Page 37 | To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

BMW6 · 17/07/2025 10:43

Disappointed no update from OP 😣

Keyfob23 · 17/07/2025 10:46

I missed the update OP ….you handled this brilliantly !

Blank1234 · 17/07/2025 10:49

BMW6 · 17/07/2025 10:43

Disappointed no update from OP 😣

Put your glasses on to read this time … you might see it then 😉

godmum56 · 17/07/2025 10:51

Braygirlnow · 17/07/2025 07:11

Oh, I was on your side until this. So neither of you are religious, your parents "are fairly relaxed but quietly spiritual, and they asked gently if we’d consider a christening", so would like it but would not be too hurt if you didn't.
OH has gone along with your wishes as "If it means something to your family and not mine, let’s go with it".
But it obviously does mean something to his family (mother) but that something was totally ignored to go with the your"fairly relaxed but spiritual "parents wishes." It felt like a way to include them, acknowledge that wider family/community feeling, and mark our daughter’s arrival with something meaningful" But you didn't think to include or acknowledgeyour your OHs mother/family/ tradition? Who you must of known religion was more important too.
I'm not saying you should of baptised her catholic but neither should you of baptised her C of E.
The fact is if your not religious its ridiculous to have a baptism at all, you are standing in a church making promises you have no intentions of keeping.
You sound like the controller in this marriage.

Show quote history

You are missing the point that its their decision to take. The Mil being unhappy with it does not excuse her arranging things behind their backs and misleading her parish priest. The OP has explained their reasoning (or some of it) and that both parents agreed with the decsion they took....but actually their reasoning does not matter because it was their joint decision to take. A child is not a bargaining chip or a cake to be shared fairly around the family.

godmum56 · 17/07/2025 10:52

Blank1234 · 17/07/2025 10:49

Put your glasses on to read this time … you might see it then 😉

Show quote history

I think the poster meant no update since the 15th.....

Kjpt140v · 17/07/2025 12:12

TheFormidableMrsC · 16/07/2025 23:23

No! There are endless repetitive posts from people who can’t be arsed to read the OP’s posts and see the situation was resolved in full, yesterday.

Show quote history

Chill! The chimp is in your head.

Luddite26 · 17/07/2025 12:32

It won't be resolved with that type of religious obsessive. There will be more to come until it's NC.

Billybea · 17/07/2025 13:20

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

I'm a (lapsed) catholic and I know some people really do get sucked in by the church but personally I think it's very selfish of her to request this. She should just accept what you both want as the child's parents and she should back off it's not her child, goodness me can you imagine if she belonged to a cult who had rules that each child had to be named moonshine or running water, then offered up a goats head as a ritual! I'm sure you wouldn't allow that either! No! Just no!

godmum56 · 17/07/2025 13:33

Billybea · 17/07/2025 13:20

I'm a (lapsed) catholic and I know some people really do get sucked in by the church but personally I think it's very selfish of her to request this. She should just accept what you both want as the child's parents and she should back off it's not her child, goodness me can you imagine if she belonged to a cult who had rules that each child had to be named moonshine or running water, then offered up a goats head as a ritual! I'm sure you wouldn't allow that either! No! Just no!

Show quote history

on this occasion, its not even the church that has sucked her in. Its against her church's global teaching.

auderesperare · 17/07/2025 13:46

The MIL who baptised her grandchildren in the bathroom sink is like something out of an Edna O’Brien novel. It’s hilarious.

cocog · 17/07/2025 14:21

Say no your happy with the ceremony you already did and baby’s name she needs to come to the realisation that this is not actually her child and she can’t make decisions for her. Those are for her actual parents. I would say no thank you it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to do that with my child and you do not have permission to do it either. Also email the priest and tell him no and he doesn’t have permission to baptise her as it’s already been done.

CustardySergeant · 17/07/2025 14:29

cocog · 17/07/2025 14:21

Say no your happy with the ceremony you already did and baby’s name she needs to come to the realisation that this is not actually her child and she can’t make decisions for her. Those are for her actual parents. I would say no thank you it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to do that with my child and you do not have permission to do it either. Also email the priest and tell him no and he doesn’t have permission to baptise her as it’s already been done.

No need to email the priest when she's already spoken to him on the phone. See the OP's post on 15/07/2025 at 18:43.

Ceramiq · 17/07/2025 15:03

BeanQuisine · 16/07/2025 11:54

What "state doctrines"? You're not required to endorse any supernatural or political beliefs in order to send your child to a secular school.

Show quote history

State education is chock a block full of political ideology. Of course it is - don't be naive.

Teasloth · 17/07/2025 15:26

As a church goer myself... she is batshit.
Not a chance I'd allow this. Ever

DearZebra · 17/07/2025 15:49

Just to give a small benefit of the doubt to MiL here. (I was brought up a Catholic although I don’t follow a religion now, but still have religious family members)
Devout Catholics believe in naming babies after a saint as part of their core beliefs, for protection and inspiration. Where a more modern name has been used, a saint’s name is often added on, not to disrespect the chosen name but to follow traditions and to be a link to that Saint’s patronage.
I wouldn’t necessarily assume that MiL is using it as some sort of power move and she may be actively trying to play it down to you so as not to make it appear that way. However, it may be really important to her on a personal level to know that her grandchild has that (however unbelievable) protection and patronage.
She should not have organised an event which involved your child though, without your consent and participation.
That is certainly overstepping and you know your MiL better than all of us as to whether she is likely to be using this as a power play or just following her beliefs as best she can.

TheDenimWasp · 17/07/2025 15:53

Totally not okay and let her know that she's overstepping the line here

Politygal · 17/07/2025 16:05

dogcatkitten · 15/07/2025 14:34

She's probably worried about the babies soul not having been 'properly' baptised. I would allow it but insist on her proper name being used, talk to the priest. You don't want to have various contradictory birth, christening information floating around, as you said the catholic side of the family may decide to use her catholic name, which they would justify as her christened name and that could become extremely irritating.

In Catholicism, a lay person can baptise another so if you wanted, you could do it yourself. Just think what this woman will be like over the years... just no, and have a word with Father Liam.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 17/07/2025 16:43

BoundaryGirl3939 · 16/07/2025 23:06

She thinks she's saving your daughters soul. I think I'd let her as to be honest it wouldn't impact me. But then again, I'm Catholic.
I dont think she'd be brazen enough to call your daughter by her middle name. Perhaps in her own head she'll stamp the holier name to her head but not publicly.
If it means that much to her, I'd let her. But I wouldn't let her interfere in other ways. I am a Catholic though and believe there is a grace in baptism.

She is brazen enough to call her granddaughter by her middle name, she’s already doing in. One of OP’s earlier posts mentions it.

Becbbec81 · 17/07/2025 16:55

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

I don’t think the Catholic Church can do this without parental consent? So has your husband been to the church with his mother to agree this?

I would even wonder if the Catholic Church would do this if you have literally just christened her?

Speak to your husband about this as it sounds like he may have agreed the baptism at some point with the priest and say that you will arranging to speak to the priest and if he wants your daughter baptised catholic then you are happy to do so but you and himself will be taking the reigns and choosing her name.

Its a big intrusion and very manipulative of your MIL to have gone behind your back and do this without consulting you first and if you are not feeling easy about this then that tells you all you need to know. What else will she do and make decisions for about your daughter without asking?

I don’t think they would do just a blessing and give a name it would be a full baptism.

We had our son baptised last year and had a few meetings with the priest prior etc where he asked for our full names and the godparents as they have to be Catholic or Christian witnesses.

CustardySergeant · 17/07/2025 16:57

Politygal · 17/07/2025 16:05

In Catholicism, a lay person can baptise another so if you wanted, you could do it yourself. Just think what this woman will be like over the years... just no, and have a word with Father Liam.

Show quote history

She had a word with Father Liam on the phone on 15/07.

Sarfar45 · 17/07/2025 17:02

Definitely not ok

Becbbec81 · 17/07/2025 17:11

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 19:52

A few people have asked — quite reasonably — why we had DD christened if neither DH nor I are religious.

Totally fair question. The short version is: it was about tradition and family, not belief.

Longer version: I was raised loosely Church of England — not devout by any stretch, but I grew up going to the village church at Christmas, weddings, funerals, etc. It’s where we were married. My parents are fairly relaxed but quietly spiritual, and they asked gently if we’d consider a christening. It felt like a way to include them, acknowledge that wider family/community feeling, and mark our daughter’s arrival with something meaningful, even if we aren’t regular churchgoers. It was personal, warm, and completely on our terms.

None of that justifies MIL deciding she gets a do-over with a new name and a new priest. That’s not about God. That’s about control.

For what it’s worth, the C of E vicar who christened our daughter was wonderful — kind, low-key, and made it very clear that the christening was also about welcoming her into a community of care, not indoctrination. That felt right.

DH, as I’ve said, is technically Catholic by upbringing but hasn’t practiced since childhood. His view was, “If it means something to your family and not mine, let’s go with it.” He’s fully on board now that he’s seen just how far his mum was willing to go behind our backs.

We’re still waiting for the fallout from MIL. She hasn’t called or messaged since DH spoke to her earlier and told her (very firmly) that it’s not happening and that she’s massively overstepped.

I’m torn between relief and dread. But mostly I’m proud that we’ve stood our ground and grateful to all of you for giving me the language and clarity to do it.

Will update again if the martyrdom goes nuclear 🙃

Ahh just caught up with all the posts! lol! I see you have done everything!! Fingers crossed it goes as smoothly as it can for you.

i have a difficult and controlling MIL so i know the pain and unnecessary stress you go through!

Playinwithfire · 17/07/2025 19:19

The priest has official documents within the chapel. These are kept for when (or if) the child makes their first communion, confirmation or even get married. Your MIL is changing your child's name, plain and simple. It is very personal. Her relationship with God has nothing to do with yours or child's relationship with God. Speaking as a Catholic, God will not make judgement on your child's name, this is your MIL way to control and manipulate. Nothing at all to do with religion! If this goes ahead, she will 100% be calling your child by her second name! Then you'll be made out to be irrational.

godmum56 · 17/07/2025 20:21

Playinwithfire · 17/07/2025 19:19

The priest has official documents within the chapel. These are kept for when (or if) the child makes their first communion, confirmation or even get married. Your MIL is changing your child's name, plain and simple. It is very personal. Her relationship with God has nothing to do with yours or child's relationship with God. Speaking as a Catholic, God will not make judgement on your child's name, this is your MIL way to control and manipulate. Nothing at all to do with religion! If this goes ahead, she will 100% be calling your child by her second name! Then you'll be made out to be irrational.

At least read the OP's updates FFS

Whippetlovely · 17/07/2025 22:04

Playinwithfire · 17/07/2025 19:19

The priest has official documents within the chapel. These are kept for when (or if) the child makes their first communion, confirmation or even get married. Your MIL is changing your child's name, plain and simple. It is very personal. Her relationship with God has nothing to do with yours or child's relationship with God. Speaking as a Catholic, God will not make judgement on your child's name, this is your MIL way to control and manipulate. Nothing at all to do with religion! If this goes ahead, she will 100% be calling your child by her second name! Then you'll be made out to be irrational.

Quite right, both my children were baptised catholic recently and the priest asked in the ceremony what name do I wish them to be know as, I just stated their first names, they don't have middle names and I don't want any other names. No issues at all.