To have screamed at DH about the eyedrops?

[ThatsABitExcessive]

Last year DH and I got sore itchy hayfever eyes. I bought some drops. A few days later DH came home and announced that we had been doing the eye drops wrong - Shiela from work had told him that rather than dropping it directly into the eye - you should drop it onto the corner of your nose and let the liquid roll into your eye. I said I disagreed with Shiela and would continue doing it properly my way.

He spent all summer doing it Sheila’s way.

Now yesterday I bought some more drops as we’re struggling again. DH said to me “don’t forget, it’s corner of the nose and let it run in”

I screamed and said that’s stupid! Just drop it into the bloody eye like a normal person!! He continues to say I’m doing it wrong and last night I had to sit and watch him dropping these bloody drops onto his face with his eyes closed!!??

The most annoying bit about it - Sheila has no medical experience. I’m an ex-qualified nurse - yet DH takes Sheila’s word as gospel!

Our GP has told me to do it your DH's way on our 4yo, so I think both ways are fine. Not sure its worth screaming at him about it though - why not just agree to disagree?! 😳

Who cares really.

It is really important that people don’t share eyedrops.

Buy 2 new bottles.

I think Sheila was describing putting the drops in the corner or the eye ‘closest to the nose’ (maybe your husband did the man thing of not quite listening properly though!)

This is how my optician always puts those orange drops into my eyes…really close to the nose, but straight into my eye (so no ‘rolling down the face collecting bacteria’ involved!!)

Sheila is right…and you need to stop screaming at people!

Let him, He's a grown man. The most this would get from me is an eye roll.
If he gets an eye infection he can just ask Sheila what to do. 😬

Your DH is being unreasonable for letting the eyedrops touch his skin before they touch his eye.
You're being unreasonable for screaming, that's just weird...

I'm with you OP I understand why you screamed, although I suspect you realise it wasn't the best thing to do!

It seems a small thing but it's really not. It's treating your advice and your experience with a casual sort of disdain - weighing up your advice in a lesser way but elevating the advice from another woman higher, thus treating their advice with respect. You could say it's indirectly disrespectful of, you whilst being respectful of them. It's hard to quite articulate succinctly.

I always wonder what's really going on when couples do this: There's two forms - one, which a lot of people can relate to is where a partner is dismissive or not responsive emotionally to their wife/husband's emotional needs at home, but amazing with friends, or random women, men, listening to them helping them with their problems, being a shoulder to cry on really digging into their issues.

The 2nd form is wife/husband giving very good advice but the partner only responds to it when someone else reiterates it, or they totally disregard it and take on the advice of the other person.

Sometimes if it happens a lot, it's a form of very indirect winding up. Passive aggressive. Sometimes it means they don't think you're actually trustworthy or capable.

Sometimes it's just preference. But you'd have to talk about it.

I would say 'it hurts that you don't appear to trust my advice and experience in places of someone less qualified whom you don't even know that well, when I'm your wife. It makes me feel you don't respect me as much'

And see what he says. In this case he sounds genuinely clueless. But it's not nice. I see the frustration making you snap and then your feelings being hard to define. Leaving you apologetic whilst feeling off about it still.

How about you read the package instructions together?

Sheila take a bow

I'm under the treatment of the eye clinic at the moment and on 6 weeks of drops. I've been told to put them in the corner of the eye and let the liquid roll across. Sheila has the same opinion as my opthalmologist

The eyedrops thing is irrelevant. More importantly, why does one adult think it's OK to scream at another one?

Yes @ThatsABitExcessive YABU because it's a recognised way of administering drops if someone struggles with dropping it into the eye/ lower lid
https://www.aao.org/eye-health/treatments/how-to-put-in-eye-drops
(Part way down page)

Ignore all the perfect zen people ... that is scream inducing behaviour,

No, it really isn't. If you scream at something as utterly trivial as this, what would you do in a real crisis?

Are you mentally unhinged, verbally abusive & controlling in all areas of your life or just when people don't agree with you?

He's obviously wrong. Why are you screaming. No wonder you're an ex nurse.

Why are you sharing eye drops? 🤮

I agree with you that you put them directly into your eye but screaming at him just makes you sound like a shrill fish wife.

I

I don’t understand any of this. A quick google search is all that is necessary, surely?

I use all my bedside manner at work unfortunately my family get screaming nurse me that I have repressed all day

No it’s not. It’s emotionally abusive and sign you can’t handle your emotions like an adult. Screaming at someone over eye drops is bizarre.

OP, is this really about the eye drops?

Lucky them

You screamed?? Are you on holiday in Rome by any chance?

Isn’t it amazing that the person who loves you, and has your best interests at heart (most of the time ), is the one person who you don’t trust. Why do people (men), trust what they heard from Dave or Sheila, rather than admit their wife, who’s a nurse, might be right.

Plus good old common sense says you don’t take medicine, that’s been packed in a sterile environment, put in a sterile container, then roll it over an unsterile surface before putting it in your eye

This reminds me of a children’s behaviour. They’ll sometimes listen to others but not their mum. He’s a child.

Well in this case, the person who supposedly loves him the most, is prone to screaming and shouting at him too

You’re being unreasonable for screaming, and also the dropping it into the corner of your closed eye and then blinking/letting it go into your eye that way is how a hospital optometrist taught me to do it.

I’d apologise to your husband if I were you.