DP angry with me over University Challenge

[Teachingquestion]

I wish I was joking.
I don't really care about university challenge at all. DP likes it. He watches it and tries see how many he can score. Normally I am just sitting there/having a cuppa , watching rather than answering all the questions. I just don't find quizzes that interesting. Last night, he asked me to join in. I did and I got double his amount of points. He said "oh for fucks sake don't win now just because you've decided to "
I know this sounds really trivial, but he had this look of absolute disdain on his face. Like a deep resentment. I am intelligent and in a good job that uses it, but I was only able to do that due to a good school being concerned with social mobility. My parents are intelligent but undereducated (again social mobility issues) I have friends of all types of intelligence and although I'm proud of my achievements, it's not the biggest thing for me. Also whisper I don't think university challenge is that hard, most of the time it's quite general knowledge put in a wordy question.
Dunno what my AIbU is really, just want a rant!

Spent ages trying to fucking contact Jeremy Paxman!!! 🤡😆😆😆

OP sounds like you’ve got a husband problem! He doesn’t like that you are clearly more intelligent than him. What kind of conversations do you have with your husband? Is it possible this is the first time he’s realised this? I’m more academically clever than my husband (but he is better than me at almost everything else) so he’s proud when I know something he doesn’t rather than threatened.

I had one like this but it was so unbelievable. He was objectively 'stupid' but played into that - so he didn't have a clue who the Prime Minister was and bragged that he'd never read a book in his life. If he'd been open minded and curious I think he was intelligent enough to 'learn' but he thought he was too good for that.

He was also a raging misogynist. 'There isn't a single thing a woman can do that a man can't do better or faster.' Umm ok.

One day he became absolutely fixated on the idea that he could beat me at an IQ test. I had one done as a kid, was moved up a year in primary school but never told anyone. I've killed a fair few brain cells since then anyway. I was like, 'I mean, we can do one if you want, a proper one, but it costs money and the questions are hard. I've done one (didn't say my score).'

'Oh, well if you've done one it can't be that hard. I'll smash it. I probably wouldn't be that good at the literature questions as I don't read. But the geography questions, history questions, all of that, I'd smash it.'

'Um... mate. What do you think this is? A fucking pub quiz?'

I'm sure he's still utterly convinced he'd 'smash it' and beat me but alas, we never got the opportunity to find out because I dumped him. From similar experience though he'd have every excuse in the book. He was tired, distracted, I cheated...

Some of these male egos are so tedious. Presumably he gets a vibe that you're pretty smart - why does he feel the need to trample all over you and beat you?

⬆️ this

I usually get a few right, more than dh, but to his credit he never seems to be bothered by it. My correct ones are often Eng Lit or foreign lang. related - like the one the other day, quote from the end of Middlemarch. Dh wouldn’t ever have got that. But he’s more likely to score on anything geographical or maths based.

⬆️ and also this.

He thinks he’s intellectually superior to you because he has a penis. In reality he’s a twat. Can you live with this forever? Or do you, like your mum did, want something better for you?

Thanks for reminding me @ThanksItHasPockets we love OnlyConnect, even if it does make us feel very dim by the later rounds 😂

I had an ex that used to get really upset when I did better than him in an exam. There was always some reason why it was unfair to him, he once didn’t speak to me for a few days. Fuck that shit I say.

Find yourself a more secure man who doesn’t require you to hide who you are so he can feel good about himself.

DH is always impressed with my only connect abilities.

Yep. My husband has several Oxbridge degrees and is arguably incredibly intelligent. But his response when I thrashed him at Colditz years ago was off the scale and i have refused to play any board games with him ever since.

The Male Ego wants what it wants. To win. It’s beyond pathetic.

Just realised you're not married, OP. Well hooray for that!!! 🥳🥳🥳

this. What did he expect you to do? Deliberately get less points than him to protect his ego? Definitely ick making.

From experience, it’s largely men who are in some way inadequate anyway, who think like this.

Never ever hide your light @Teachingquestion especially for someone's sad little ego. I'm into the writing-up stages of my PhD with loads of formal education behind me, and possibly more to the point, 55 years of a voracious book habit and am daily caught out by things I don't know, even in the very wide fields where I have substantial knowledge (humanities, some social sciences) let alone the vast areas where I'm lacking (just about everything else.) I was in my teens the last time I was seriously upset by someone showing more intellectual heft than me and your DP's very unattractive behaviour reminds me of that sort of petty competitiveness. What's he going to do if you pull ahead of him in Scrabble? Kick the board over?

The really sad bit about this is that in some (?many) cases the thing which makes them inadequate is the way they feel about themselves. Having said that, it is absolutely not someone else's job to fix or pander to this.

This is the most "mumsnet" post I've ever read! It's brilliant. And well done for winning. See if he'll accept a re-challenge next week?

OP, I know this sounds trivial but something about his manner and the way he treated you has caused you to write on mumsnet. That in itself is a warning.

I would ask yourself, why did I write about this? Listen to your instincts not try to rationalise this.

Out of interest, how long have you been together and honestly, is this the first time you have had this sense of disdain from him?

Yeah - one point for everyone you get right, even if the youngsters beat you. I get 30 on a good day.

Its a big part of the whole reason that H Sapiens is so successful is that we are so good at sharing our skills and knowledge and using each other's. The concept is called extelligence. One person may well have more intellectual heft but another can grow food seemingly without effort and another can spot the problems in a plan or system. Together we are greater than the sum of our parts.

Ten for a starter, five for a bonus....counts as long as you say it before or at the same time as the contestant

Controversially, we award a bonus point if you give the same wrong answer as the contestant, just to mix it up a bit

We've stopped scoring now though as I kept beating DH, especially as the questions have become more science-y in recent years (my field)

I only watch it to see if I can get one right and occasionally had two right ! Go me.
I get on better with less challenging questions on quiz shows to be honest. It is a very niche quiz show!

This will sound extreme but I actually feel sick reading this because ’ve been in this relationship, and had this exact scenario. In fact if his first initial is J and he’s a teacher, I’ve literally been in that exact relationship. It didn’t get any better. Here’s the playbook from my experience: He will start to take pleasure in putting you down so he can feel better about himself. And belittling your achievements to make himself big. You will start belittling your own achievements to keep the peace, and feeling like you are worthless. You will start apologising a lot, and deferring to his opinions even when you know them to be factually wrong just to avoid a fight. Once you get out, it will take you years to trust your own judgement again and to feel like anything you do is an actual achievement.

This might just be about university challenge for your relationship, I don’t know. But in case it’s not, don’t be like me. Don’t make yourself small so he can feel big.

I score a point if I get the answer wrong, but the team gives the same wrong answer 😆

My husband got to the semi final of university challenge in the mid 1980s and I often (not always) get more points than him and he is always delighted by my general knowledge, not threatened. You shouldn’t have to dull yourself down to make him feel good.

I used to go out with someone like this. I once got a slightly obscure question right when playing Trivial Pursuit and he accused me of having read all of the questions in advance! It’s ridiculous. Fragile male ego indeed.

The sum of human knowledge is so huge, we have to share what we know in order for it to be of any use, through formal teaching and various kinds of media, but also through seeing, doing and showing someone else. Baking and gardening come to mind here. I'm sure that a while ago I read somewhere (I can't remember where) that the last time a literate woman or man could read everything that was available to be read was some time in the 17th century. It simply isn't possible to know everything worth knowing, (including the trivia that leavens the more substantive stuff) even in your own field and that's what makes knowledge and learning so exciting.