget within a couple of months.

OP, two abusive relationships and you are now contemplating a 3rd marriage due to pressure.

Good men do not put pressure like this on someone with a child that has gone through so much.

I think you need to halt this now.
It sounds like a disaster.

Your priority should be only your child during this very stressful time, not fulfilling the needs of another man.

If he genuinely cares about you, he would understand this.

You really should tell your partner how you feel about marriage .

Of course he'll be upset , but not as upset as he'd be if he doesn't discover your feelings until after you're married .

Well my boyfriend’s to this would be strong them along for 13 years 🤣🤣🤣

Then marry him but stop being passive about the whole thing and tell him you will marry him, but you don’t want the performance.

cancel the wedding and go to a registry office. Done!

I literally have no idea why you’re getting married. You’re not being honest with someone who you’re going to commit to, I think you need to tell him how you feel and stop worrying about what everyone else will think!!

My Masters dissertation was due the week I got married. Didn’t impact on either. Difference was I wanted to get married. I think this is the crux of the matter. You don’t want this so don’t do it!!

Needy isn't a nice way to describe your child who is seeking reassurance from you after her other parent abused her. Sort that out.

Tell your fiancé you don't want to get married. Like everyone else in a relationship where one wants to get married and the other doesn't, he can decide. Stay with you unmarried or leave.

It's really not that difficult.

In your OP you said you don’t want to get married and that is just as valid as your DP saying they do, in this case you need to talk and come to an agreement together.

If in fact it’s the quote here ‘can’t be bothered’ then I think you’re the one that should compromise but that doesn’t mean you don’t get a say in how the day goes!

I had a relatively big and fancy wedding. It really didn’t take a huge amount of time to plan, especially given you already have the date and venue, so I think all the stuff about the exam, redundancy and your daughter are ref herrings. It’s about whether you want to marry and, if so, what type of wedding you want to have.

You talk a lot about how you can't back out as you've told people, you can't do this because, you have to do this because... how about you realise you have autonomy and so does everyone else. This is your life. You should live it the best way for your daughter and you. Everyone else will just deal with it if the wedding is postponed or cancelled. If he's such a good man he'll understand it's not personal. But you sound a bit wah wah wah.