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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP angry with me over University Challenge

241 replies

Teachingquestion · 16/07/2025 07:29

I wish I was joking.
I don't really care about university challenge at all. DP likes it. He watches it and tries see how many he can score. Normally I am just sitting there/having a cuppa , watching rather than answering all the questions. I just don't find quizzes that interesting. Last night, he asked me to join in. I did and I got double his amount of points. He said "oh for fucks sake don't win now just because you've decided to "
I know this sounds really trivial, but he had this look of absolute disdain on his face. Like a deep resentment. I am intelligent and in a good job that uses it, but I was only able to do that due to a good school being concerned with social mobility. My parents are intelligent but undereducated (again social mobility issues) I have friends of all types of intelligence and although I'm proud of my achievements, it's not the biggest thing for me. Also whisper I don't think university challenge is that hard, most of the time it's quite general knowledge put in a wordy question.
Dunno what my AIbU is really, just want a rant!

OP posts:
myplace · 16/07/2025 07:32

He’s disappointed because he was expecting to thrash you and get to gloat.

I’d keep an eye on that. You aren’t there to bolster his self esteem by making him look good.

SanFranBear · 16/07/2025 07:33

Well, that's unattractive.. I'm not sure I agree with your assessment of University Challenge (I am rubbish at it) but it's not on for him to denigrate you in that way. He should be chuffed such an intelligent, educated woman wants to be with him...

Does he position himself as a very intelligent person, as in its sort of how he sees himself? I can see why he might take a bit of a hit to his ego if so but still...

HappilyUrbanTrimmer · 16/07/2025 07:35

Ok so your DP is suffering from.Male Fragile Ego Syndrome. He can either get the fuck over himself or he can dump you and find an ignorant airhead who will be impressed at his ability to remember thr official State Bird of various states of the USA and other vital bits of knowledge, and restrict himself to only associating with people stupider than him. I recommend option 1.

zaxxon · 16/07/2025 07:38

Oh dear! Sorry but I feel bad for both of you here. Mainly you, because you didn't set out to piss him off, yet he reacted so badly. But also him, because it's extremely annoying when you regularly try to succeed at something, and then someone else comes along and tries it and blows you out of the water with zero effort.

Whatever you do, don't tell him you "don't find it that hard"!

DilemmaDelilah · 16/07/2025 07:41

I don't know about easy - but I usually manage to get a decent amount of points. I remember it being discussed at work years ago and I said I have whatever number of points and my senior manager looking at me gobsmacked because she thought she had done well at half that number.

Like you - I had a good, well-rounded education, and I'm a big reader, which helps I think. I am quite bright, but by no means exceptionally so.

Original poster
Teachingquestion · 16/07/2025 07:46

I think it's the wide reading and curiosity that means you can make connections/see patterns

OP posts:
Original poster
Teachingquestion · 16/07/2025 07:48

It was his face , he was really disdainful. I'm proud of being clever (for myself not judged against others) and I feel proud as my mum is cleverer than me and was not encouraged at all, so has no qualifications and I feel so grateful she pushed me to not be in the same position as her. She's a cleaner and people think she's thick

OP posts:
Picklechicken · 16/07/2025 07:49

What an horrible attitude he has. He wanted to feel superior to you.

My now ex didn’t speak to me for 3 days because I beat him at chess once. He was the junior area champion when he was a teen (🙄😂) and I beat him in 3 moves and he went off in a huff and was so annoyed with me! Ridiculous.

FfaCoff · 16/07/2025 07:49

Asking you to join in and then saying 'don't win now because you've decided to' is so bloody stupid. No wonder you beat him.

myplace · 16/07/2025 07:49

And having a good memory! I’m bright, curious, well read, acquire all sorts of interesting information…. And promptly forget it.

Inertia · 16/07/2025 07:49

Sounds like he wanted to be able to get one over on you, but couldn’t.

We also watch UC (DC and I). If they want to keep score we combine our scores as a team and measure against the UC teams , not one another.

CherryYellowCouch · 16/07/2025 07:54

He ask you to play and then was upset you won?

That’s very unattractive.

Daleksatemyshed · 16/07/2025 07:55

You didn't usually join in so he thought you didn't know the answers, now you've proved him wrong. It's not a LTB offence but it's pretty mean spirited of him to be so annoyed.

DucksGiven2 · 16/07/2025 07:55

He wanted to feel superior to you and he couldn't, so he's pissed off.

I have fairly good general knowledge and, if an opportunity comes up to use it, my husband often asks "How on earth do you know that?" Nine times out of ten it's because it was mentioned casually in a book I read 20 years ago, not because I have any in depth or useful knowledge of the subject!😄

Shoxfordian · 16/07/2025 07:56

He sounds insecure and its not attractive

Is he usually like this if you win a game or do better than him?

Comedycook · 16/07/2025 07:56

Sounds like you damaged his fragile ego...

Fwiw, I think I'm reasonably intelligent and can't answer a single question on university challenge...so well done!

TunnocksOrDeath · 16/07/2025 07:56

You're right, it's mostly a general knowledge quiz. So if you're widely read and curious you'll do well. It's not going to reward someone who eg has a phd in, say, maths but never switches on the radio or reads anything outside their own subject. I didn't realise people actually sit at home totting up their own points, that's definitely going to cause a few egos to get bruised when people start comparing scores.

Serpentstooth · 16/07/2025 08:01

Oh no! You've emasculated your husband. Off to the kitchen and make him a lovely cake, especially for him and iron a few shirts while you're there. To generalise OP, many men hate a clever, well informed woman, it makes them feel less than. You're just answering questions as you happen to know the answer. He thinks you're showing off to make him feel small because that's what he'd do if the positions were reversed. It's up to you. Have you the patience to manage this fool for many years, buttering up his ego for the sake of a quiet life? Rather you than me but there's a lot of them around.

CampCrow · 16/07/2025 08:11

myplace · 16/07/2025 07:49

And having a good memory! I’m bright, curious, well read, acquire all sorts of interesting information…. And promptly forget it.

Me too. If I could actually retain knowledge I’d be a brain box too. I’m really well read (and podcast’ed) have travelled all over the world , have visited countless museums, go to the theatre and ballet and generally do all the things you are meant to do but it just doesn’t stay in my head. I’d be much better at University Challenge if it were multi choice 😅 (and if it didn’t have any political or sports questions 🤭)

EmptyHandles · 16/07/2025 08:12

I never paid much attention to UC when it was on, but my then partner was glued to it and would be pleased as punch to get one or two answers right. He'd sometimes claim the correct answers were wrong as he was so knowledgeable 🙄

Then came the day I'd put my knitting down and was actually looking at the TV when something I'd not long learned about came up. I answered quickly and calmly and was right. "How did you know that?" he said, in the most disdainful manner. That was a question that required no answer.

It was but a pixel in the picture of my life with him.

Original poster
Teachingquestion · 16/07/2025 08:18

I love learning for its own sake and this thread has reminded me of my book. When I was younger, mum took us to the library a lot and I had a little notebook that if I saw something on telly , or there was a reference in a book I was reading that I wanted to know more about/a famous painting mentioned that I wanted to look up etc or a piece of music , I would write it in my notebook and go and then go to the library and look everything up and make notes. This will age me but I remember looking up every reference In that song "we didn't start the fire" (after taping it off the radio and slowly copying it out having no idea how to spell half of it 😀 )

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 16/07/2025 08:18

He's always thought you're thick or at least not as clever as he is. Lots of men think like this, that ALL women are daft and not as bright as the menz, personally I would ve confronting this head on, it's not acceptable imo.

DoYouReally · 16/07/2025 08:19

IMHO, insecure men, especially those lacking intelligence, absolutely despise intelligent capable women.

Then don't even seem to notice that most men are far more capable and competent that them but a woman, how dare she be.

ShoeeMcfee · 16/07/2025 08:23

He must be absolutely lovely in other ways OP, otherwise I don't think you'd be able to put up with him long term.

Shenmen · 16/07/2025 08:25

I always tot my points up. I usually get about 3 😁.
I'm well read and curious, but can't remember facts at all, apart from swotting up for an exam..2 weeks later it has all fallen out my head.

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