To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

The priest has been contacted and he is on the parents side. He was surprised and has said he will not be doing such a ceremony.

"Devout Catholics believe in naming babies after a saint as part of their core beliefs, for protection and inspiration."
Nothing to do with devotion. It used to be tradition, for the reason you've given, but has long fallen by the wayside. I'm 62 and it was a dying tradition even when I was born. My dad was devout and none of us were named after saints.

Ahh love a happy ending. This story gave me an irrational level of rage. Well done OP, well done husband. Even Father Liam turned out to be a good guy (I’ll admit, I didn’t see that coming).

I am Catholic and with my children were christened in the Catholic church. All my priest said was that one of their names should be the name of a saint or in the Bible. Their middle names are, so all good. They were christened with all their names. There is zero reason for MiL to want to do this!! I did it through choice. No one forced me, and my two were 5 and 8. They understood it and agreed with it. Tell her there is no way, and any priest worth his salt would not agree to it as the parents need to agree in the church.

I’m a practising catholic and yout mother in law ins bonkers. She is over stepping the mark. Plus, she has lied to the priest. A catholic baptism is only valid if the parents have formally committed (usually in writing) to bring the child up as a catholic - that means mass on Sunday and receiving the sacraments. She has probably agreed that she will take the child to mass regularly in your place. Plus, who are the Godparents??? This has to be a hard no. Tell your husband this is not harmless. He needs to have your back and this needs interference needs to stop.

I have read OPs updates. I don't think she need to further comment until she has more news. She and Father Liam have stopped it, which is good. Respect to Father Liam, he sounds like a good egg.

As for people saying kids shouldn't get christened unless their parents are believers, well, I do get where OP is coming from. I was born in the late seventies and at that time in my family there was the tradition of christening your child in the CofE. There's only one branch of the family that are religious, the rest is ambivalent at best. I asked my mum why my brother & I got christened and she just said it was "something you did back then". We never visited church unless it was for more christenings, confirmations (I recall only 2...), weddings or funerals. Not even for Christmas really.

Anyway, two of my cousins, both from the religious arm of the family, don't have children, by circumstances and choice. Another branch, two more cousins have children, not christened. My brother and I have children, not christened. Reason? No strong religious beliefs (I describe myself as a hardened atheist, DB is just ambivalent). I was open to my child going to church if she asked, but she never did. She's dabbled in paganism, but that's since fallen by the wayside. Her dad is also an atheist.

My parents have planned their funerals, and they are not going to be religious in flavour at all. So even tradition has given way now to honesty.

Have you asked if she's having your child baptized into the church? This way your child will be able to participate in the other sacraments of their First Holy Communion, Confirmation and marry in the Catholic Church?

I would make an appointment to go see the priest to getter a better understanding of what is actually planned. Make your feelings clear to him and then choose your next course of action.

The grandparent potentially wants to do this to give their grandchild the option to participate if they choose to later in life. I wonder does she see it as doing it to save you having to as she's still engaged with the church.

The priest won't care what your child is called, this is definitely your MILs thinking coming to the fore.

@cdu the OP has spoken to the priest

He assured me no blessing or ceremony will be taking place.

He said (his words): “It would be entirely inappropriate to proceed with any religious rite concerning a child without parental consent, especially when the child has already received Christian baptism. I will be speaking to [MIL] myself.”

People , read the updates .

This is what gives religion a bad name
My MIL actually wanted us "blessed", but the priest send her packing. It was funny, until they wanted to refuse my FIL s funeral service as a non attendee of the church after years of illness. The family had to go almost to the top to make it happen. Beware of those priests

This is a major safeguarding flag which you need to report to the diocese

Oops read your posts. My god you’ve definitely got one there. In some ways this is good information now as it will give you insight into all sorts of things that are going to come up. And they will. Nuclear boundaries and you’ll be fine. And your partner has to back you up and not let it be your battle. I recognise this behaviour entirely from my own catholic mother. She got a drive by catholic priest to come to my c of e wedding many years ago. Obvs to keep her side of family happy. I look back now and realise none of it was about me.

why? The priest has dealt with it and the Mil's batshitness is nothing to do with the diocese.

😂

Glad it was all sorted. As a practicing Catholic who is involved with the baptisms in my parish, my priests asks for the parents' consent twice during the ceremony so not sure how MIL was planning on getting round this

I know it's all been sorted and you're all waiting for the sulking/tantrum to happen but of all of it this ,to me, was the most batshit part.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

Who did she mean by this? You're the actual childs parents! Were the rest of the family all happy for this bullshit pretend ceremony? Does she do this sort of thing regularly with the rest of the clan?

Baby has already been baptised so there’s no need for this extra baptism.

This is a pretty much also a DH problem, not (just) your MIL problem - he must step up & support you. No Way would I be allowing this unhinged woman sole access to my baby, for ANY reason, let alone what you have said.. (for whatever reason). Its not 'daft' - does he not realise the implications?

Annoying. Overbearing. Invasive but let her crack on if you want to keep the peace it obviously means something to her and won’t hurt the child.

🤦🏼‍♀️

It may mean something to her, but you don’t organise such event behind the parents back, and then don’t invite the mother!

Fortunately, op has spoken to the priest, and the event is not going ahead.

RTFT. He did.

Sorry, no idea what RTFT means, not quite up on MN lingo.,.....?🤔 Eg gfys etc ...Another Canute? Maybe reply to the OP instead of feeling so clever about insulting (I assume) a poster in support of the OP. Have a great day & wishing you all kindness that you deserve x🥀 (are you the MIL perhaps!). Try to be nice, or if that's impossible for you - get a life and shut the duck up. With kindness about your condition ,🥀

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